My Story Isn't Necessarily Typical
I know I will probably get a lot of flack for this, but I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and in my romantic relationships, I need lots of reassurance and attention from my romantic partner. Now, granted I'm what some people would consider a "high functioning Borderline" . This means, I can hide my feelings pretty easier or at least seem not as intense as what's actually going on.
I mainly don't see a point in showing someone who clearly doesn't match my energy my feelings and so forth and prefer to move on, ..which brings me to why I'm posting this here.
I was in a long distance relationship with a man for a little over a year and after awhile, I started to feel as though his messages to me were getting less and less. As a Borderline, this registers as someone is losing interest in me so I'm inclined to leave before they do, which is what happened.
The pain I feel from slowly watching someone contact me less and less is just too much for me to sit around and wait for the entire thing to blow up in my face. As I've said, I'm really intense and have been in and out of psychwards my entire life.
Anyways - Even though I have to leave that relationship behind, it is still very painful because now I'm going to be very much single and lonely. I know it sounds pathetic but I really don't care — I need another deep connection. I need a new boyfriend or girlfriend. I can't do this alone and humans weren't made to be alone, anyways.
I don't care if I'm "not ready" yet. If I start liking someone new, I will automatically be completely over my ex because that's how I am. I have never in life gone backwards to an ex. So, that doesn't happen with me.
Anyways, my heart is broken and I feel like relationships in general are destined for failure for the simple fact that, romantic relationships are based on emotion. The reason I say this is because without romantic emotions for that person, the relationship falls flat and there's no more reason to be there.
Romantic relationships need emotional attachment passion, and lust to thrive and nobody can tell me any different. So, here I am trying not to cry...feeling heartbroken,...waiting to be saved by my next Knight.
I'm pathetic? Oh well. Where's my knight, now?
I mainly don't see a point in showing someone who clearly doesn't match my energy my feelings and so forth and prefer to move on, ..which brings me to why I'm posting this here.
I was in a long distance relationship with a man for a little over a year and after awhile, I started to feel as though his messages to me were getting less and less. As a Borderline, this registers as someone is losing interest in me so I'm inclined to leave before they do, which is what happened.
The pain I feel from slowly watching someone contact me less and less is just too much for me to sit around and wait for the entire thing to blow up in my face. As I've said, I'm really intense and have been in and out of psychwards my entire life.
Anyways - Even though I have to leave that relationship behind, it is still very painful because now I'm going to be very much single and lonely. I know it sounds pathetic but I really don't care — I need another deep connection. I need a new boyfriend or girlfriend. I can't do this alone and humans weren't made to be alone, anyways.
I don't care if I'm "not ready" yet. If I start liking someone new, I will automatically be completely over my ex because that's how I am. I have never in life gone backwards to an ex. So, that doesn't happen with me.
Anyways, my heart is broken and I feel like relationships in general are destined for failure for the simple fact that, romantic relationships are based on emotion. The reason I say this is because without romantic emotions for that person, the relationship falls flat and there's no more reason to be there.
Romantic relationships need emotional attachment passion, and lust to thrive and nobody can tell me any different. So, here I am trying not to cry...feeling heartbroken,...waiting to be saved by my next Knight.
I'm pathetic? Oh well. Where's my knight, now?
31-35, F
