Human Earth: Mission to Save the Funk
Lustrous ladies and jiving gentlemen, please put it all together for the man with all the funky play. The funky walker, the dirty talker - Desperation!
Well, that was the funky walk and this is the dirty talk.
Baby, I want to crawl under your sink and bang my wrench on your left.
Hey, do y'all want to hear one more?
I don't know.
Listen, baby, I want to take you on one of them Donkey rides into your grand can!
Alright, I'm going to get serious for a minute.
As most of you know, this is National Funk Awareness Week.
And I don't know if y'all have noticed, but the Funk is damn near extinct. The Earth is pulling up to the station, but the Funk are pumping up dry.
And why?
Well, that is a question best answered by the National Spokesperson for Funk Awareness.
Human Earth!
Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at the real reason behind Global Warming!
Human, welcome to the show, yeah.
Thank you, baby.
Why don't you tell these fine Funky people how they can help with the re-functifunkation of man?
All right, baby.
In 1974, there were an estimated 17 million people walk in the funky walk and talk in the dirty talk.
Today, there are less than 300, and they're all touring with Earth Wind and Fire.
Human, if you take America and remove the funk, you know what you got?
What?
France.
And I don't know about you, but to meet them, people are way too excited aabout cheese.
I hear that Desperation, but is our audience hearing us?
Baby! No, they ain't heard you, baby. Preach the word of Funk.
Do you people really want your children growing up in a world without Bootsie Collins?
No!
A world without no Stanford and Son or Shaft?
No!
A world where Garth Brooks delts more records than James Brown?
No!
Well, I'm telling you, this country's got to get itself a brand new bag before the Funk is dead as Disco.
But Human, what can we do?
First, we need to start each day with some good old-fashioned dirty talk.
Desperation, shall we show them how it's done?
Oh, lets.
Baby, I want to slide into your shopping mall and spend some time in the store.
Baby, I want you to take out your stick and rub it against me until you start a fire.
Baby, I wish I were your Oscar Mayer weiner
I want you to make like an M&M and melt my mouth, not in my hand.
If they don't get it after that, they'll never go.
It's time to go.
I would just like to thank my beautiful guest, Human Earth.
Would you do me the honor of funky walking me out?
Try and stop me.
Well, that was the funky walk and this is the dirty talk.
Baby, I want to crawl under your sink and bang my wrench on your left.
Hey, do y'all want to hear one more?
I don't know.
Listen, baby, I want to take you on one of them Donkey rides into your grand can!
Alright, I'm going to get serious for a minute.
As most of you know, this is National Funk Awareness Week.
And I don't know if y'all have noticed, but the Funk is damn near extinct. The Earth is pulling up to the station, but the Funk are pumping up dry.
And why?
Well, that is a question best answered by the National Spokesperson for Funk Awareness.
Human Earth!
Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at the real reason behind Global Warming!
Human, welcome to the show, yeah.
Thank you, baby.
Why don't you tell these fine Funky people how they can help with the re-functifunkation of man?
All right, baby.
In 1974, there were an estimated 17 million people walk in the funky walk and talk in the dirty talk.
Today, there are less than 300, and they're all touring with Earth Wind and Fire.
Human, if you take America and remove the funk, you know what you got?
What?
France.
And I don't know about you, but to meet them, people are way too excited aabout cheese.
I hear that Desperation, but is our audience hearing us?
Baby! No, they ain't heard you, baby. Preach the word of Funk.
Do you people really want your children growing up in a world without Bootsie Collins?
No!
A world without no Stanford and Son or Shaft?
No!
A world where Garth Brooks delts more records than James Brown?
No!
Well, I'm telling you, this country's got to get itself a brand new bag before the Funk is dead as Disco.
But Human, what can we do?
First, we need to start each day with some good old-fashioned dirty talk.
Desperation, shall we show them how it's done?
Oh, lets.
Baby, I want to slide into your shopping mall and spend some time in the store.
Baby, I want you to take out your stick and rub it against me until you start a fire.
Baby, I wish I were your Oscar Mayer weiner
I want you to make like an M&M and melt my mouth, not in my hand.
If they don't get it after that, they'll never go.
It's time to go.
I would just like to thank my beautiful guest, Human Earth.
Would you do me the honor of funky walking me out?
Try and stop me.
