I Believe In Love

Yes, I believe in it... Just wondering why, as I age, it seems more and more elusive? She lay beside me each night, we touch, make love, smile, say the words - but still I struggle with an empty feeling inside. It is not all encompassing, the empty feeling. Just a dark blip on the radar; a pinhole. But it is enough to make me reflect on every aspect of our relationship... from the simple questions like "Am I happy?" To the more complex, "Am I HAPPY?". From there my brains spirals and hurdles toward thinking maybe she is with a sociopath. Then I begin to think I am simply overthinking everything.

Perhaps it is time to meditate. Quiet my monkey mind and trust the larger world.

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InShadows · F

Are you sure it's your relationship at the heart of this? Sometimes that kind of loneliness has a different, deeper source- and we only translate in questioning our relationships because that's where we expect to get our wholeness, or comfort from...

DeadNGone · 51-55, M

@InShadows That is brilliant... And I truly have no idea. But I will think on that, for sure. Thank you for sharing!

InShadows · F

@DeadNGone I can say this because I'm going through it. Just know you're not alone. You are right not to make any rash decisions as you are figuring it all out. Perhaps concentrating on your friendship with your other half, and meditating on the good you have between you, and what you like about her just as a person, will help give you some comfort and stability while you are considering the larger question?

DeadNGone · 51-55, M

@InShadows It is a new approach for me... but yes, quietly and patiently watching seems safest. Not to mention she is an amazing woman with an incredible heart. But I truly like your question you posed above - never even considered it. I know my core has been shattered...

InShadows · F

Since this is an old issue for you, perhaps a new approach is what you need. Remember to be patient with yourself while you consider this. It is a very big question. And you will reach a conclusion that makes sense when it's the right time for you. I think we forget that WE CHANGE! We go through things as life moves, or layers of things appear or are uncovered. I think half the trouble is we forget to move with it- we fight it. Or, we think that if we question something we haven't before about our lives- that means it must be bad, or not right for us anymore- when in reality, we may need to adjust our expectations to what is NOW reasonable to expect, or simply take stock of things and say "hmmm- yes, I still want that"...

DeadNGone · 51-55, M

@InShadows I think, if anything, I am very aware of change - especially within myself. I think that leads to fear... fear what's right today won't be tomorrow (why, perhaps, I cringe at commitment).

InShadows · F

@DeadNGone I guess that's why we have to be flexible when we finally get the answer that resonates as truth for us...