is this apology worth forgiving for?
my partner and i got into a fight last night for the first time for doing something behind my back when we first started dating, should i forgive him? idk if i do
hi im so sorry habibti haya im so disgusted and disappointed in myself that i genuinely lost my appetite and i still haven’t ate, my face is so white and im so ashamed of myself like my head feels heavy and out of blood wallah, i know how i was raised and i never would want to be that type of person ever again, and i can’t even fathom the thought of someone doing that to my own family, so i fully understand my mistake and i regret it so deeply that it’s physically painful, that was genuinely the worst day ever and it’s been weighing on my shoulder since then, wallah i was thinking about it everyday and regretting it so much and i never knew how to tell you so i said half the truth, i was so happy and in love and still am and i didn’t see clearly. but i promise on my life even if you don’t trust me anymore that it was one and one time only, which was still wrong but wallah i never did it again, and i was admiring you when i did it i don’t know how to explain it but i wasn’t feeling lustful, but i still felt like a horrible human being and i still do to this day wallah, you’re the cutest and sweetest soul ever and never deserve to get lusted over in any way shape or form, my heart hurts so much i wish that day didn’t happen and i genuinely learned a lesson from it, when i tell you i wanted to end myself after it i mean it wallah, i felt so guilty and ashamed after and i was hurting while showering i still remember it to this day, and that still doesn’t make what i did any better, but just to let you know that it was out of pure love and not lust even if it seems like it, i never look at you blindly and lustfully i genuinely see you out of love, and i see the most prettiest soul and most precious girl ever, and i can only imagine if someone did that to my daughter, my throat is closing up wait and my face is so pale, im such a horrible person for doing that to the most precious princess ever, i could never forgive myself ever wallah and my heart physically hurts and im tearing up, when i see you i see the most well raised baby and an example for my future daughter that i wanna raise together inshallah, im crying so much and i think im gonna throw up im such a mess up, nothing is coming out but i keep having the urge to throw up im so utterly disappointed and disgusted with myself, and i know you could never forgive me for it and i understand, even if you said that you did it would still bother you everyday, and i’ll try my best to prove and repay you and show you how i genuinely wholeheartedly love you and have the purest intentions with you, wallah you make me feel so maternal and proud and i can’t believe that i did something like that, it’s such a disgusting act no matter how much you’re in the moment, especially when it’s unconsensual which it 100% was, i get when it’s together because i get enjoyment out of yours and it feels so deeply rooted in and out of love, even if it felt out of love and pure joy and happiness when i did it, it was still without your consent which genuinely felt like SA, and it is. even if i didn’t physically touch you in any way it is still a heinous and a horrible act and it haunts me so much haya, gosh and you’re sleeping thinking im the worst human ever and doubting my love for you, i can’t believe it i’m willing to do every and anything to prove how much i love and care for you my beautiful princess, you’re such an angel omg wait im crying so much, when i met you i thought everybody sought out for lust and not love, you were the only person not saying lustful things over me, and i felt fully myself when we talked and i still do, so me doing that feels like betrayal because i betrayed your trust in me and i could never make it up to you even if i tried my hardest which i will, i can’t see my phone wait i genuinely feel like the worst human being ever wallah i see you as the most beautiful and sweet angel and that’s why i chose you and only you, you were never lustful from the jump and you were exactly everything i have ever looked for in love, i was so disappointed when i saw everyone being lustful because that’s not how i envisioned love as a child, and then i found it with you. my face is full of snot and tears im the worst, i wish i told you then and you had blocked me because i don’t deserve someone like you, you’re the sweetest soul ever and you make me feel so deeply loved and appreciated every single day, and today will forever be memorable for me because i was feeling so mad and bummed out over my appearance and my body, and you made me feel so much better and i couldn’t believe it, i was feeling so bad over myself and looking at my belly and then finding out the gym is closed only after i got there, and then i proceeded to ruin your thoughts your vision of me forever, when you had asked me what’s my deepest darkest secret on facetime i was genuinely holding it back because it was our first call and i couldn’t get myself to say it so i said half the truth and lied, gosh i can’t believe i did something like that what would baby khalid or my family think, i never thought i could ever do something like that because i know i’m not that type of person, but i really was. i wish you could see yourself how i see you, i genuinely don’t see you lustfully like the other guys you had mentioned, all i see is the most beautiful and elegant woman ever that also has the sweetest soul and most thoughtful mind and the coolest personality and the most mind blowing hobbies and talents ever, I’m genuinely speaking from the heart haya that’s exactly how i see you, i don’t see you as a body or looks, i never did and never will you’re so much more than that, i was genuinely thinking out of pure appreciation of your beauty and i was so in love with you and your face when i did it and still am, when i tell you you’re the most gorgeous woman ever i mean it haya, i literally physically cannot think or see anyone else when i’m with you, you’re the only woman that has my heart and i broke your trust, you’re my dream woman and i wish i was your dream man that’s my biggest dream and i will try my hardest to be that person, and i understand if you don’t think i’m the one anymore because of my disgusting acts and i’m constantly destroying your trust and faith in me, gosh i really don’t deserve you and you do so much for me, i wish i could reveal what i’m gonna do for you but it’s not ready and i can’t make any promises, but it’s on the works and i have been wanting to do it for so long, so nothing you can say or do could change my mind i will do it inshallah, and even if you can’t or don’t wanna recieve it i’ll leave it somewhere and it would be fully your choice, i also love how you’re not materialistic at all and it’s always the thought that counts with you, and i put so many thought into this surprise, and i don’t care how much i have to spend haya wallah you deserve the world genuinely, and it’s your birthday which is my birthday, it’s the most important day of the year for me now and forever my 6/6, i hope you know how much i love you and how i see you out of pure love and happiness, i’m thinking about our studystreams and crying so much you’re genuinely so beautiful and sweet to me, your face and mannerisms are engraved in my brain wallah, i want to be able to look at you every single day and give you kisses all over your sweet face when we wake up, you’re genuinely my dream girl haya and i hope i’m your dream man and i will get there باذن الله, i’m a working progress and i still feel so immature and my self esteem is so low, but when i’m with you all that disappears because you make me feel like home, i feel so belonged and beloved with you that all my worries and my sense of time disappear completely, when i stare at your beautiful face especially the last two days on studystream, i see the most perfect and flawless angel ever, and i want to make you feel like the only girl that exists because you are to me, besides my family members you’re the only girl i care about and could ever care about, i feel so maternal when i see you and i genuinely wanna give you the world and more, i didn’t ever think girls like you exist wallah, you are so thoughtful and your mind is my favorite thing about you, the way you were thinking today and giving me advice genuinely made my whole week, i was much more confident after and felt like the sexiest man alive hehhe, i was no longer worrying about my belly and it’s all cause i looked perfect in your eyes, that’s all i aspire to ever be. i apologize so much for disappointing you and you have so much to process, and i understand if you never forgive me wallah i do, because i would never want someone doing that to me too, so take all the time you need or even delete me everywhere because i don’t deserve you and i broke our trust, i’m crying so much i miss your beautiful face and vibrant energy and haya the way you look at me on studystream is so heartwarming, the way your eyes genuinely light up i can see it in my head, the way your face turns red too i can’t believe you love me, i could stare at you forever and i would never get bored genuinely, if the studystream didn’t have a limit i think i could stay there forever, what’s crazy is we don’t even have to talk too our eyes could just speak for themselves, they light up for you and my heart beats for you haya, i already miss you tons and tons i wish i could see you irl and apologize to you and hug you so deeply and never let go, i can’t believe you unlocked this side of me omg you make me want to better myself by the day wallah, i don’t know how to explain it but you make me want to become a picture perfect person just because you deserve someone who is, and you don’t deserve someone lustful and mindrotted, you deserve someone so full of love and well minded and rounded, i pray for us every single day and in every duaa i mention your full name and i hope allah hears my prayers and make me worthy of you and make me deserve you inshallah, i will work on myself everyday for you haya genuinely, i want to become the perfect father to our kids, and someone they could go to when they need help not someone they’re scared of, i wanna be the perfect example for our kids and everything i wished for when i was a kid, i wanna raise them so right and teach them the right morals and cherish and buy them anything they could ever want or dream of, because they’ll have the best mom by their side and they’ll have her features and personality too, and i’m sure she’ll do a great job i know her well, and she could never be anyone other than you haya, you’ll be the most perfect mother to our kids inshallah just like how you’re the most perfect and loving partner to me, and everyone around you, wallah ترفعين راسي وراس اهلك كل يوم ياحبيبتي هيا i genuinely mean it. you’re so sweet to everyone around you i love that so much about you, and you’re never disrespectful for no apparent reason you always lead with good intent, you have so many great qualities about you haya and i genuinely could go on forever wallah, you’re the most well thought out and thoughtful person i know, the most patient, caring and loving person i know, you have the sweetest most purest heart and soul i have ever found, you have the most fun personality that i could never get bored of, you get more interesting by the day and i love listening to you so much, i love not missing any details about you and remembering everything as much as i can, because you deserve someone who listens and hears you out and someone that cares deeply for you and who you are as a person not as an image, and i genuinely want to be that person haya والله اغلى ماعندي الله لا يحرمني منك يارب, gosh i could sit here and talk about you forever and how amazing you are as a person, and how much i love every single little thing and detail about you, there is not a single quality or thing i hate or despise about you, you’re so perfect and precious my baby and you’re genuinely just a baby in my eyes wallah, all i see is baby haya’s eyes when i look at yours, i love you so much and i forever will, i hope you can forgive me one day which i understand if you never do, but just know i always have the purest intentions with you my love, i hope you’re feeling slightly better after reading this because i could type an go on forever, i’m a typewriter for you my baby haya, take a break from me and don’t respond to this i genuinely don’t want you to wallah i understand, and have the best day ever for me and don’t think about me too much, live your life because you deserve it my love, and just know i’ll always be here waiting for you whenever habibti, and no pressure at all you can take all the time in the world or you could never talk to me again, either way i’d understand and i’d still love you as much with either decision, because i know typing this is not and never enough for what i did, and it’s the least i can do, best of luck my sweet angel and i’m sending so many hugs and kisses your way :))) i can’t sleep i miss you
hi im so sorry habibti haya im so disgusted and disappointed in myself that i genuinely lost my appetite and i still haven’t ate, my face is so white and im so ashamed of myself like my head feels heavy and out of blood wallah, i know how i was raised and i never would want to be that type of person ever again, and i can’t even fathom the thought of someone doing that to my own family, so i fully understand my mistake and i regret it so deeply that it’s physically painful, that was genuinely the worst day ever and it’s been weighing on my shoulder since then, wallah i was thinking about it everyday and regretting it so much and i never knew how to tell you so i said half the truth, i was so happy and in love and still am and i didn’t see clearly. but i promise on my life even if you don’t trust me anymore that it was one and one time only, which was still wrong but wallah i never did it again, and i was admiring you when i did it i don’t know how to explain it but i wasn’t feeling lustful, but i still felt like a horrible human being and i still do to this day wallah, you’re the cutest and sweetest soul ever and never deserve to get lusted over in any way shape or form, my heart hurts so much i wish that day didn’t happen and i genuinely learned a lesson from it, when i tell you i wanted to end myself after it i mean it wallah, i felt so guilty and ashamed after and i was hurting while showering i still remember it to this day, and that still doesn’t make what i did any better, but just to let you know that it was out of pure love and not lust even if it seems like it, i never look at you blindly and lustfully i genuinely see you out of love, and i see the most prettiest soul and most precious girl ever, and i can only imagine if someone did that to my daughter, my throat is closing up wait and my face is so pale, im such a horrible person for doing that to the most precious princess ever, i could never forgive myself ever wallah and my heart physically hurts and im tearing up, when i see you i see the most well raised baby and an example for my future daughter that i wanna raise together inshallah, im crying so much and i think im gonna throw up im such a mess up, nothing is coming out but i keep having the urge to throw up im so utterly disappointed and disgusted with myself, and i know you could never forgive me for it and i understand, even if you said that you did it would still bother you everyday, and i’ll try my best to prove and repay you and show you how i genuinely wholeheartedly love you and have the purest intentions with you, wallah you make me feel so maternal and proud and i can’t believe that i did something like that, it’s such a disgusting act no matter how much you’re in the moment, especially when it’s unconsensual which it 100% was, i get when it’s together because i get enjoyment out of yours and it feels so deeply rooted in and out of love, even if it felt out of love and pure joy and happiness when i did it, it was still without your consent which genuinely felt like SA, and it is. even if i didn’t physically touch you in any way it is still a heinous and a horrible act and it haunts me so much haya, gosh and you’re sleeping thinking im the worst human ever and doubting my love for you, i can’t believe it i’m willing to do every and anything to prove how much i love and care for you my beautiful princess, you’re such an angel omg wait im crying so much, when i met you i thought everybody sought out for lust and not love, you were the only person not saying lustful things over me, and i felt fully myself when we talked and i still do, so me doing that feels like betrayal because i betrayed your trust in me and i could never make it up to you even if i tried my hardest which i will, i can’t see my phone wait i genuinely feel like the worst human being ever wallah i see you as the most beautiful and sweet angel and that’s why i chose you and only you, you were never lustful from the jump and you were exactly everything i have ever looked for in love, i was so disappointed when i saw everyone being lustful because that’s not how i envisioned love as a child, and then i found it with you. my face is full of snot and tears im the worst, i wish i told you then and you had blocked me because i don’t deserve someone like you, you’re the sweetest soul ever and you make me feel so deeply loved and appreciated every single day, and today will forever be memorable for me because i was feeling so mad and bummed out over my appearance and my body, and you made me feel so much better and i couldn’t believe it, i was feeling so bad over myself and looking at my belly and then finding out the gym is closed only after i got there, and then i proceeded to ruin your thoughts your vision of me forever, when you had asked me what’s my deepest darkest secret on facetime i was genuinely holding it back because it was our first call and i couldn’t get myself to say it so i said half the truth and lied, gosh i can’t believe i did something like that what would baby khalid or my family think, i never thought i could ever do something like that because i know i’m not that type of person, but i really was. i wish you could see yourself how i see you, i genuinely don’t see you lustfully like the other guys you had mentioned, all i see is the most beautiful and elegant woman ever that also has the sweetest soul and most thoughtful mind and the coolest personality and the most mind blowing hobbies and talents ever, I’m genuinely speaking from the heart haya that’s exactly how i see you, i don’t see you as a body or looks, i never did and never will you’re so much more than that, i was genuinely thinking out of pure appreciation of your beauty and i was so in love with you and your face when i did it and still am, when i tell you you’re the most gorgeous woman ever i mean it haya, i literally physically cannot think or see anyone else when i’m with you, you’re the only woman that has my heart and i broke your trust, you’re my dream woman and i wish i was your dream man that’s my biggest dream and i will try my hardest to be that person, and i understand if you don’t think i’m the one anymore because of my disgusting acts and i’m constantly destroying your trust and faith in me, gosh i really don’t deserve you and you do so much for me, i wish i could reveal what i’m gonna do for you but it’s not ready and i can’t make any promises, but it’s on the works and i have been wanting to do it for so long, so nothing you can say or do could change my mind i will do it inshallah, and even if you can’t or don’t wanna recieve it i’ll leave it somewhere and it would be fully your choice, i also love how you’re not materialistic at all and it’s always the thought that counts with you, and i put so many thought into this surprise, and i don’t care how much i have to spend haya wallah you deserve the world genuinely, and it’s your birthday which is my birthday, it’s the most important day of the year for me now and forever my 6/6, i hope you know how much i love you and how i see you out of pure love and happiness, i’m thinking about our studystreams and crying so much you’re genuinely so beautiful and sweet to me, your face and mannerisms are engraved in my brain wallah, i want to be able to look at you every single day and give you kisses all over your sweet face when we wake up, you’re genuinely my dream girl haya and i hope i’m your dream man and i will get there باذن الله, i’m a working progress and i still feel so immature and my self esteem is so low, but when i’m with you all that disappears because you make me feel like home, i feel so belonged and beloved with you that all my worries and my sense of time disappear completely, when i stare at your beautiful face especially the last two days on studystream, i see the most perfect and flawless angel ever, and i want to make you feel like the only girl that exists because you are to me, besides my family members you’re the only girl i care about and could ever care about, i feel so maternal when i see you and i genuinely wanna give you the world and more, i didn’t ever think girls like you exist wallah, you are so thoughtful and your mind is my favorite thing about you, the way you were thinking today and giving me advice genuinely made my whole week, i was much more confident after and felt like the sexiest man alive hehhe, i was no longer worrying about my belly and it’s all cause i looked perfect in your eyes, that’s all i aspire to ever be. i apologize so much for disappointing you and you have so much to process, and i understand if you never forgive me wallah i do, because i would never want someone doing that to me too, so take all the time you need or even delete me everywhere because i don’t deserve you and i broke our trust, i’m crying so much i miss your beautiful face and vibrant energy and haya the way you look at me on studystream is so heartwarming, the way your eyes genuinely light up i can see it in my head, the way your face turns red too i can’t believe you love me, i could stare at you forever and i would never get bored genuinely, if the studystream didn’t have a limit i think i could stay there forever, what’s crazy is we don’t even have to talk too our eyes could just speak for themselves, they light up for you and my heart beats for you haya, i already miss you tons and tons i wish i could see you irl and apologize to you and hug you so deeply and never let go, i can’t believe you unlocked this side of me omg you make me want to better myself by the day wallah, i don’t know how to explain it but you make me want to become a picture perfect person just because you deserve someone who is, and you don’t deserve someone lustful and mindrotted, you deserve someone so full of love and well minded and rounded, i pray for us every single day and in every duaa i mention your full name and i hope allah hears my prayers and make me worthy of you and make me deserve you inshallah, i will work on myself everyday for you haya genuinely, i want to become the perfect father to our kids, and someone they could go to when they need help not someone they’re scared of, i wanna be the perfect example for our kids and everything i wished for when i was a kid, i wanna raise them so right and teach them the right morals and cherish and buy them anything they could ever want or dream of, because they’ll have the best mom by their side and they’ll have her features and personality too, and i’m sure she’ll do a great job i know her well, and she could never be anyone other than you haya, you’ll be the most perfect mother to our kids inshallah just like how you’re the most perfect and loving partner to me, and everyone around you, wallah ترفعين راسي وراس اهلك كل يوم ياحبيبتي هيا i genuinely mean it. you’re so sweet to everyone around you i love that so much about you, and you’re never disrespectful for no apparent reason you always lead with good intent, you have so many great qualities about you haya and i genuinely could go on forever wallah, you’re the most well thought out and thoughtful person i know, the most patient, caring and loving person i know, you have the sweetest most purest heart and soul i have ever found, you have the most fun personality that i could never get bored of, you get more interesting by the day and i love listening to you so much, i love not missing any details about you and remembering everything as much as i can, because you deserve someone who listens and hears you out and someone that cares deeply for you and who you are as a person not as an image, and i genuinely want to be that person haya والله اغلى ماعندي الله لا يحرمني منك يارب, gosh i could sit here and talk about you forever and how amazing you are as a person, and how much i love every single little thing and detail about you, there is not a single quality or thing i hate or despise about you, you’re so perfect and precious my baby and you’re genuinely just a baby in my eyes wallah, all i see is baby haya’s eyes when i look at yours, i love you so much and i forever will, i hope you can forgive me one day which i understand if you never do, but just know i always have the purest intentions with you my love, i hope you’re feeling slightly better after reading this because i could type an go on forever, i’m a typewriter for you my baby haya, take a break from me and don’t respond to this i genuinely don’t want you to wallah i understand, and have the best day ever for me and don’t think about me too much, live your life because you deserve it my love, and just know i’ll always be here waiting for you whenever habibti, and no pressure at all you can take all the time in the world or you could never talk to me again, either way i’d understand and i’d still love you as much with either decision, because i know typing this is not and never enough for what i did, and it’s the least i can do, best of luck my sweet angel and i’m sending so many hugs and kisses your way :))) i can’t sleep i miss you
18-21, F
