getting older (again)

im 16 rn and 17 in august. i feel so old. i cannot form a coherent sentence to properly explain this feeling of being so very terrified of getting older, even if people view me as a child. i have 3 older siblings (19, 21, 22) and they TREAT me like a kid, but i still cant feel it. i feel like time is speeding up so fast that i cannot grasp it. im in college already and everyones older than me, it makes ME feel old. im so so scared of being old. i have no friends and im pretty lonely. ive always been lonely but to think my teenage years are ending with me STILL having no friends, it makes me feel absolutely horrible. i will look at photos from last year and the year before and before and so on, and even if i was miserable, i wish to go back so badly because i was younger. i wish i was 13 and in year 10 again. i wish i can go back. and i know ill keep wishing to go back the older i get, and at some point ill wish i was 16 again, but i dont right now. some times i think about ending my life so i never have to worry about growing up again. i lost all my friends, i dont have any high school memories and i have nothing to live for. i wish this feeling would stop, ive been like this for as long as i can remember. i cant be 17. i dont want to and i hope i dont.
maybe in another lifetime i dont wish for another lifetime.