I feel my heart smouldering

Im getting tired of living. Everything is ignored like a fog in my life. Out of focus. My eyes always wishing for death. That i was somewhere else. Everywhere i go i just want to leave. Im so tired. The loneliness, pointlessness, Apathy, and fog plaque me every day. At least in my mind i can pretend im happy, somewhere else. But when i come out of my reverie, i realize its again a lie. And my heart smoulders. The time comes when ill stop waiting for death. And take it into my own hands. So tired.