In a an apartment of emptiness

I had some inspectors come to my apartment and come to find out I have mold in one of my bedrooms one inspector says I’ve been here for a while. I don’t know how he meant that but I figured because my apartment is pretty empty and my mattress is on the floor and my couch is the only piece of furniture. It’s kind of embarrassing when I look at it myself, I don’t have no TVs and no entertainment for myself and I’m pretty sure people will feel bad when they come to my apartment. I do feel bad a lot of times because my ex just didn’t care and destroyed everything I had and now me and my son barely have anything my son barely has toys. I feel bad a lot, and I think that’s what triggers my anxiety and depression, at least I could see in my apartment is pretty clean. It’s almost every day. I mean it’s never ending from the moment I wake up till I go to bed . I always feel tired . Sometimes I just questioning my existence and why would I would put on this world to just continuously make mistakes and suffer but I know that’s selfish to say but it’s like I had the same thing happen where I had my ex coming into my apartment from the window and he destroyed my stuff and then now he did it again so now I really have nothing but at least he’s in jail. It’s just hard thinking of everything. I lost that I cannot replace …..the time that can never be given back. I feel like a broken record every day posting on this website by my pain is so deep.