Another pattern spotted

I had a decent experience with family this weekend. A very healing weekend. I saw a pattern that typically makes me react negatively to them and isolate, most times within myself while they are around. The pattern was the way my parents withheld criticism if you were hurting. It seemed to be the only time they did from what I remember growing up. It setup a reward system for being a victim, for being sick, for being down. It discouraged trying because when you did they would find a way to make you fear losing it or that you weren’t doing enough. I saw it with my dad yesterday. I told him that I recently lost my job and he was nice about it and wasn’t critical of me at all, but he then switched to my brother and tried to make him feel like his job was threaded by AI. He never did that in front of me.
What was even more impactful for me was realizing that his words had no affect, even if he were to be critical they would just be words. I mean who really cares if someone criticizes you. This is a new concept for me in regards to family.