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I want to understand my mental health

I was just thinking of my past as a child it’s hard to remember but I do remeber certain things..I was adopted , my foster dad passed in middle school so my foster mom and her kids were raising me. I found out I was adopted after searching and searching for answers. At a young people made fun of how old my foster mom was and what age she had me which had me question myself. Her kids treated me wrong , I remeber her son chocked me and apologized right after I don’t recall what happened but I hated all of them and I felt like my mom forced me to love them but little did she know the emotional abuse I went through and after awhile I got older she would send them to hit me because I was misbehaving, one time her other son took those belts you workout with and beat me and she just stood there , I was left with bruises I can’t remeber much but I remeber being beat and I cried I was probably 10 , I was always stuck in the house I wasn’t allowed to go out so I hated her for trapping me and after while she would let me go outside I think because she was getting old.. then I begged for a Xbox in 8 th grade and she got it for me and I just stood playing for years I never came around when her kids would come over I hated them and for a long time I faked the love because they were fake and I just realized how that affects me as an adult. I’m glad I got out of that toxic family. My foster mom eventually passed I had a love hate for her . As I’m understanding my past I’m growing a lot of hate for her . I have a good feeling I will never talk to any of those people but it’s sucks to have no one and just have the truama
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F Best Comment
Hi. I have CPTSD from traumas. The anger /hate is a healthy sign you're working towards recovery /helping yourself. As children we automatically defend our parents and take the blame for everything on ourselves. When we become adults is when we can realize who's fault it actually was and set boundaries (anger)

I think you will find therapy very rewarding since they will help you continue on this road. Therapy will also help you understand your "weird" behaviour or reactions due to the trauma and how to cope with it. Something I find extremely valuable.

I myself am going to start therapy in the end of this month am both nervous and excited. Remember that if you think it's the complete wrong therapy for you, or something just feels really off. You have the right to stop going and find another therapist. The therapists work is to make you feel validated and safe and then slowly push you and encourage you outside comforts. To help you grow confident and feel happy. You're in charge but the challenge is to let the therapist guide you.
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
@Helfreclb I'm so sorry :( you and @LostNForgotten have that loss grief in common.

Yeah I forgot, comfort shows! (Though mine are often thrillers or horror 😂)
@Helfreclb @Queendragonfly True that does sound a little bit like me.
Helfreclb · 26-30, F

Indy74 · 46-50, F
I am so sorry that you had to endure this trauma in your life. Have you sought out therapy to get things out in the open? Plus, have you found your biological mother or father? Maybe some of these steps could help you understand things and get on the right track. Best wishes to you!! 🤗
Indy74 · 46-50, F
@Helfreclb I am here for you if you need to talk about anything or need a friend. I can understand everything being so overwhelming. You can do it.
Helfreclb · 26-30, F
@Indy74 thank you🥹
Indy74 · 46-50, F
@Helfreclb You are more than welcome, you can PM me at any time!! 🤗
Joeyyy · 26-30, M
Honestly I would talk to a therapist, it's worth it.
Helfreclb · 26-30, F
@Joeyyy definitely will

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