The hungry empty plate

A long time ago I used to feel very empty inside and I used to sleep almost all my nights in tears, wishing I was someone more loved, important , intelligent and successful; someone who would make people proud to know me. I already was. It's been a while since that bad time in my life and I thought I was actually better but it turned out to be that I never got better. I was very stupid. Two months ago, I started feeling that same negative void in my chest, screaming about how obnoxious I am, convincing myself that I'm too annoying for everyone. Right now I can say that I have very strong suicidal thoughts, they are continuous and the only thing I do is feed them. I don't know what to do, I know I won't succumb yet because I'm such a coward, but anyway, I can't create any more methods or escapes for this problem. I can't stand the emptiness anymore and the pain only grows.