My anorexia hell
It all started my first year of secondary school it's where everything changes from primary school where everything was usually nicer, now it was hormones and social groups where you fitted in or there was something "wrong" with you. PE is where the judgement happens the team picking, where you are picked by the "sporty" or "popular" kids determined your place in this new school. First you were cool or athletic middle was you were ok, but towards the last few people where you can see them trying to work out who the disliked the least if you ended up there or last often somethings "wrong" with you. That's where I was picked constantly or dead last.
I was never unhealthy I liked PE in primary school enjoyed sports day but at secondary school I started to feel I must look unfit or fat cause I ended up being picked last almost everytime. So I exercised more ate less snacks and sweets still the same everytime. I started to throw my lunch away then I started to stop eating breakfast. Now I was getting aware of people staring at me or girls looking at me in the changing room and whispering. I started to lie a dinner "I'm not hungry" or "I ate lunch late" still the stares the whispers the feeling shunned.
I really thought I was fat I looked at myself and even when I was almost a skeleton I just saw a fat girl. I wore big baggy clothes at home I thought to cover my fat body but I think it was to hide how much weight I lost. But the truth comes out in the end and it happened at school I had gotten so weak in maths at the end of class I stood up to leave felt very dizzy and light headed then I fell smacking my head on the desk behind.
I ended up in hospital and seeing how upset my family were I knew I was not well the doctors tried to get me to eat even just a little it was a struggle but the thing that made me snap out of the mindset that made me think I was fat was seeing myself wasting away. Seeing myself looking so weak and skeletal it made me cry like full on scream crying.
So I started the long road to recovery still on it turned out I had developed social anxiety which had just made things so much worse but now I'm back to a safe weight feeling better not great but better about myself.
It's silly to think that a stupid social thing like being picked last for teams at school could cause that but a new school new people plus hormones and puberty not a great mix.
Thank you if you read this I know it was long but I felt I needed to write this. I don't know if my experience will help anyone else everyone goes through anorexia and other body issues for different reasons. But I want people to know it isn't unbeatable you can with help get over it. If you don't believe in yourself I believe in you you can beat it!
I was never unhealthy I liked PE in primary school enjoyed sports day but at secondary school I started to feel I must look unfit or fat cause I ended up being picked last almost everytime. So I exercised more ate less snacks and sweets still the same everytime. I started to throw my lunch away then I started to stop eating breakfast. Now I was getting aware of people staring at me or girls looking at me in the changing room and whispering. I started to lie a dinner "I'm not hungry" or "I ate lunch late" still the stares the whispers the feeling shunned.
I really thought I was fat I looked at myself and even when I was almost a skeleton I just saw a fat girl. I wore big baggy clothes at home I thought to cover my fat body but I think it was to hide how much weight I lost. But the truth comes out in the end and it happened at school I had gotten so weak in maths at the end of class I stood up to leave felt very dizzy and light headed then I fell smacking my head on the desk behind.
I ended up in hospital and seeing how upset my family were I knew I was not well the doctors tried to get me to eat even just a little it was a struggle but the thing that made me snap out of the mindset that made me think I was fat was seeing myself wasting away. Seeing myself looking so weak and skeletal it made me cry like full on scream crying.
So I started the long road to recovery still on it turned out I had developed social anxiety which had just made things so much worse but now I'm back to a safe weight feeling better not great but better about myself.
It's silly to think that a stupid social thing like being picked last for teams at school could cause that but a new school new people plus hormones and puberty not a great mix.
Thank you if you read this I know it was long but I felt I needed to write this. I don't know if my experience will help anyone else everyone goes through anorexia and other body issues for different reasons. But I want people to know it isn't unbeatable you can with help get over it. If you don't believe in yourself I believe in you you can beat it!
