@ozgirl512 yup. Ring a bell and a dog salivates. Crazy. Gives me hope that my PTSD can be unconditioned, however some studies say that severe stress and trauma can literally rewire your brain and it’s neural pathways, so maybe not.
@Trippy I’m very impulsive, part of my musician artist type personality... but because of my adult onset of severe mental illness and trauma that accompanied it, I’d have to get over my crippling anxiety to say the words and not just flee the situation.
@ozgirl512 Let’s hope so for me. I’m truly trying but many of the underlying issues are still there, so there’s not truly a full path back, because that road no longer exists.
@Trippy You should have met the girl I was before all of this. Lead guitarist and lead singer in a female lead Industrial Metal band. I was a fucking force of nature. But apparently I was meant to be the crazy girl that don’t hardly leave her apartment. Lucky me.
@ozgirl512 I saw myself in each one who in no certain terms said no. Yet I've accepted handouts before in my life. Was a mind blowing experience for me.
@Trippy My odds aren’t good, sweetheart, but I love your encouragement. The facts as they are is that I’ve had five dosage increases since I left the hospital in less than four years. I’m on a specific cocktail of drugs to treat what I am. It took a long time just to get here and this is all that works. Barring a new medications for what I suffer (nothing has come to market for a long time,) I’m stuck with what I take. The medications are decades old and I’m already starting to near maximum dosage as my body slowly adapts and I build a resistance to it’s treatment. Eventually I will lose this fight, my hell will return, and I will be lost in the nightmare of my own mind... unable to separate reality from fantasy. My future is die back in the hospital trapped and alone, a victim of my own mind. The thought terrifies and depresses me but that day is not today. For today, I dance... and I sing... and I cry... happy tears, because I can tell people I love them and show people I care. I can hand a blanket to a homeless vet at the shelter and be touched by his tears. I will continue to burn my candle until my fires burn no more, as no one can be sure when time is done and their journey has ended. 🖤