Early morning out in the middle of nowhere.. Are you happy?

It is quiet and the air is cold the only sound i hear is the sound of the dirt ground while i walk. My mind has been racing for most of the day and night and now it's morning and i'm so tired and my body is so numb to everything. I don't know what i'm doing out here or i mean i do know what i'm doing out here. I just don't know if i have the guts to do it.

It's almost daybreak and i'm out in the middle of some field that i barely recognize although i've been here before. Are you happy? The memory of you saying that to me with tears in your eyes. Am i happy? Do you think that seeing you miserable and crying all the time makes me happy? It doesn't, it just doesn't mean anything to me, nothing does. I'm so numb to everything and nothing i do, nothing we talk about ever changes and every day is the same, day after day after day. This isn't fun and we are never happy.

I hear the slow whirling sound of the electricity running across the traxline and i see the first train of the morning speeding up towards me in it's smooth seemingly motionless advancement like a shark speeding through water. As it speeds along passed me i say to myself, promising myself, the next one.