Where are my introverts at?

@SW-User I was raised that way, constantly told by family that I was abnormal for preferring to read a book over playing softball. One of the reasons my parents and I never got along is because I'm not a party person.

@SW-User People that are more extroverted tend to be rough on introverts. Some don’t understand and think you’re sad and weird, instead of just accepting you need less of them and their influence to feel well.

I have some extroverted qualities and moments. I love people. But I know to keep to myself mostly because they get personally offended when you need alone time to recharge.

I think a lot of people push themselves to be outgoing when they really need to sit with themselves though.

@SW-User My Mum was the kind of person, very loud, outspoken and opinionated, who needed to take Center Stage everywhere she went. I was born with a more outgoing personality than I currently have, but was pushed aside and repeatedly told to shut up. The result of 16 years of repression was that I became a depressed, introverted extrovert.

@SW-User you’re so much more than that…

My dad was the narc and my mom was the codependent enabler. I learned being quiet and hiding meant less abuse. But pain was inevitable.

Girl, I think you’re great. You’re smart and deep even if you’re depressed right now.

And the thing about parents dying, is they have no say anymore. I miss those dipshits but I’m better off without them for sure.

@SW-User That last paragraph made me laugh a bit... I wrote a post yesterday about how I'm dealing with grief at sunset.

Since then, I've been pondering how death erases the negative to make the past look alluring for a while. And then the harsh reality of them in life comes rushing back and saves me from becoming delusional.

@SW-User it’s true. You miss the good parts. What I’ve learned is to do is cherish those memories, keep what you learned and (this part took the longest) to accept their absence in my life completely. It’s not depressing so much as it is empty. An emptiness I can fill with what I choose now. No more fighting with do they love me. They did, they just sucked at it and I know I can do better for my kiddo because of them, I know there’s a better way. At some point, after grief and the stress of dealing with the paperwork, you rocket off, like they pushed you.

Their final act as parents was the one they couldn’t mess up. Their death frees you.

@SW-User I like how you said there's an emptiness that you can fill now, however you choose... That's inspiring.