I want to understand my mental health

I was just thinking of my past as a child it’s hard to remember but I do remeber certain things..I was adopted , my foster dad passed in middle school so my foster mom and her kids were raising me. I found out I was adopted after searching and searching for answers. At a young people made fun of how old my foster mom was and what age she had me which had me question myself. Her kids treated me wrong , I remeber her son chocked me and apologized right after I don’t recall what happened but I hated all of them and I felt like my mom forced me to love them but little did she know the emotional abuse I went through and after awhile I got older she would send them to hit me because I was misbehaving, one time her other son took those belts you workout with and beat me and she just stood there , I was left with bruises I can’t remeber much but I remeber being beat and I cried I was probably 10 , I was always stuck in the house I wasn’t allowed to go out so I hated her for trapping me and after while she would let me go outside I think because she was getting old.. then I begged for a Xbox in 8 th grade and she got it for me and I just stood playing for years I never came around when her kids would come over I hated them and for a long time I faked the love because they were fake and I just realized how that affects me as an adult. I’m glad I got out of that toxic family. My foster mom eventually passed I had a love hate for her . As I’m understanding my past I’m growing a lot of hate for her . I have a good feeling I will never talk to any of those people but it’s sucks to have no one and just have the truama