Try not to let it eat you. No one needs any toxic relationships in their life. I knew better than to marry my second wife but did anyway. The longer it went on the more toxic emotionally and financially it became.
Be happy with what you have and make the best of it.

I don't know what to say, I do know somewhere while it will hurt, letting yourself feel these emotions and being true to yourself in letting yourself is healing. You are missing something, I think from your grief, but you will find a way to heal.

Thanks for posting your story, so sorry about your father but sounds like you are on a wonderful path now and with your baby too!

I am sorry for the losses that you have felt, multiple times, in connection with your father.

Sometimes people are too bad to deal with whether it’s illness or childhood. Mine was ok til I was a teen then got sick and was out of my life for decades. It’s ok to be apart from someone who hurts you or can’t be human.

that is so complex...hopefully time will unravel any good from the bad

Tragic