Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

What would you do?

Me and my i guess now ex, have been on-off for almost three years. The reason we are always off is because whenever I bring up anything that upsets me it leads to a fight which leads to him leaving the relationship. It’s never been a mutual breakup or a calm one. He always comes back. He lives at home with mom and dad (we are 24) and his parents began involving themselves into our relationship about a year in. Although they claim to not involve themselves into their child’s relationship yet they do in his. Anyways, I complained to them that he treats me like a toy and that I no longer wanted to be with him a long time ago and they blamed it on stating he doesn’t treat me bad and that I’m just too much. Because apparently they know. I left him alone but obviously the love and attachment I felt was always there so after a month we retouched and got back together. Things were going fine until I found out I was pregnant a month ago. He didn’t want it and kept pleading that it isn’t right time. After we told his parents he stated to them “oh when she told me I felt it was blessing” bullshit to appease his catholic parents. He moved in and said he’d step up. But ever since he moved in he has been emotionally distant and cold. Two days ago we had a big fight which started because his father questioned whether I intentionally planned a pregnancy in order for him to not leave me. I cried and what did my boyfriend do? Nothing. I watched me cry and asked what i wanted him to do. Later that night he proceeded to not eat the dinner I spent two hours cooking because he decided he wanted to eat something else instead. That was my last straw and I went off on him. Of course he shut down and decided to pack a bag and run home. I got mad and panicked so I grabbed his bag and decided I was gonna stop him from avoiding the conversation. He got physical. Pushed me to the ground and pinned me down. Only stopped because my father intervened. My dad booted him home and of course his parents called me upset. Asking why I cause and look for problems. That they regret their son meeting me and getting tangled up with a girl like me. That they shouldn’t have to apologize for what the father said/thought about me. That their son has a lot going on and doesn’t need to deal with me. The guy has such an easy job and is all he does. I work two jobs, multiple side jobs, have two pets I care for, care for my elderly father, and cook/clean the house on a daily basis. They said they are gonna back their son 100% no matter what. Regardless of what he does. I have my first ultrasound Monday. He hasn’t spoken to me since he ran away. He did text me this morning saying he will speak to me after work so I guess it’s barely become convenient for him.
Even through this all I find myself still loving him some. Not as much. But still willing to try for the relationship. But I already know that he is embarrassed to come back to me after what his parents said and what he did. I already know he has too much pride to work things out. I already know he will come talk to me to declare he won’t be coming back. And idk if he’ll stick to it. I just know that I’ll be heartbroken again. That I’ll most likely be a single mother. That I’ll be having a depressing and stressful pregnancy because he was the only support system I had. And he knows that.
He will want to stay in the child’s life so he will do as he pleases and get the easy job of only seeing the child when he asks for them.
I feel like everything is so unfair.
I don’t know what to say or do or feel. I feel like everything I think and do and say is wrong and gets me in trouble.
What would you do? What would you say?
I feel like I lost everything I worked so hard for. Like I lost something very important. I can live without his parents and their respect.
I just feel heartbreak due to losing him again. When I thought we were finally gonna get our act together and grow. When things were looking like they could change.
Luckylu · 61-69, F
I read this post and the one you made about a day ago. I’m curious how your meeting to talk went. I would hazard a guess as to not good. Both of you need to grow up and treat each other with kindness and respect and keep both of your parents out of your relationship. You have a choice to make, both of you do. That choice is what are the two of you going to do in regards to this unborn child? Are you going to be the best parents you can be and do what is best for that child? Even if that means, the two of you will only be friends and share in the raising of this child? Or are you going to continue the pattern of abuse the two of you seem to have towards each other? I do mean abuse, because you choosing to discredit what he has done for you by finding something to complain about is a form of mental abuse. He may have shoved you and held you down (I am not condoning that behaviour) but you physically got in his way to try and prevent him from leaving. You have not mentioned if he has ever done anything physical like this before, so if this is the first time, you became aggressive towards him by trying to stop him, and his response was to try and defend himself. Both responses are wrong. Never physically get in the way of someone when emotions are running high. And doing so while knowing you are pregnant declares how little concern you had for the safety of the child you carry. The both of you choose to fight instead of taking the stance to calmly talk about what is wrong and working together to find a solution. If this is how your relationship will continue to be and the two of you don’t learn and work towards changing it, then it is my opinion that it is better the two of you stop trying to live together in a sexual relationship, because getting together just because you miss each other, is not a good foundation for any relationship. If you want to try then find a good counsellor and work individually and collectively on repairing, changing and growing together. You have a choice to make and once that child is born, it will not be the glue that holds you together. Only the two of you can make it work if you really and truly want to and you both will work hard to listen to each other and change the way the two of you interact together, especially when a problem arises. Why do you feel it is necessary to find something to complain about? If you are feeling miserable, don’t do things to make another person miserable with you. Misery loves company, as the saying goes. People reflect what they feel onto the people closest to them. And when they don’t feel good about themselves they find those same faults in the other person and blame them for how they feel. The only person you can change is yourself. Start there, and maybe if he sees you are working on fixing your problems he will work on fixing his, only then will there be room to build a relationship together if that is what you both want, but don’t do it for the child. No matter what you decide to do, do it for yourselves, do what is best for the both of you and if you do, then the child will benefit as well. Even if the two of you decide to separate, just be friends, or just two people who co-parent, from what I have read, you need to work on yourself or you will do the same in another relationship and continue the patterns you seem to have. You need to learn how to interact with another person in a healthy way. If you don’t, then your relationship with your child will suffer too. I know, I raised my daughter on my own since she was 2 1/2 years old, and for the first few years, there wasn’t a problem but once that child starts to try and become their own person and have autonomy, then if you haven’t learned how to interact in a healthy way, especially when problems arise, then you and your child will have problems and that child will learn from you on how to handle problems with other people. Ask yourself this, “Do you want your child to do the things you are doing? Do you want your child to interact with their significant other, or even with you, the way you interact with your significant other?” If the answer is “no”, then you have some work to do. Because that child will learn from your behaviours. I wish you all the best and I truly hope the best for you and your child.
You just have to realize just how bad life is going to be if you stay with this man child. Hate to say it but you were a great candidate for an abortion. This child is going to grow up with this guy as a part time dad whos parents are going to do everything in their religious power to turn your own child against you. Get child support for your child and move on with your life. And for God's sake find a man not a mommies and Daddies boy
@SW-User i still feel remorse for my first abortion. Promised myself I would never do one again. But that situation was much worse than this one…I really know how to pick ‘em :/
Blanchy · 31-35, F
You'll be so much happier as a single mom than you will with him. Once the baby comes, you'll love it so much that you forget about him anyways. Here's the important part:

He (or his family) might be able to claim rights to your baby if any of them are involved with the pregnancy or in the baby's life at all. You need to make sure that he and his parents never even see the baby. He will probably have to pay child support. You need to make it look like it's his own choice (as it is) to not see the baby.

Please think about this, because you don't want this kind of person to have parental rights for your baby.
@Blanchy i truly don’t. I don’t trust that he won’t hurt my child the same way he has hurt me.
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
Between a partner who runs away anytime he's confronted or being a single mom I would have chosen single mom.

This on off thing is so toxic and as long as you allow it he will keep doing it. He's taking you for granted, thinking you have nothing and no one else in your life and that you need him, sis you don't need him.

Tell him you're done with him and that you can agree to be polite to him for his child's sake but that's it.
ArtieKat · M
Unfortunately it's too late now to offer proper advice. :-(
He's a horribly spoiled child and you're better off without him..

Post Comment
670 people following
Writing How I Feel
Personal Stories, Advice, and Support
New Post
Associated Groups Forum Members