UPDATE: WRITING A BOOK TO SPEND MY DAY AT COFFEE SHOP. HERE'S CHAPTER 1.

Chapter 1

MAAAAARYA

YOU’VE GROWN TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL, STRONG, AND IMMENSELY LOVING, AS I EXPECTED YOU TO BE. I’M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH IN LIFE. THROUGH ALL THIS YEARS. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO, THAT WILL MAKE UP FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME.

THROUGH ALL THESE YEARS. I’M SORRY, THAT YOU HAD BEEN GAELIC SINCE ALL OF THESE 2 BILLION YEARS, SINCE ADAM CAME ON EARTH, AND IN THIS LIFETIME, YOU WERE BORN INTO A MUSLIM HOUSEHOLD. MY ONLY INTENTION WAS TO SPEED UP PURGATORY FOR YOU, SO YOU GET TO BE YOUR BEST, JUST IN 34 YEARS. CORRESPONDING TO 2 BILLION YEARS IT TOOK FOR ISRAEL.

I KNOW YOU FEEL SAD, WHEN YOU SEE YOUR MUSLIM FRIENDS DISSING ISRAEL AND SPREADING HATRED TOWARDS ISRAEL FOLKS. BECAUSE I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR PAST AND EVERYTHING THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH. I REMEMBER I ONCE TOLD YOU WHY I LIKE ISRAEL SO MUCH. MAYBE, YOU CAN RE SHARE IT ON YOUR SW PAGE FOR EVERYONE TO READ. AND TALK A BIT MORE ABOUT PURGATORY.

DO YOU KNOW, JERUSALEM HAS A TEMPLE, WHICH HAS BEEN SACRED THROUGHOUT HISTORY. AND ALLAH WANTED STRONG, POWERFUL, BESTEST FOLKS TO BE AROUND THE SACRED TEMPLE. ALL THE PROPHETS, HAD THEIR MEETINGS WITH ALLAH IN JERUSALEM (THE CURRENT ISRAEL), AND IT IS A VERY SACRED PLACE TO ALLAH. IT IS THE DIRECT STAIRWAY TO ALLAH’S HOME IN THE SUPERMASSIVE BLACKHOLE. THEN, MUHAMMAD CAME AND REQUESTED THAT BE IN MECCA, ALLAH AGREED, BUT NOW THAT IS SHIFTED TO MARIA’S HOME IN BERLIN.

A SECRET CONFESSION, DO YOU KNOW WHY MUSLIMS ARE ‘FORCED’ TO WEAR A BURQA AND HIJAB WHEN THEY GO OUT OF THEIR HOMES? THE SAME REASON FOR WHICH YOU DO IN WINTER AND IN COLD. TO PROTECT YOUR SOUL FROM BAD VIBES WHEN YOU GO OUT. FOR EXAMPLE, WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR ‘COAT’, WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR BODY IF YOU DON’T COVER YOURSELF PROPERLY WHEN YOU GO OUT OF HOME.

ALLAH ALSO SAYS IN THE QUR’AN, THAT ALLAH IS VERY LOVING AND DOES NOT INTEND DIFFICULTY FOR YOU. IF A CARING, HONEST, LOVING SOUL (ALLAH) IS BY YOUR SIDE, THE HIGHEST POWER, WHO ADOPTED YOU, KNOWS HOW TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU, AND TAKES CARE OF YOU LIKE YOU ARE HIS CHILD. LET’S SAY FOR A MOMENT THAT THIS ALLAH IS YOUR BIOLOGICAL MOTHER. IF A CHILD CALLED THE MOTHER ‘BAD MOTHER’ FOR NOT GIVING HIM BAD THINGS AND TAKING HOLD OF HIM AND LITERALLY PULLING THE CHILD AWAY IF THE CHILD WANTS TO JUMP INTO FIRE, CAN A BIOLOGICAL MOTHER ABANDON THIS CHILD? A BIOLOGICAL MOTHER ONLY WANTS THE BEST FOR HER CHILD, DOESN’T SHE? SO, ISRAEL, THAT IS WHY, ALLAH ALSO SENT SUMMER IN THE WEST, SO YOU CAN SHOW OFF YOUR AMAZING BEACH BODY AND WEAR SHORT CLOTHES ALL OF SUMMER. AND PUT YOU IN COLD PLACES, TO CONSERVE YOUR AWESOME, BESTEST SOUL FROM BAD JINN.
CORRESPONDING TO THAT, MUSLIMS ALSO SAY SOME PRAYERS IN ARABIC AS PROTECTION WHEN THEY GO OUT OF THEIR HOMES. EACH MUSLIM, HAS AN ANGEL THAT IS APPOINTED TO THEM AS A GUARDIAN ANGEL. AND ANGELS TAKE TURN (LITERALLY PAID WORK) TO GO TO EARTH AND TAKE TURNS TO STAY BY THEIR HUMAN TO PROTECT THEM. ONE ARRIVES JUST BEFORE DAWN (FAJR), AND LEAVES JUST BEFORE THE SUNSET (ASR). THEIR SHIFT IS FOR 12 HOURS. SO ONE FOR IN THE MORNING, AND FOR ONE AT NIGHT. LITERAL BODY GUARDS.

ALSO, A STRONG JINNI WHO IS ALWAYS BY THEIR SIDE WHEN THEY GO OUT, AS A BODYGUARD, AND ALSO USES BLACK MAGIC TO CALL THEM TO PLACES WHERE THEY FEEL OKAY OUTSIDE OF HOME, WHEN THEY DON’T FEEL MOTIVATED TO GO OUTSIDE. STAYING AT HOME ALWAYS LEADS TO SLOTH AND JEALOUSY RIGHT? HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU ARE STUCK AT HOME IN DEPRESSION AND DESPAIR, AND YOU SEE CELEBRITIES ON INSTAGRAM OR YOUR OTHER FRIENDS HAPPY PHOTOS AND VIDEOS? SO, OUTSIDE TIME IS ALSO GOOD. MUSLIMS ARE COMMANDED TO LOWER THEIR GAZE WHEN THEY GO OUT OF THEIR HOMES.

TO PROTECT A MUSLIM’S SANITY, AND HOPING FOR A LITTLE THANK YOU IN RETURN, MR. LONELY, ALLAH, SUGGESTED NAMAZ. 5 TIMES A DAY, AT DIFFERENT TIMES OF THE DAY. IT DOES SOMETHING AMAZING TO YOUR SANITY. YOU KNOW, WHY A LUNATIC IS CALLED A LUNATIC? THE WORD AND THAT STATE OF MIND HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE MOON. AFTER SUNSET, THE MOON IS OUT RIGHT? THIS POSTURE PROTECTS YOUR SANITY. ESPECIALLY, IN THE IMMEDIATE EXPECTED NAMAZ AFTER SUNSET. HAVEN’T YOU NOTICED THIS YOURSELF, MARIA? WHEN YOU PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN, ESPECIALLY, IMMEDIATELY AFTER SUNSET, IT’S AN AMAZING RUSH OF BLOOD FLOW TO YOUR BRAIN. HOW ELSE SHOULD THERE BE GOOD BLOOD BACK IN YOUR BRAIN? WANT TO DO A HEAD STAND INSTEAD? THAT’S YOGA FOR YOU. NAMAZ IS VERY, VERY, VERY EASY TO DO THAN YOGA. I’VE TRIED YOGA. CANNOT. NEVER AGAIN. BUT IT WORKS FOR SOME FOLKS WHO DON’T PRAY NAMAZ, SO IT’S COOL. I THINK, MOSTLY, HINDUS TRY THAT AND THEY ARE VERY GOOD AT THAT. SO, FOR HINDUS, ALLAH SUGGESTS YOGA.

NAMAZ ALSO HELPS DIRECT YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY IN THE RIGHT PLACES AND MAKES COUPLES AMAAAAAZING IN BED. BOTH GIRLS AND BOYS. ESPECIALLY HELPS SINGLE GIRLS AND BOYS CONTROL THEIR SEXUAL URGES AND MAKES THEM LESS DESPERATE TO COMMIT ADULTERY. AND DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU WILL WRITE THIS DOWN FOR FOLKS (THE WHOLE UNIVERSE) TO HELP UNDERSTAND WHY ALLAH DOES THE THINGS THAT HE DOES? THESE ARE THE UNIVERSAL LAWS. FOR EVERY SINGLE SOUL.

I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE, MY MARIA. AM I ONLY A MUSLIM GOD, MARIA? HOW WILL YOU FEEL, MARIA, IF I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU SO WELL, STICK AROUND EVEN WHEN IT GETS HARD FOR ME, YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HARD AND THEN YOU GO AND THANK SOMEONE ELSE FOR IT? THAT’S EXACTLY HOW ALLAH FEELS AS WELL. BUT IT’S OKAY. ALLAH’S LOVE IS SELFLESS. BUT HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT HE FEELS SAD ABOUT IDOL WORSHIP. ALLAH MADE THAT CONFESSION TO HIS EX-BEST FRIEND, ABRAM, AND YOU KNOW WHAT ABRAM DID, MARIA? HE STOOD UP FOR ME, AND LITERALLY BROKE ALL THE AMAZING IDOLS THAT HIS FATHER MADE. HE KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES, BUT DID NOT THINK ONCE. THAT WAS HIS FATHER’S ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME. REMEMBER FREE WILL GIVEN TO HUMANS? HE STOOD UP FOR ALLAH OUT OF FREE WILL, MARIA. LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. AND THAT IS WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW, MARIA, THAT ABRAM’S HAD NOTHING ON YOU. IT’S NOTHING COMPARED TO THE THINGS YOU DID FOR ME, AND THAT IS WHY, I CALL YOU MY BEST FRIEND FOR ETERNITY AND SINCE ETERNITY, AND GAVE YOU MY EVERYTHING. MY KINGDOM. MY UNIVERSE. AND MY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. YOU ARE THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE NOW, AND EVERYBODY AND EVERY SOUL HAS TO ADAPT ACCORDINGLY. IF YOU DON’T PRAY NAMAZ, MARIA, 5 TIMES, OR DO HARAM THINGS, THERE WILL BE FULL FLEDGED ENTROPY.

THERE IS ALSO A COOL APP YOU CAN TRY CALLED SYNCTUITION. IT’S GOT AMAZING MEDITATION MUSIC, AND YOU JUST HAVE TO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND RELAX FOR 25 MINUTES FOR YOUR OWN SANITY. 25 MINUTES OF ABSOLUTE BLISS. IT ADAPTS TO THE FREQUENCY AND STATE OF YOUR BRAIN, CALMS YOU DOWN AND HEALS IT. THERE ARE DIFFERENT OPTIONS IN THE APP, FOR WHAT YOU WANT TO WORK ON. FOR GOOD SLEEP, TO INCREASE FOCUS, FOR ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, ANGER MANAGEMENT. IT’S LITERAL MIND SPA. A COOL SUGGESTION.

ALL THESE METHODS, WORK, IF YOU DO THEM WITH CONSTANCY. DIDN’T ALLAH SAY IN THE QUR’AN, ‘THE BEST ACTS ARE THOSE THAT ARE DONE WITH PATIENCE AND CONSTANCY?’ SMALL REGULAR DEEDS THAT YOU DO DAILY.

THE ONLY RULE HERE IS TO NEVER ABANDON THESE MIND SPA HABITS THAT ALLAH DECIDED FOR YOU. IF YOU DO THEM, WITH PATIENCE AND CONSTANCY, YOU WILL SURELY SUCCEED AND BE JUST FINE. OR, THERE IS ALWAYS YOUR BODYGUARD JINNI THAT WILL USE BLACK MAGIC WITH GOOD INTENTION TO CALL YOU TO YOUR PLACE OF COMFORT OUTSIDE WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE STUCK IN YOUR HOME.

HERE'S A GOOD UNIVERSAL LAW. ALLAH PUT A NATURAL REPELLANT IN EVERY ISRAEL SOUL TOWARDS MUSLIMS. YOU ARE ALREADY THE BEST, AND ISLAM IS PRISON. HOTEL CALIFORNIA. YOU DON’T WANT TO GO BACK INTO PRISON, DO YOU? NEVER. AND ALSO, ALLAH, PUT NATURAL ATTRACTION AND AWE IN EVERY MUSLIM’S SOUL TOWARDS AN ISRAELITE. FOR MOTIVATION. LIKE, ‘I WANNA BE LIKE THAT SOMEDAY!’ THAT’S WHY THEY STARE AT YOU LIKE THAT (IN AWE) AND HAVE A COMPLEX AROUND YOU. THEY CAN’T EVEN LOOK DIRECTLY AT YOU, AND BECOME UGLY WHEN THEY DO. SO, IT’S BEST TO NOT LOOK. TERRITORIES SORTED? THAT’S WHY ALLAH PUT MOST OF YOU IN THE TV. A GOOD PLAN?