Stories from the journey/ Falling out of love now, I am reminded again of the cost of it

Somewhere along my big solo trip I've decided I cannot afford to be falling in love because traveling alone on low budget needs all of my energy and resources to be heightened and aware. I saw how falling in love just made me falling apart soon after and I consciously avoided it.
But this time I went beyond. It actually was nice, energising and beautiful. But the landing is meh, despite how graceful I'm trying to make it..