For the people that tried to catch my light and put in a jar, not caring if it killed me...

You never really knew what was in my heart.
I never knew myself, where to start.
You push and pull and tell me what to do...

I cant stand the hell you put me through,
Just so I would be here with you.

Do you think you that you know how I feel?
Did you think my heart was something you could steal?
What goes on inside my head, you never listened, you never knew...

And I cant stand the hell you put me through,
Just so I would be here with you.

Why does everyone look the same to me?
Locked in a cage, they dont want you flying free.

I will never be held down again.
You want control, not to be my friend.
You leech my roots because you never grew...

And I cant stand the hell you put me through,
Just so I would be here with you.

Im so jaded by expectations, so bored with enmeshment and needs.
Leave me alone in my garden of love where I plant my seeds.
You shrowded me to see your point of view...

And I cant stand the hell you put me through,
Just so I would be here with you.

You took the sunshine from my garden.

You hurt my flower without pardon.

You destroyed my soil, youre a broken tool.

You played me, but your the fool.

Now youre butthurt because you cant RULE

Im walking away, out of the blue...

Because I cant stand the hell you put me through,
Just so I would be here with you.

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SledgeHammer · 46-50, M

I'm sorry that's the way you feel
You here with me, was a big deal.

Was it hell I put you through?
Because with me,I wanted you?

Paintedfox · 41-45, F

@SledgeHammer Who are you? I dont recognize your screen name...

I have been through hard times the past 5 years. I needed space, patience and understanding. I needed friendship and to believe in myself. To heal. I was no saint. I did many things the wrong way because I didnt know I was worth it. To me. All this time I should of been working on myself and I clung to people that made me feel the same way that hurt me. That was all I knew. And some people rose to the occasion. Now Im locked in sadness but I am strong enough to handle it. This poem is me understanding myself. My toxic behaviors. I dont know what you did. If anything... All I ever wanted was kindness. I have to find my way to it. Thats why Im selling my house and leaving in the van. To end the sadness and shine. Im doing my best.

SledgeHammer · 46-50, M

@Paintedfox finding kindness starts from within... you dont need to look for it... you have to learn to feel it from inside of yourself first. Selling your house and getting into a van with no direction leads you nowhere and builds frustration.
Not knowing where you're going is the best way to know you're lost.
Being kind to yourself is what you've lost touch of. That's why you feel you have to leave,to find kindness.
You dont have to go anywhere but you do have to find what you are looking for... in yourself

Paintedfox · 41-45, F

@SledgeHammer I do have to go. And I will find myself. All the love and silliness I need is in me. And my beautiful son.

Thing is, I dont care if I seem lost in this world. Were all lost. But my parents are dead, my uncle is dead, my best friends are dead/gone. This house, this space doesnt feel like home. My home is me and wherever my son is.

I do need to leave. And I am.

Its the people that doubt me and tell me what to do that I need the most space from.

There's nothing I cant do. Nothing will hold me down again. Peace.

SledgeHammer · 46-50, M

@Paintedfox good luck to you.
Having to go is not the same as wanting to go... I can understand that.

Paintedfox · 41-45, F

@SledgeHammer Its both. When I think of staying, I want to hurt myself. It feels like the cowards move to stay. Kinda like my mom did, she just settled and died. She left my son and I because she was afraid to go. I see the cycle and Im breaking it.