I’ve adopted a few rules about apologies over the last 6 months as I attempt to redefine my boundaries.
Rule #1 - Never apologize for anything that is not your fault, completely outside of your control, or in situations where you don’t feel like you’ve done something wrong.
Rule #2 - When you do owe an apology make it sincerely and honestly. Say you are sorry without ever saying the word “you”.
Only stick with I / me statements. Claim the fault clearly and name it exactly. Follow it by saying something like
“ I imagine that my doing that caused you to feel (name the emotion you think they went through).
Rule #3 -offer to them an assurance that you will try not to do it again by way of naming the specific behavior change(s) you’re ready, willing and able to make.
Apologies absent that final step aren’t really apologies.
Hope this help you word things so as to be taken seriously by whomever it is you feel you owe.
Be well
Live happy
Keep trying,
Rob
