I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me

I'm 38 years old. Was married from 16 - 32 yrs old to an extremely abusive man. I've been in 3 relationships since.
1) I was the other woman, and had no idea. He is now happily married, to his then fiance. She forgave him. And he told me I never mattered.
2) Six months into the relationship, I learned after a call from the county hospital he wasn't just "off" but a legit schizophrenic.
3) Three days after quitting my job, moving to his town to move in with him, that he's an Internet whore.
So.. I'm 38 years old, and I've never been loved.

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lalasway1 · 46-50, F

Loretta, I wonder the same thing almost daily. My husband surely tried to kill me.. Many many times. That's how I got away,actually. The day I ran away, I was laying on the floor, bloody, in the living room. I could hear him in the kitchen, pacing and talking to himself out loud. When I was able to concentrate on what he was saying, I realized he was planning out what to do with my body. He thought he'd killed me. Suddenly it hit me, if I didn't get up and run - he would. So I somehow got up and to the front door, and ran. I made it to a small shopping center where I saw a man on a laptop & asked him to please let me email my family in California. I was in Florida. He let me, and stayed with me until help came. I ran away around 9 am with only the clothes on my back. I'm still technically married because I'm too afraid to file for divorce and give up my location.
But part of me wonders if that choice to run.. Was the wrong one.