Does traveling to "find yourself" ever work?
I've spent the last few years generally feeling like a failure in life, with no achievements, no motivation, and no idea what I want to do next. I'm out of shape, socially awkward, and have a hard time seeing myself as having any sort of redeeming value in this world.
I've earned my degrees, paid my dues at the megacorp, and now the thought of the car-house-wife-kids laundry list just horrifies me. But do I have some higher calling to answer that can justify setting these other priorities aside? No.
I just don't know what I want out of life and I'm losing hope.
I feel trapped and it's probably not the confines of my bedroom or office cubicle that is restraining me, it's my own brain. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I've felt suicidal on occasion and there's only two things stopping me: 1) people will denounce me for doing something extremely selfish and hurtful, and 2) there's still some more things I want to see in the world. Everything I read about long-term travel sounds awesome, but it also sounds like an escape from the humdrum of daily life. I'd love to do that too, but I fear that I'll only discover that I'm unable to escape from my self. I feel like travel has to be about looking forward and chasing something bigger and better than trying to erase the past, but I don't have any goals I'm after. Sigh. I've taken shorter vacations like a multi-day hiking trip or a week-long cruise and it hasn't helped -- even while I'm there I can't help feeling anxiety about the future. How old are you? Mid thirties here, but when I was in my early 20s I was depressed and hopeless about the future and hated my boring and mindlessly competitive day to day modern western civilization life. Best thing for me was traveling solo around Asia. Every day was unpredictable and filled with new adventures. Did I find myself? Not really, no, eventually I did come back to the US and more school and work. But I had a great time doing it and seeing the world and getting some perspective on life. Humans aren't evolved to work in cubicles for corporations and worry about money and careers. We're designed to be adventuring nomads and to live highly physical lives exploring the planet and its contents and meet new people and fight them, cooperate with them, or share DNA with them. Give travel a shot. Just remember you'll be by yourself much of the time. Solitude has different effects on people and could potentially make you depressed. I would also suggest in your case getting into shape and exploring more fun physical pursuits such as skiing. Try surfing or diving or rock climbing or tumbling or biking. It's never too late to learn new things -- I just taught my 70 year old dad to skateboard. I haven't been outside of North America, but I've traveled pretty extensively throughout the U.S. I took a road trip through Montana and Idaho, which was very scenic, but my absolute favorite spot is Coastal Highway One near Big Sur, California. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking as the road winds along mountains plunging straight into the ocean.
It's funny this thread came up, because I'm supposed to be booking tickets to Switzerland right now and I keep procrastinating. I was supposed to do this like a week ago. I keep coming up with excuses like I don't really want to go, travelling is lame and for posers, I'm going to spend a load of money and not have any fun, I'm going to starve and freeze to death simultaneously under a bridge with only a terrible airport novel for company, I'd have more fun at home with my friends...I think I do want to go, but I'm scared out of my fucking mind. The only time I ever went overseas was to to south island of New Zealand once to go skiing once, and that was completely organised by a friend's family. It's a cherished memory though, awesome place. I also went to Tasmania recently to go hiking and have done a bunch of road trips in Australia. I've been telling people that I'm going to Europe to try and increase the pressure on myself and I guess this post is the same thing. How the hell do all of you seem to travel so casually? It's so far out of my comfort zone I don't even know where to begin.
I was in Geneva earlier this year and it was wonderful. It is one of the places I would most like to visit again (once I brush up on my French) . So much to see and do and people were so friendly. I dropped my mobile on the tram, but did not realize it until an hour later. When I called it, a very kind woman answered and brought the phone all the way back to me. (She was concerned I would get lost if I tried to go get it from her.)
Vienna, Austria. The palaces and architectural are amazing and it feels like its a city where the kings and queens live. I spent 5 days there and I really wished I could stay longer. It has the old city feel with old churches and palaces but also blends well with the new shops and city streets. I would love to be back again and again.
Ignoring the places where I've actually lived , right now I think my favourite place in the world is Brighton UK. It's just so beautiful and somehow every time I go it fits my mood perfectly. I know there are plans to remove the West Pier but I love sitting on the beach with a beer and pondering the world while staring at that twisted, corroded hunk of metal. There's something so awe inspiring about it.
I've traveled to Ecuador, England, France, Switzerland, Italy, Greece, and numerous locations in the United States. Favorite by far was Switzerland. Absolutely breathtaking countryside and extremely friendly people. A friend and I walked with a random old couple on their way back from the grocery store who spoke perfect English, and they were so nice.
Over the last two-three weeks, I've come to realize a lot of very fundemental things about myself which really surprised me. It helped me put many experiences from the last few years in perspective. As they say, life begins outside the comfort zone...
I've learned that I'm a fairly stressed out, pessimistic person and have a need to control my circumstances as much as I can. The intensity of the trip I layed out for myself has really surprised me as well - I always thought I'm fairly laid back and relaxed but that does not appear to be the case :)
Having faced a few hurdles recently, I've been getting much better in going with the flow and cherishing what I experience rather than lament what I miss. This experience has really helped me expose my weaknesses and double down on my strengths. Since this trip helped me view myself in a new light, I am curious to hear - what new truths about yourselves have you discovered in your travels?
I'm looking for inspiring stories, about people who started to explore the world only later in life.
Feeling like I've wasted my 20's (today 32F) on trying to be stable, waiting for my ex-boyfriends to join me on trips, just waiting for something, and telling myself I can do it later in life.
I can't say I've achieved much... I have a stable job, family, friends, my life is pretty good and average, but the lack of traveling really started to affect me later.
Thinking about all the places I wanted to visit, and I didn't (why???) when it was much easier in my 20's and now I have to do it in much more challenging conditions.
Please share with me some interesting and optimistic stories about your later adventures and how did you manage to pull this off with grown-up life in parallel?
So I've been wanting to do a proper solo trip for about two and a half years now and due to covid and other things I just got here; Lisbon. It's a 2.5 week Portugal + Spain trip, and here I am on day 2 feeling absolutely isolated and lonely not wanting to leave the hostel.
I know i arrived only yesterday, but i haven't made any friend yet. My mind is racing at a million miles a second because I'm in a very big transitioning period that includes moving cities and a 3 month old breakup. I don't know what to do to get myself off bed and get HYPED for this trip I've been wanting to do for so so long.
I look at other couples and it hurts, i look at friends hanging around and it hurts. I go to places on the list i wish to see and I feel nothing. I essentially have no motivation to do anything and i don't know how to shift around my mindset to change that. This was supposed to be a trip i get to recharge with after a tough year, but nothing feels like a distraction.
And no, I'm not as depressed as i was. If anything I'm doing much much better than a few months ago.
Does anybody have any perspectives regarding that? What am i lacking, genuine human connections, a good distraction, or something else?
I've earned my degrees, paid my dues at the megacorp, and now the thought of the car-house-wife-kids laundry list just horrifies me. But do I have some higher calling to answer that can justify setting these other priorities aside? No.
I just don't know what I want out of life and I'm losing hope.
I feel trapped and it's probably not the confines of my bedroom or office cubicle that is restraining me, it's my own brain. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I've felt suicidal on occasion and there's only two things stopping me: 1) people will denounce me for doing something extremely selfish and hurtful, and 2) there's still some more things I want to see in the world. Everything I read about long-term travel sounds awesome, but it also sounds like an escape from the humdrum of daily life. I'd love to do that too, but I fear that I'll only discover that I'm unable to escape from my self. I feel like travel has to be about looking forward and chasing something bigger and better than trying to erase the past, but I don't have any goals I'm after. Sigh. I've taken shorter vacations like a multi-day hiking trip or a week-long cruise and it hasn't helped -- even while I'm there I can't help feeling anxiety about the future. How old are you? Mid thirties here, but when I was in my early 20s I was depressed and hopeless about the future and hated my boring and mindlessly competitive day to day modern western civilization life. Best thing for me was traveling solo around Asia. Every day was unpredictable and filled with new adventures. Did I find myself? Not really, no, eventually I did come back to the US and more school and work. But I had a great time doing it and seeing the world and getting some perspective on life. Humans aren't evolved to work in cubicles for corporations and worry about money and careers. We're designed to be adventuring nomads and to live highly physical lives exploring the planet and its contents and meet new people and fight them, cooperate with them, or share DNA with them. Give travel a shot. Just remember you'll be by yourself much of the time. Solitude has different effects on people and could potentially make you depressed. I would also suggest in your case getting into shape and exploring more fun physical pursuits such as skiing. Try surfing or diving or rock climbing or tumbling or biking. It's never too late to learn new things -- I just taught my 70 year old dad to skateboard. I haven't been outside of North America, but I've traveled pretty extensively throughout the U.S. I took a road trip through Montana and Idaho, which was very scenic, but my absolute favorite spot is Coastal Highway One near Big Sur, California. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking as the road winds along mountains plunging straight into the ocean.
It's funny this thread came up, because I'm supposed to be booking tickets to Switzerland right now and I keep procrastinating. I was supposed to do this like a week ago. I keep coming up with excuses like I don't really want to go, travelling is lame and for posers, I'm going to spend a load of money and not have any fun, I'm going to starve and freeze to death simultaneously under a bridge with only a terrible airport novel for company, I'd have more fun at home with my friends...I think I do want to go, but I'm scared out of my fucking mind. The only time I ever went overseas was to to south island of New Zealand once to go skiing once, and that was completely organised by a friend's family. It's a cherished memory though, awesome place. I also went to Tasmania recently to go hiking and have done a bunch of road trips in Australia. I've been telling people that I'm going to Europe to try and increase the pressure on myself and I guess this post is the same thing. How the hell do all of you seem to travel so casually? It's so far out of my comfort zone I don't even know where to begin.
I was in Geneva earlier this year and it was wonderful. It is one of the places I would most like to visit again (once I brush up on my French) . So much to see and do and people were so friendly. I dropped my mobile on the tram, but did not realize it until an hour later. When I called it, a very kind woman answered and brought the phone all the way back to me. (She was concerned I would get lost if I tried to go get it from her.)
Vienna, Austria. The palaces and architectural are amazing and it feels like its a city where the kings and queens live. I spent 5 days there and I really wished I could stay longer. It has the old city feel with old churches and palaces but also blends well with the new shops and city streets. I would love to be back again and again.
Ignoring the places where I've actually lived , right now I think my favourite place in the world is Brighton UK. It's just so beautiful and somehow every time I go it fits my mood perfectly. I know there are plans to remove the West Pier but I love sitting on the beach with a beer and pondering the world while staring at that twisted, corroded hunk of metal. There's something so awe inspiring about it.
I've traveled to Ecuador, England, France, Switzerland, Italy, Greece, and numerous locations in the United States. Favorite by far was Switzerland. Absolutely breathtaking countryside and extremely friendly people. A friend and I walked with a random old couple on their way back from the grocery store who spoke perfect English, and they were so nice.
Over the last two-three weeks, I've come to realize a lot of very fundemental things about myself which really surprised me. It helped me put many experiences from the last few years in perspective. As they say, life begins outside the comfort zone...
I've learned that I'm a fairly stressed out, pessimistic person and have a need to control my circumstances as much as I can. The intensity of the trip I layed out for myself has really surprised me as well - I always thought I'm fairly laid back and relaxed but that does not appear to be the case :)
Having faced a few hurdles recently, I've been getting much better in going with the flow and cherishing what I experience rather than lament what I miss. This experience has really helped me expose my weaknesses and double down on my strengths. Since this trip helped me view myself in a new light, I am curious to hear - what new truths about yourselves have you discovered in your travels?
I'm looking for inspiring stories, about people who started to explore the world only later in life.
Feeling like I've wasted my 20's (today 32F) on trying to be stable, waiting for my ex-boyfriends to join me on trips, just waiting for something, and telling myself I can do it later in life.
I can't say I've achieved much... I have a stable job, family, friends, my life is pretty good and average, but the lack of traveling really started to affect me later.
Thinking about all the places I wanted to visit, and I didn't (why???) when it was much easier in my 20's and now I have to do it in much more challenging conditions.
Please share with me some interesting and optimistic stories about your later adventures and how did you manage to pull this off with grown-up life in parallel?
So I've been wanting to do a proper solo trip for about two and a half years now and due to covid and other things I just got here; Lisbon. It's a 2.5 week Portugal + Spain trip, and here I am on day 2 feeling absolutely isolated and lonely not wanting to leave the hostel.
I know i arrived only yesterday, but i haven't made any friend yet. My mind is racing at a million miles a second because I'm in a very big transitioning period that includes moving cities and a 3 month old breakup. I don't know what to do to get myself off bed and get HYPED for this trip I've been wanting to do for so so long.
I look at other couples and it hurts, i look at friends hanging around and it hurts. I go to places on the list i wish to see and I feel nothing. I essentially have no motivation to do anything and i don't know how to shift around my mindset to change that. This was supposed to be a trip i get to recharge with after a tough year, but nothing feels like a distraction.
And no, I'm not as depressed as i was. If anything I'm doing much much better than a few months ago.
Does anybody have any perspectives regarding that? What am i lacking, genuine human connections, a good distraction, or something else?
