How do you stop feeling desperate for love when you’re single?
How do I stop being super desperate for love? I'm 19m and I've realised that I'm being super desperate for some sort of affection and it's making me do dumb things. I am giving chances to dudes who dgaf etc. How do I stop?! Not platonic love, romantic love. I know it sounds silly, but I want to be someone's favourite person so badly. Growing up, neither of my parents were there for me, and even if they were, they were also quite cruel to me as well. I've never had any sort of romantic interest returned and I naturally play second fiddle to even my closest friends's partners or other friends. In short, I have never been anyone's favourite, so the only way i see that happening now is to fall in love. But the longer that doesnt happen, the more I just start obsessing over it to the point it feels unhealthy. And whats worse is, I hate the most common piece of advice I get. "Be your own favourite person", or "learn to enjoy your own company". I wont say I have perfect self esteem. I have insecurities and I'm not immune to days where they get quite bad. But overall, I'm comfortable with myself. I dont dislike my own company and I dont dislike being alone. It just feels unnatural and almost unfair to be told that i have to be totally content being alone most of the time when most people dont end up living that way. Who likes being bored and lonely for hours at a time? How much fun can you people have on ur own lol?? Besides, it just doesnt seem comparable, self love and love from others. I mean, it almost seems too obvious to explain. No matter how much I love myself, if nobody else would ever agree that i deserve to be someone's favourite... then we still have the same problem. It sounds dumb but i just want to be adored. It cant be unfathomable to want that, right? Im sorry i didnt explain well. Idk if this is at all important but yes I am quite young (still a teenager, technically). Is it true that the more you look for a relationship the harder it is to find?
People tell me this a lot when I say I’m desperate for a girlfriend. Is that true or is it just false hope? Is it true you find one when you aren’t looking or least expect it? I’m a guy here, I know I know - girls can smell desperation a mile away right? I have been trying so so so hard to break this way of thinking and just can’t. I’ve never had a long term relationship. I’m no where near a virgin either. But I just can’t seem to find a girl I want and am so sad about it. I’ve rationalized it in so many ways and told myself all the cliche “you’ll find the one someday” “god has a plan for you” I want a girl, a cute girl, a fun, outgoing girl. Nice voice, laughs at everything. Positive, optimistic, energetic, enthusiastic, affectionate, doesn’t give up on me; someone to travel with, adventurous, willing to try new things, I can have sex with and not be bored of them I just hate being so lonely. I know you have to love yourself before loving someone else right? And relationships won’t make you happy? Well I still feel the same way I can’t help but feel lonely and life is passing me by and I don’t know what to do. Every. Single. Time. I get hurt I tell myself I’m not gonna try anymore, possibly become a recluse. The right one comes along when you least expect it right? It never does 26 year old guy here, never been in any kind of relationship, virgin. I've posted here awhile ago, asking for advice, and got some good tips. However, I am still running into the same problem.
I am trying really hard not to seem desperate when interacting with women, however, in truth, I really am. I started trying to date over two years ago with no success. Through friends, hanging out at local social spots. Online dating didn't work at all. Before that, I spent all of college just working hard, having friends, enjoying my hobbies. But even then, no relationships happened. I seemingly fall in love with any girl who shows me attention, and it has ruined friendships in the past.
Now, I am just really lonely, and I really want to try to find someone before too long. I already know the best way to become attractive to women, and eventually enter a relationship, is just to enjoy life, be confident, meet people incidentally. However, I had 4 years of that in college, and high school if you count it, with nothing. And now, I've spent almost two years putting an effort into dating... also nothing. I know I'm young still... but 26 with no relationship experience is abnormal.
I don't know if I can manage more years of just "acting cool" and "not worrying about finding someone" in such a way that something happens on its own. It could be years. According to my track record, it could be never. I am trying not to be miserable, get depressed when someone blows me off, or when they choose someone else over me for the N-th time. Its just such an overwhelming feeling now every single time.
I just want to act casual, like I should be, in my conversations and interactions with women. But I still think, in the back of my mind, that I'll end up alone. And so far, I've just been proven right my entire life... I'm 18 (M), a kissless virgin and ever since around 15 I've wanted to get a girlfriend. When I was at that age, however, it really didn't bother me much. This changed when I turned 17 when all of a sudden it became the only thing I could think about.
When I was 17, I had this belief that I was ugly, disgusting, unattractive etc... this feeling still hasn't fully gone away, but I feel like it's not as true anymore. That being said, I still get a bit sad when I hear my peers (sometimes younger) talk to me about their experiences which I am yet to experience and it makes me desperate to get a girlfriend. Like, I was texting with this girl (the first girl I've ever flirted via text btw) and I think the reason she rejected me because I texted her in a very desperate way. I just want to know, how do I stop being so desperate for female validation, dating and relationships? I am extremely desperate for love and affection, but when someone is nice and afdectionate to me I get scared. What do I do?
So, I am a 17 year old female. I plan on moving out in 1 to 1.5 years.
My parents are quite abusive (emotionally) and narcisistic. I never got hugs from them, compliments, affection, love etc.
It makes me feel kinda empty and feel desperate for attention and affection.
When someone is nice to me I sometimes get annoyed (people showing sympathy and empathy). It is so weird and when I was younger my mom used to shame my litle sister for wanting attention so it feels really weird to me.
At the same time I am always scared that people hate me. In short: I really want to feel loved and get attention, but when someone acts afrectionate to me I get scared because my parents taught me that it was a bad thing. I don’t know what to do, especially since I am almost 18 and I am not a child anymore. I (M21) am getting desperate for love, care and attention. I don't know why but I am always trying to get attention of every female friend of me. Recently I have noticed that I have a big crush on my best friend (F20) and I care for her a lot and crave for her attention and care a lot but she only treat me as a friend which makes me more desperate for love. I am craving to have a relationship in which my partner genuinely cares for me. I don't know what to do just getting more and more desperate for love day by day
So I’ve (F/21) been single my whole life and I’m seriously getting annoyed by it. All I want is someone I can cuddle with and talk about my day with. I’ve been trying online dating but everyone I’ve met on there want hookups and not a real relationship. I wouldn’t mind that for the time being but ultimately I want a boyfriend. Of course the one guy I was hooking up with ghosted me but I got him to talk to me by pretending to be buying a car (he works at a car dealership). I was gonna tell him it’s a April fools prank but now I feel kinda bad lol. But seriously I’m so desperate for love I would take anybody. Even if that meant they didn’t treat me right. I know that’s bad but that’s the point I’ve gotten to. We are in many ways conditioned to see romantic relationships as the ultimate fulfilment of our lives. It goes well in line with our reproduction instincts but also provides validation that becomes harder to achieve as our societies grow. Think some 500 years back when the majority of humans lived in small communities and everyone would be known to everyone and, likely, carry an essential function to this little society. In a way, you’d be a celebrity just by being of a certain age and holding a certain occupation, like baking bread or pulling teeth. As time goes, it becomes more difficult for us to establish our value and individuality - think social media where the 0.5% become influencers while the rest don’t really stand out. So the idea that we can still be of utmost importance, even to a single person, as long as they recognise us for what we are and see us as unique, is very, very tempting.
I've always wondered if peeple would be as obsessed w romantic relationships if we had a solid community. Even just a group of friends. Nowadays friendships get devalued. I'm reading this book on celibacy and the author interviews many nuns who live in convent. Most of the nuns said they'd rather give up on loving one person and would rather love all, but it was a consicous decision to make. In convent they all have a purpose and a common goal which creates some sense of unity. In society people are separated by units (family, couples). It's interesting how the nuns say that romantic relationships hinder their goal to love all bc it focuses your attention on only one person and it becomes isolating and consuming. It triggers feelings like jealousy, possessiveness, etc..
Everyone wants to love and be loved. It is human nature to seek companionship. There is nothing wrong with being 'desperate'. Those who have the most love to give and want to give it the most are seen as the most desperate and those who are seen as the most desperate are seen as the least attractive. This is ass-backward logic. If you want someone who is going to treat you right, find someone who is desperate to be with you. Having someone be uninterested in you means they're not going to care about your feelings. People need to stop going after people who aren't interested in them. That's all I wanted to say, thank you for your time.
I don't blame anyone and I don't hold a grudge against society and beauty standards anymore like I used to, but I still hate the feeling. I love myself and I don't think I'm ugly or that much compelling, it's just how It's always been. I just wish there was a way to make myself just not care about having a relationship or feeling loved by an opossite sex individual. I'm tired of wanting to be in a relationship. I'm tired of placing so much value on someone else's affections towards me
I want someone to love me so badly. I'm so desperate. I feel like I'm never going to find someone that I like, that likes me back. It's been so long, even after working through a relationship this feeling has lingered in the back of my mind.
I'm constantly barraged by an overwhelming need for someone to love me. I crave kisses, hugs, cuddling, intimacy. I want to share myself emotionally with someone else, someone that I can truly trust and be myself with.
I'm tired of this feeling. I want to be satisfied with myself. I want to be happy on my own and be secure and confident and not have to fucking worry about other people and this longing for love. I want to be able to focus on other important features in my life. I want to work on my studies, to get my doctorate in the future, to be successful and help people and be content with MYSELF.
People always let me down and I'm tired of relying, wanting, waiting for this person to come into my life. I know people can't be perfect so why do I place this on such a high pedestal? Why can't this be less important to me? The only person I need is myself and I know this, so why am I so desperate for a romantic connection?
If not I apologize. As the title says I'm so desperate to be in love. I just want to know how it feels to be truly loved and desired by a man. I'm 32 and never had a serious relationship. Now the thing is I have other stuff that I need to be focusing on ( I'm supposed to be working on my master thesis) but I find myself obsessing over these thoughts. It seems that craving for love and deep connection is all I think about recently and it's turning me into someone I hate. I noticed that I feel really envious everytime I see s couple. I know that I can't go on like that because realistically there's a possibility that I wouldn't find love until ten years later or even never. The night time is the toughest part of the day for me. At night I would often find myself wondering what if I died right now, would anyone miss me or would anyone notice my absence? It's pathetic of course but this is how I feel. The reason I'm posting this here is because I have no one to talk to irl. I guess feeling lonely is one of these things that everyone struggles with but they're all too ashamed to talk about.
People tell me this a lot when I say I’m desperate for a girlfriend. Is that true or is it just false hope? Is it true you find one when you aren’t looking or least expect it? I’m a guy here, I know I know - girls can smell desperation a mile away right? I have been trying so so so hard to break this way of thinking and just can’t. I’ve never had a long term relationship. I’m no where near a virgin either. But I just can’t seem to find a girl I want and am so sad about it. I’ve rationalized it in so many ways and told myself all the cliche “you’ll find the one someday” “god has a plan for you” I want a girl, a cute girl, a fun, outgoing girl. Nice voice, laughs at everything. Positive, optimistic, energetic, enthusiastic, affectionate, doesn’t give up on me; someone to travel with, adventurous, willing to try new things, I can have sex with and not be bored of them I just hate being so lonely. I know you have to love yourself before loving someone else right? And relationships won’t make you happy? Well I still feel the same way I can’t help but feel lonely and life is passing me by and I don’t know what to do. Every. Single. Time. I get hurt I tell myself I’m not gonna try anymore, possibly become a recluse. The right one comes along when you least expect it right? It never does 26 year old guy here, never been in any kind of relationship, virgin. I've posted here awhile ago, asking for advice, and got some good tips. However, I am still running into the same problem.
I am trying really hard not to seem desperate when interacting with women, however, in truth, I really am. I started trying to date over two years ago with no success. Through friends, hanging out at local social spots. Online dating didn't work at all. Before that, I spent all of college just working hard, having friends, enjoying my hobbies. But even then, no relationships happened. I seemingly fall in love with any girl who shows me attention, and it has ruined friendships in the past.
Now, I am just really lonely, and I really want to try to find someone before too long. I already know the best way to become attractive to women, and eventually enter a relationship, is just to enjoy life, be confident, meet people incidentally. However, I had 4 years of that in college, and high school if you count it, with nothing. And now, I've spent almost two years putting an effort into dating... also nothing. I know I'm young still... but 26 with no relationship experience is abnormal.
I don't know if I can manage more years of just "acting cool" and "not worrying about finding someone" in such a way that something happens on its own. It could be years. According to my track record, it could be never. I am trying not to be miserable, get depressed when someone blows me off, or when they choose someone else over me for the N-th time. Its just such an overwhelming feeling now every single time.
I just want to act casual, like I should be, in my conversations and interactions with women. But I still think, in the back of my mind, that I'll end up alone. And so far, I've just been proven right my entire life... I'm 18 (M), a kissless virgin and ever since around 15 I've wanted to get a girlfriend. When I was at that age, however, it really didn't bother me much. This changed when I turned 17 when all of a sudden it became the only thing I could think about.
When I was 17, I had this belief that I was ugly, disgusting, unattractive etc... this feeling still hasn't fully gone away, but I feel like it's not as true anymore. That being said, I still get a bit sad when I hear my peers (sometimes younger) talk to me about their experiences which I am yet to experience and it makes me desperate to get a girlfriend. Like, I was texting with this girl (the first girl I've ever flirted via text btw) and I think the reason she rejected me because I texted her in a very desperate way. I just want to know, how do I stop being so desperate for female validation, dating and relationships? I am extremely desperate for love and affection, but when someone is nice and afdectionate to me I get scared. What do I do?
So, I am a 17 year old female. I plan on moving out in 1 to 1.5 years.
My parents are quite abusive (emotionally) and narcisistic. I never got hugs from them, compliments, affection, love etc.
It makes me feel kinda empty and feel desperate for attention and affection.
When someone is nice to me I sometimes get annoyed (people showing sympathy and empathy). It is so weird and when I was younger my mom used to shame my litle sister for wanting attention so it feels really weird to me.
At the same time I am always scared that people hate me. In short: I really want to feel loved and get attention, but when someone acts afrectionate to me I get scared because my parents taught me that it was a bad thing. I don’t know what to do, especially since I am almost 18 and I am not a child anymore. I (M21) am getting desperate for love, care and attention. I don't know why but I am always trying to get attention of every female friend of me. Recently I have noticed that I have a big crush on my best friend (F20) and I care for her a lot and crave for her attention and care a lot but she only treat me as a friend which makes me more desperate for love. I am craving to have a relationship in which my partner genuinely cares for me. I don't know what to do just getting more and more desperate for love day by day
So I’ve (F/21) been single my whole life and I’m seriously getting annoyed by it. All I want is someone I can cuddle with and talk about my day with. I’ve been trying online dating but everyone I’ve met on there want hookups and not a real relationship. I wouldn’t mind that for the time being but ultimately I want a boyfriend. Of course the one guy I was hooking up with ghosted me but I got him to talk to me by pretending to be buying a car (he works at a car dealership). I was gonna tell him it’s a April fools prank but now I feel kinda bad lol. But seriously I’m so desperate for love I would take anybody. Even if that meant they didn’t treat me right. I know that’s bad but that’s the point I’ve gotten to. We are in many ways conditioned to see romantic relationships as the ultimate fulfilment of our lives. It goes well in line with our reproduction instincts but also provides validation that becomes harder to achieve as our societies grow. Think some 500 years back when the majority of humans lived in small communities and everyone would be known to everyone and, likely, carry an essential function to this little society. In a way, you’d be a celebrity just by being of a certain age and holding a certain occupation, like baking bread or pulling teeth. As time goes, it becomes more difficult for us to establish our value and individuality - think social media where the 0.5% become influencers while the rest don’t really stand out. So the idea that we can still be of utmost importance, even to a single person, as long as they recognise us for what we are and see us as unique, is very, very tempting.
I've always wondered if peeple would be as obsessed w romantic relationships if we had a solid community. Even just a group of friends. Nowadays friendships get devalued. I'm reading this book on celibacy and the author interviews many nuns who live in convent. Most of the nuns said they'd rather give up on loving one person and would rather love all, but it was a consicous decision to make. In convent they all have a purpose and a common goal which creates some sense of unity. In society people are separated by units (family, couples). It's interesting how the nuns say that romantic relationships hinder their goal to love all bc it focuses your attention on only one person and it becomes isolating and consuming. It triggers feelings like jealousy, possessiveness, etc..
Everyone wants to love and be loved. It is human nature to seek companionship. There is nothing wrong with being 'desperate'. Those who have the most love to give and want to give it the most are seen as the most desperate and those who are seen as the most desperate are seen as the least attractive. This is ass-backward logic. If you want someone who is going to treat you right, find someone who is desperate to be with you. Having someone be uninterested in you means they're not going to care about your feelings. People need to stop going after people who aren't interested in them. That's all I wanted to say, thank you for your time.
I don't blame anyone and I don't hold a grudge against society and beauty standards anymore like I used to, but I still hate the feeling. I love myself and I don't think I'm ugly or that much compelling, it's just how It's always been. I just wish there was a way to make myself just not care about having a relationship or feeling loved by an opossite sex individual. I'm tired of wanting to be in a relationship. I'm tired of placing so much value on someone else's affections towards me
I want someone to love me so badly. I'm so desperate. I feel like I'm never going to find someone that I like, that likes me back. It's been so long, even after working through a relationship this feeling has lingered in the back of my mind.
I'm constantly barraged by an overwhelming need for someone to love me. I crave kisses, hugs, cuddling, intimacy. I want to share myself emotionally with someone else, someone that I can truly trust and be myself with.
I'm tired of this feeling. I want to be satisfied with myself. I want to be happy on my own and be secure and confident and not have to fucking worry about other people and this longing for love. I want to be able to focus on other important features in my life. I want to work on my studies, to get my doctorate in the future, to be successful and help people and be content with MYSELF.
People always let me down and I'm tired of relying, wanting, waiting for this person to come into my life. I know people can't be perfect so why do I place this on such a high pedestal? Why can't this be less important to me? The only person I need is myself and I know this, so why am I so desperate for a romantic connection?
If not I apologize. As the title says I'm so desperate to be in love. I just want to know how it feels to be truly loved and desired by a man. I'm 32 and never had a serious relationship. Now the thing is I have other stuff that I need to be focusing on ( I'm supposed to be working on my master thesis) but I find myself obsessing over these thoughts. It seems that craving for love and deep connection is all I think about recently and it's turning me into someone I hate. I noticed that I feel really envious everytime I see s couple. I know that I can't go on like that because realistically there's a possibility that I wouldn't find love until ten years later or even never. The night time is the toughest part of the day for me. At night I would often find myself wondering what if I died right now, would anyone miss me or would anyone notice my absence? It's pathetic of course but this is how I feel. The reason I'm posting this here is because I have no one to talk to irl. I guess feeling lonely is one of these things that everyone struggles with but they're all too ashamed to talk about.
