No tears left to cry (literally)

I don't think you need an answer, I think you need a guide.

No one knows your inner-paths. There are inner-paths you don't even know. That goes for everyone.

Everyone has habits, even if they don't see them as patterns or habits. I often quickly pick up on catchphrases people rely on, and I often try not to use redundant verbage in my engagements. It's something I'm personally sensitive toward.

Everyone has things they hone in on. Things that resonate in them. Things they do without knowing they do them.

When you get more insight into the root of your patterns, you'll be able to divert them into healthier patterns. Positive change is almost always gradual, and it's often more boring than it is exciting.

It sounds like you're bludgeoning yourself with yourself. There's an inner-rigidity that is preventing you from considering the true and kind courses of action that would best serve to relieve you of these burdens. You're avoiding. That would be my guess, but it doesn't mean it's correct. Any stranger can offer any number of guesses.

i feel like this now, after my fucking online friends left me for what they made me do.

Crying is a great way to grief. It's not dramatic to wanna get there.

I just drink more water when that happens.

The m23 will go back it .