I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me
She was a close friend. I knew her for a year and she seemed perfect. Really feminine, intelligent, soft-spoken and stunningly beautiful (at least in my eyes). I mustered my courage one day and clumsily blurted out my feelings. She said three words which impaled my heart "Don't talk rubbish" and left. She got awkward after that and started avoiding me. I was told later by a mutual friend that she gets annoyed and uncomfortable every time I glance in her direction. So I decided I wouldn't glance again. She kept becoming more and more beautiful but I never glanced. I stopped sitting with them and started hanging out with a different set of guys. It was the first time I had ever mustered the courage to confess my love for someone. It left a gaping hole. I lost a friend and a love.
A mutual friend of ours, another girl, then told me "Never lose a friend to get a girlfriend; it's a bad trade."
So I swallowed my feelings and continued with my life. The gossip had spread like wildfire. I was talk of the whole campus. It was so awkward between us that if we were alone in the same room, the sheer awkwardness would kill all the plants in a 50 metre radius! I began to resent this girl. I got annoyed. Three years of resentment went by. I finally called her up one day after we had passed out of college. I didn't want to resent her anymore. I didn't want to hate anymore. I wanted to move on. I made the call. She answered and I said hi. I said I was sorry for making things awkward. She laughed. Oh I thought I was over her. But when she laughed. Oh god. BAM! A huge dam of emotion exploded and all those repressed feelings came back. All the love came back with a vengeance. For a moment, I was madly in love with her again. I experienced that feeling one last time, coursing through my blood into every sinew of my body. And then, I let that feeling go forever.
My first confession was a train wreck. Through this wreckage, I learnt something about myself: I am strong enough to overcome ANYTHING! Through the pain, I distilled strength. Through heartbreak, my heart grew stronger. Through the self-doubt, I extracted faith. Through the misery, I gained a little bit of wisdom. Through fear, I developed courage.
And now, everything is right with the world because through darkness, I found my own light.
A mutual friend of ours, another girl, then told me "Never lose a friend to get a girlfriend; it's a bad trade."
So I swallowed my feelings and continued with my life. The gossip had spread like wildfire. I was talk of the whole campus. It was so awkward between us that if we were alone in the same room, the sheer awkwardness would kill all the plants in a 50 metre radius! I began to resent this girl. I got annoyed. Three years of resentment went by. I finally called her up one day after we had passed out of college. I didn't want to resent her anymore. I didn't want to hate anymore. I wanted to move on. I made the call. She answered and I said hi. I said I was sorry for making things awkward. She laughed. Oh I thought I was over her. But when she laughed. Oh god. BAM! A huge dam of emotion exploded and all those repressed feelings came back. All the love came back with a vengeance. For a moment, I was madly in love with her again. I experienced that feeling one last time, coursing through my blood into every sinew of my body. And then, I let that feeling go forever.
My first confession was a train wreck. Through this wreckage, I learnt something about myself: I am strong enough to overcome ANYTHING! Through the pain, I distilled strength. Through heartbreak, my heart grew stronger. Through the self-doubt, I extracted faith. Through the misery, I gained a little bit of wisdom. Through fear, I developed courage.
And now, everything is right with the world because through darkness, I found my own light.
31-35, M