When it’s finally really over and you understand who you were really with 💔

He said he did love me, but admitted to partly using me as a way out of his situation (homelessness) and blamed me for messing it up. He accused me of every shitty thing possible, called me a liar, called me so many names. Once he realized he couldn’t live off of me, he didn’t care if he hurt me. I got it full force. While I know he’s just a jerk, I am hurt. I keep asking life for a love that’s real but my heart, my body and my mind end up screwed with and it takes all I have to not give up on humans completely. I’m not stupid or gullible, I trust because I can be trusted, I love because I’m loveable, I share, I give and I see the good in people. Hopefully that’s one day a reason to NOT get used. Hopefully one day someone will love me and appreciate how easy I am to be around without wanting to waste me. Hopefully I can meet someone whose ego took a seat and their heart will stand up for me when fear brings doubt. Hopefully someone will have patience to go to the depths of our souls and join. Synergize and make love as often as possible.

I look at him and I still see the good that I lost, but I’m thankful I won’t be drained. Thankful I’m free to meet someone else who will hopefully genuinely appreciate my kindness. That’s a lot of hoping when there’s little hope, but still, I don’t want to give up.