Never any longer than two months
I was angry a couple of days ago. Angry at you. Angry at myself. I don’t even know why.
Now I’m just tired.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this because I know I’m blocked. Maybe when this account is gone this post stays. I don’t know. Maybe sending it out into the void makes me feel better knowing there’s a small chance you’ll see it.
I’m not angry anymore. I found something in the archives of our friendship that I can’t believe I’ve forgotten existed. You wrote me a wall of text for my birthday so many years ago. And after reading all of that my anger and resentment just went away. I’ll choose to remember you in those times when you were my best friend. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been fighting demons. I’ve always wanted to fight them alongside you. Like one of your party members, lol. But alas you always choose to go it alone after a while. Or in gaming terms, you just log off and never finish that battle.
Basically me with Ozma, lol.
Anyway, in that wall of text you asked me to not give up on you. But know that I never did. You were always the first to pull away. And I think with each time a bit of myself gets lost. I’m never the same again. Like a Gestral that comes back, I’ll always come back differently until one day I’m no longer the person you know.
Hell, my memory recall is so bad that I probably won’t remember anything lol.
I wanted to forget these past two months ever happened, but I don’t anymore.
I don’t know if you realised but we never had a streak that lasted for more than 2 months. I guess I should have expected it. I never do because I always hope that you could push through it. I saw glimpses. I was hopeful.
I don’t know if I’ll ever come back again. It breaks my heart because I miss you more than anything. I just don’t think I can take feeling like I’m being thrown away again. So many people have made me feel that way over in the past few years and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to feel safe anymore.
I miss you and I love you, and one thing I hope is that you’ll take care of yourself.
Now I’m just tired.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this because I know I’m blocked. Maybe when this account is gone this post stays. I don’t know. Maybe sending it out into the void makes me feel better knowing there’s a small chance you’ll see it.
I’m not angry anymore. I found something in the archives of our friendship that I can’t believe I’ve forgotten existed. You wrote me a wall of text for my birthday so many years ago. And after reading all of that my anger and resentment just went away. I’ll choose to remember you in those times when you were my best friend. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been fighting demons. I’ve always wanted to fight them alongside you. Like one of your party members, lol. But alas you always choose to go it alone after a while. Or in gaming terms, you just log off and never finish that battle.
Basically me with Ozma, lol.
Anyway, in that wall of text you asked me to not give up on you. But know that I never did. You were always the first to pull away. And I think with each time a bit of myself gets lost. I’m never the same again. Like a Gestral that comes back, I’ll always come back differently until one day I’m no longer the person you know.
Hell, my memory recall is so bad that I probably won’t remember anything lol.
I wanted to forget these past two months ever happened, but I don’t anymore.
I don’t know if you realised but we never had a streak that lasted for more than 2 months. I guess I should have expected it. I never do because I always hope that you could push through it. I saw glimpses. I was hopeful.
I don’t know if I’ll ever come back again. It breaks my heart because I miss you more than anything. I just don’t think I can take feeling like I’m being thrown away again. So many people have made me feel that way over in the past few years and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to feel safe anymore.
I miss you and I love you, and one thing I hope is that you’ll take care of yourself.
