Heart in Drafts

I loved you
in the quiet ways
no one claps for

in the spaces between messages
you never meant to send me
but I answered anyway
with a little heart too eager

you were never cruel
just absent in the spaces
I imagined you would be in

and I kept rearranging myself
to fit into your almosts
your maybes
your sometimes

like love was something I could earn
if I became soft enough
small enough
patient enough

but you never reached for me
the way I reached for you

still, I memorized you
like a language I would never speak fluently
like the first page of a book I’ll never finish
like the words I never send

and I learned the hardest part
wasn’t losing you

it was realizing
you were never holding me
in the first place