I really do feel like giving up

Everytime I buy myself something just for myself like a 3.99 book, bad things happen. I don't know maybe the universe thinks I have been way too selfish and I don't deserve any life things and I have to spend money on everyone else and not for myself. You might think I'm just looking for people to give me money or some shit like that but I really think it's true, even if I was rich I won't be able to be buy me things not even on my birthday which is was a few days ago, I couldn't keep anything and refund a book I just bought. Many of my friends say I'm just crazy and it's all in my head that I deserve things but really what are the odds after not buying myself anything for 4 months and I get a really bad message right after? I mean that's happened 6 times in a roll. Even when people try to give me gifts that are not for my baby and if it's not food, something bad happens. Its happened way too many times. I'm not saying this to get attention and pity but I am just exhausted trying to be happy you know?