Realizing what I need

I thought what I wanted was to be alone but the more situations I find myself in where I’m completely alone, so deep in the woods that I stop hearing the normal hum and drum of cars and conversations from others the less I feel like I want to be alone. I think I just wanted it to hurt less when I’m around others and I figured out what I needed for that to happen. I needed to start to play with others again, not take everything so seriously, I had to play first before I could become playful with others and only then could I let them in again.