Just another not-very-happy update
I'm not happy and I don't want you in my life anymore but I can't just block and delete. I'm still going to see you for a whole other year
My father said I look like a dying flower and I do feel like I'm dying. I hate so many things about myself. At first I thought I'll give this a chance, make him happy. His feelings will eventually die and he'll move on and we'll be friends and that'll be ok, everyone will be happy, but I ended up getting caught up in this. I hated and couldn't handle how things turned from a big love to leaving my messages hanging because he's with the guys. You spend eight hours with your friends? you don't even go to the bathroom?
It's making me weak. Just sad that I've lost my value. I didn't give too much time. I didn't smother him. Anyway, I've lost and should admit that I've lost. It's ok. It's difficut to accept, especially since we're going to be seeing each other
I hate how everyone around me 'everyone who thinks I'm a big deal) has noticed this bad state I'm in and is asking why I'm so sad. Everyone except him, or maybe he noticed and this had driven him farther away from me. Maybe he just doesn't care, but he doesn't really make a lot of effort for me anymore. It makes me feel like I've lost all respect. He's not the only thing in my life. I also have long to-do lists I have been procrastinating on and I feel like a loser. I woke up today thinking "you're a loser, you're a loser. I feel like I'm not good at doing anything for myself. I have lost many battles and have wasted so much of my time. Years of my life. I didn't make as much progress as I should've. I was used and betrayed by many people and losing this big love or infatuation he had for me broke me down further. It broke me down and I still couldn't walk away. I expressed how I feel but I couldn't completely walk away because there are still things tying us together. I'm not ready yet. I'm weak. I should be strong, know that if he couldn't see my value, then that's his problem. His loss, not mine. I should work more on myself, make myself better, improve my life, get that better job I want to get, continue investing in those who invest in me and ignore those who don't give me what I need, not mind being rude
I just hate myself to a point where I'm just sitting here and letting it get stabbed. I don't love myself enough. I feel like I've let myself down and I don't even want to make the effor to rebuild and make things better. Just standing there in pain ,watching everything crumble and not doing anything to save it
I gave it a chance. I gave things time but when the behaviour remained the same, I couldn't carry on with it, couldn't accept it and couldn't ignore it, so I had to speak about it, but I know words make no difference. People feel what they feel
My father said I look like a dying flower and I do feel like I'm dying. I hate so many things about myself. At first I thought I'll give this a chance, make him happy. His feelings will eventually die and he'll move on and we'll be friends and that'll be ok, everyone will be happy, but I ended up getting caught up in this. I hated and couldn't handle how things turned from a big love to leaving my messages hanging because he's with the guys. You spend eight hours with your friends? you don't even go to the bathroom?
It's making me weak. Just sad that I've lost my value. I didn't give too much time. I didn't smother him. Anyway, I've lost and should admit that I've lost. It's ok. It's difficut to accept, especially since we're going to be seeing each other
I hate how everyone around me 'everyone who thinks I'm a big deal) has noticed this bad state I'm in and is asking why I'm so sad. Everyone except him, or maybe he noticed and this had driven him farther away from me. Maybe he just doesn't care, but he doesn't really make a lot of effort for me anymore. It makes me feel like I've lost all respect. He's not the only thing in my life. I also have long to-do lists I have been procrastinating on and I feel like a loser. I woke up today thinking "you're a loser, you're a loser. I feel like I'm not good at doing anything for myself. I have lost many battles and have wasted so much of my time. Years of my life. I didn't make as much progress as I should've. I was used and betrayed by many people and losing this big love or infatuation he had for me broke me down further. It broke me down and I still couldn't walk away. I expressed how I feel but I couldn't completely walk away because there are still things tying us together. I'm not ready yet. I'm weak. I should be strong, know that if he couldn't see my value, then that's his problem. His loss, not mine. I should work more on myself, make myself better, improve my life, get that better job I want to get, continue investing in those who invest in me and ignore those who don't give me what I need, not mind being rude
I just hate myself to a point where I'm just sitting here and letting it get stabbed. I don't love myself enough. I feel like I've let myself down and I don't even want to make the effor to rebuild and make things better. Just standing there in pain ,watching everything crumble and not doing anything to save it
I gave it a chance. I gave things time but when the behaviour remained the same, I couldn't carry on with it, couldn't accept it and couldn't ignore it, so I had to speak about it, but I know words make no difference. People feel what they feel
