How do you cope with the boring, mundane family life?
I turned 30 years old this summer and have a daughter and a wife, with a kid on the way. I became a father at the age of 26 and kinda regret that I didn't wait till I was in my 30s atleast. I love my wife and daughter, but this mundane, boring family life is insufferable at times. Before I had my daughter I wasn't living my life to the fullest. Sure, me and my wife could do as we pleased, go to the cinema, eat at a restaurant and go clubbing every weekend if we wanted to. That life also got boring after a while aswell. I dont really have any hobby other than gaming and football (soccer), but even gaming is starting to feel like a chore and I feel immature for playing games in general.
I work in a kindergarten and being surrounded by Kids all day, all week and then coming home to another 3 year old kid who wants to play is hard sometimes. When my daughter is sleeping, usually at 8 p.m, I just dont have any energy to take a hike or hit the gym or whatever. Would love to have the energy to hike in the nearby mountain, but relaxing on the couch is all I can manage. I hate feeling like this. I would love to have a hobby where I would be excited to come home and do whatever the hobby would be. Just wondering what you married guys with kids have as hobbies and how do you cope with this life? How do you cope with the feeling of leaving your old parents ?
So how do you cope with this feeling? You are leaving your family behind and they are ageing. What do you do when they get seriously sick? When they diagnosed with fatal illness?
I want out but this is my biggest inner struggle. It's really tough. She encouraged me to go, and we laughed and cried so much before I left, and she talked about visiting even though we both new it would be impossible. I called her every weekend , sometimes she could talk and sometimes not. She passed away in late October, I tried unsuccessfully to get there before she did. I did get to the funeral and spent time with the family and close friends. I do feel guilty at times, but she knew that it was important for me to get away and start a new journey and never discouraged it. I had been recently unemployed and had a job waiting for me so off I went. (kids are grown up living on their own) I am still grieving and call and keep in touch with family regularly, that really helps. Communicating is so much easier now then in the past. I have the savings to fly back last minute if something horrible happened, but even if I didn't leave the country, it's not like I'd be living near my parents forever. If you want to stay close to family because it makes you happy, then you should do it. But don't limit yourself because of where your family lives. It can easily be construed as selfish, but then again I've had this talk with my parents and also a grandparent who has dementia, whilst my parents took a little time to come around to it, when they realised it was a serious decision of mine and not just an 'idea' they got 100% behind me... my granny said you can't put a dream on hold...good old Granny :)
Some people aren't meant to stay in one place, and in years to come I would hate the idea of my kids not doing their dream because of me. My family also say they are behind me, with trembling voice of hoping me to not go from their inside. I can feel it. Even they say go pursue you career (they are supportive) my mother slips a bothering idea of her " who will care about us when we hospitalized or need a lot of care " Don't sweat it too much, mothers are mothers after all...it took mine a long time to fully understand and be happy with me not being around (not for medical reasons, although she is in her early 60's awaiting 2 replacement knee operations, but because she would miss me). When I sent home a photo album of my adventures away along with a video she was so happy and doesn't want me to return home for good! They will be alright, my advice is go for it...waiting around for what if's and maybe's that might never happen isn't the answer for me. If the worst happens down the line then i'll deal with it at that moment in time. P.S. Teach them how to use certain apps or programs such as skype, snapchat, viber etc...and keep in contact when you can. My dad loved my snapchats from drunken nights in Thailand lol.
I can handle everything the army has to throw at me, but I'm already having a hard time with the prospect of leaving behind my family. I'm not worried about my parents or my brothers, but I am most concerned about my youngest brother. He's the only one who's really bonded with me, and I hate to leave him during an important part of his life, that is moving out of the house for college. He's already told me that he's lonely, and every chance I get I spend time with him. I just hope he's going to be all right while I'm gone.
Secondly, I am most concerned of leaving my boyfriend. He is in the National Guard too, and he may go on a deployment during my deployment, or right after my deployment. This can mean that we will be separated for years if that's the case. We really do love each other, and we both expressed how we want to be with each other, but being apart for so long is hard. He isn't great at making wise decisions, and he doesn't take care of himself the way I take care of us. We don't live together, yet we commute every other day to each other's places so that it's like we do. How do you get over the stress of leaving your loved ones? How do you ensure that they'll be all right while you're gone?
It sucks, I'm not gonna lie to you, but you just gotta keep looking at that graduation date and realize we're the lucky ones in the guard, because 0-3 days after graduation, we're back home with those same people we missed. Write letters when you can but no promises you'll have very much time in BCT.
This answer probably won’t help you, so sorry I’m advance but I went to basic with a bunch of stupid kids who thought they were all going to be special forces command team rear admirals, so I hated almost every second. I liked learning some things, but these kids made everything more stressful and difficult for no real reason other than they were all idiots. It was rough spending 4 months with these absolute morons knowing I would much rather be back home spending time with my baby sister and brothers.
When I got out of infantry school, I was mobbing and deployed a year later. It was rough in my wife, and I missed my sister’s high school graduation. It sucked, for sure, but there will always be other big events for you to be there for. Me and my wife have been together for going on five years now, and my sister came down recently to get her first tattoo, and got to surprise my mom with it when she got home. There’s a good chance you’ll be able to talk almost daily on any deployment that the NG sends you on. I was in East Africa and we had wifi, so I talked every day that wasn’t a blackout. You're very young, and I'm only a few years older than you. If you guys make it? Awesome! You'll know you can get through almost anything life throws at you. If he can't make it work, or let's you down, then you've dodged a bullet. You don't want someone like that in your life; you want someone who will stick by you through thick and thin.
Look, I'm not sprouting words outta my ass either. My husband and I have been through some shitty times. There were countless times I had to go to chemotherapy completely alone while he was either deployed, TDY, or in the field. I was in an exam room alone when I found out I was terminal. I've had to drive myself to the hospital with two casts on my arms, even though I wasn't supposed to drive, because my husband was in the field, deployed, or TDY. I've spent weeks and months alone, dealing not only with my own responsibilities, but also shouldering his while he's gone. From simple things like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and taking care of the dogs, to dealing with a car accident completely on your own, independence, initiative, and proactive behavior is critical.Keep yourself busy, too. When you're back from BCT/AIT/deployment and he's gone, and vice versa, staying busy and occupied, I've found, is essential. Get a good job that keeps you mentally stimulated and that you enjoy/take interest in. Outside of work, if you want, get involved somehow. Volunteering? Sign up to be a mentor (i.e. Big Brothers, Big Sisters) for a kid? Find and engage in a hobby? Take a class at your local community college? Virtual learning? There are a ton of online learning resources, from MOOCs to Coursera to Google Certifications, and more. If you're really finding yourself bored and tons of time on your hands, check out MOBCOP/TOD for short-term ADOS opportunities. There are some really nifty opportunities, and can take you to interesting places! They can include new skills, travel to new places, new friends/colleagues, and it can lead to great professional development opportunities. Just something to think about.
It was very stressful, all I could do was take it day by day. I made a calendar and just checked off each day as they came. I would just go through the day reminding myself “this isn’t forever, it will end” and think about my family. That’s really all I could do.
I’m in my 30’s and am just now starting to realize how many of my insecurities come from the way I was brought up. I’m not talking catastrophic things, just subtle things. Like constantly worried about what other people think so I can keep up a certain “image”, not ever really truly being myself. Or seeing people in your family using alcohol as a coping mechanism so thinking that it’s normal. Anyway, it’s interesting how our views change. I thought I had a picture perfect childhood but the more I distance myself from it the more I realize that a lot of my problems actually stem from the way I was brought up.
I love being away from my wife and my stepkids. I can chill in my cot at night and nobody is trying to get me to watch TikToks or bothering me with their needy bullshit. If I die in a combat zone they'll get like $400,000 and I won't have to live in clown world anymore. So the guard works really well for me. But then again I'm a callous asshole. YMMV
Additionally, in my industry, most opportunities are in the western USA in cities that highly interest me (Phoenix, Denver, California, Seattle). I am starting to get interviews for positions in said areas, and as supportive as my parents are regarding me starting a career in a field that I love, they are frequently nagging directly and indirectly about not staying on the east coast, and this has been going on for months. While I understand their sentiments, it is really starting to get under my skin, and it is impacting the enthusiasm that I have for these opportunities and creating guilt. I do feel bad possibly leaving them considering my sister is also leaving for her first year of college soon, my mom gets anxious when her kids aren't around, and my dad has spent most of my childhood working and probably . However, my personal growth has stagnated living here, and I am certain that moving somewhere new will bring new motivations.
How do I properly deal with this? I have never really been able to or felt comfortable confronting my parents directly about such issues since they seem to have a tendency of ignoring my side of the story. At this point, I want to just ignore their feelings regarding this completely, but it is hard to when it feels like they heavily depend on me and my sister for enjoyment. Thank you!
I work in a kindergarten and being surrounded by Kids all day, all week and then coming home to another 3 year old kid who wants to play is hard sometimes. When my daughter is sleeping, usually at 8 p.m, I just dont have any energy to take a hike or hit the gym or whatever. Would love to have the energy to hike in the nearby mountain, but relaxing on the couch is all I can manage. I hate feeling like this. I would love to have a hobby where I would be excited to come home and do whatever the hobby would be. Just wondering what you married guys with kids have as hobbies and how do you cope with this life? How do you cope with the feeling of leaving your old parents ?
So how do you cope with this feeling? You are leaving your family behind and they are ageing. What do you do when they get seriously sick? When they diagnosed with fatal illness?
I want out but this is my biggest inner struggle. It's really tough. She encouraged me to go, and we laughed and cried so much before I left, and she talked about visiting even though we both new it would be impossible. I called her every weekend , sometimes she could talk and sometimes not. She passed away in late October, I tried unsuccessfully to get there before she did. I did get to the funeral and spent time with the family and close friends. I do feel guilty at times, but she knew that it was important for me to get away and start a new journey and never discouraged it. I had been recently unemployed and had a job waiting for me so off I went. (kids are grown up living on their own) I am still grieving and call and keep in touch with family regularly, that really helps. Communicating is so much easier now then in the past. I have the savings to fly back last minute if something horrible happened, but even if I didn't leave the country, it's not like I'd be living near my parents forever. If you want to stay close to family because it makes you happy, then you should do it. But don't limit yourself because of where your family lives. It can easily be construed as selfish, but then again I've had this talk with my parents and also a grandparent who has dementia, whilst my parents took a little time to come around to it, when they realised it was a serious decision of mine and not just an 'idea' they got 100% behind me... my granny said you can't put a dream on hold...good old Granny :)
Some people aren't meant to stay in one place, and in years to come I would hate the idea of my kids not doing their dream because of me. My family also say they are behind me, with trembling voice of hoping me to not go from their inside. I can feel it. Even they say go pursue you career (they are supportive) my mother slips a bothering idea of her " who will care about us when we hospitalized or need a lot of care " Don't sweat it too much, mothers are mothers after all...it took mine a long time to fully understand and be happy with me not being around (not for medical reasons, although she is in her early 60's awaiting 2 replacement knee operations, but because she would miss me). When I sent home a photo album of my adventures away along with a video she was so happy and doesn't want me to return home for good! They will be alright, my advice is go for it...waiting around for what if's and maybe's that might never happen isn't the answer for me. If the worst happens down the line then i'll deal with it at that moment in time. P.S. Teach them how to use certain apps or programs such as skype, snapchat, viber etc...and keep in contact when you can. My dad loved my snapchats from drunken nights in Thailand lol.
I can handle everything the army has to throw at me, but I'm already having a hard time with the prospect of leaving behind my family. I'm not worried about my parents or my brothers, but I am most concerned about my youngest brother. He's the only one who's really bonded with me, and I hate to leave him during an important part of his life, that is moving out of the house for college. He's already told me that he's lonely, and every chance I get I spend time with him. I just hope he's going to be all right while I'm gone.
Secondly, I am most concerned of leaving my boyfriend. He is in the National Guard too, and he may go on a deployment during my deployment, or right after my deployment. This can mean that we will be separated for years if that's the case. We really do love each other, and we both expressed how we want to be with each other, but being apart for so long is hard. He isn't great at making wise decisions, and he doesn't take care of himself the way I take care of us. We don't live together, yet we commute every other day to each other's places so that it's like we do. How do you get over the stress of leaving your loved ones? How do you ensure that they'll be all right while you're gone?
It sucks, I'm not gonna lie to you, but you just gotta keep looking at that graduation date and realize we're the lucky ones in the guard, because 0-3 days after graduation, we're back home with those same people we missed. Write letters when you can but no promises you'll have very much time in BCT.
This answer probably won’t help you, so sorry I’m advance but I went to basic with a bunch of stupid kids who thought they were all going to be special forces command team rear admirals, so I hated almost every second. I liked learning some things, but these kids made everything more stressful and difficult for no real reason other than they were all idiots. It was rough spending 4 months with these absolute morons knowing I would much rather be back home spending time with my baby sister and brothers.
When I got out of infantry school, I was mobbing and deployed a year later. It was rough in my wife, and I missed my sister’s high school graduation. It sucked, for sure, but there will always be other big events for you to be there for. Me and my wife have been together for going on five years now, and my sister came down recently to get her first tattoo, and got to surprise my mom with it when she got home. There’s a good chance you’ll be able to talk almost daily on any deployment that the NG sends you on. I was in East Africa and we had wifi, so I talked every day that wasn’t a blackout. You're very young, and I'm only a few years older than you. If you guys make it? Awesome! You'll know you can get through almost anything life throws at you. If he can't make it work, or let's you down, then you've dodged a bullet. You don't want someone like that in your life; you want someone who will stick by you through thick and thin.
Look, I'm not sprouting words outta my ass either. My husband and I have been through some shitty times. There were countless times I had to go to chemotherapy completely alone while he was either deployed, TDY, or in the field. I was in an exam room alone when I found out I was terminal. I've had to drive myself to the hospital with two casts on my arms, even though I wasn't supposed to drive, because my husband was in the field, deployed, or TDY. I've spent weeks and months alone, dealing not only with my own responsibilities, but also shouldering his while he's gone. From simple things like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and taking care of the dogs, to dealing with a car accident completely on your own, independence, initiative, and proactive behavior is critical.Keep yourself busy, too. When you're back from BCT/AIT/deployment and he's gone, and vice versa, staying busy and occupied, I've found, is essential. Get a good job that keeps you mentally stimulated and that you enjoy/take interest in. Outside of work, if you want, get involved somehow. Volunteering? Sign up to be a mentor (i.e. Big Brothers, Big Sisters) for a kid? Find and engage in a hobby? Take a class at your local community college? Virtual learning? There are a ton of online learning resources, from MOOCs to Coursera to Google Certifications, and more. If you're really finding yourself bored and tons of time on your hands, check out MOBCOP/TOD for short-term ADOS opportunities. There are some really nifty opportunities, and can take you to interesting places! They can include new skills, travel to new places, new friends/colleagues, and it can lead to great professional development opportunities. Just something to think about.
It was very stressful, all I could do was take it day by day. I made a calendar and just checked off each day as they came. I would just go through the day reminding myself “this isn’t forever, it will end” and think about my family. That’s really all I could do.
I’m in my 30’s and am just now starting to realize how many of my insecurities come from the way I was brought up. I’m not talking catastrophic things, just subtle things. Like constantly worried about what other people think so I can keep up a certain “image”, not ever really truly being myself. Or seeing people in your family using alcohol as a coping mechanism so thinking that it’s normal. Anyway, it’s interesting how our views change. I thought I had a picture perfect childhood but the more I distance myself from it the more I realize that a lot of my problems actually stem from the way I was brought up.
I love being away from my wife and my stepkids. I can chill in my cot at night and nobody is trying to get me to watch TikToks or bothering me with their needy bullshit. If I die in a combat zone they'll get like $400,000 and I won't have to live in clown world anymore. So the guard works really well for me. But then again I'm a callous asshole. YMMV
Additionally, in my industry, most opportunities are in the western USA in cities that highly interest me (Phoenix, Denver, California, Seattle). I am starting to get interviews for positions in said areas, and as supportive as my parents are regarding me starting a career in a field that I love, they are frequently nagging directly and indirectly about not staying on the east coast, and this has been going on for months. While I understand their sentiments, it is really starting to get under my skin, and it is impacting the enthusiasm that I have for these opportunities and creating guilt. I do feel bad possibly leaving them considering my sister is also leaving for her first year of college soon, my mom gets anxious when her kids aren't around, and my dad has spent most of my childhood working and probably . However, my personal growth has stagnated living here, and I am certain that moving somewhere new will bring new motivations.
How do I properly deal with this? I have never really been able to or felt comfortable confronting my parents directly about such issues since they seem to have a tendency of ignoring my side of the story. At this point, I want to just ignore their feelings regarding this completely, but it is hard to when it feels like they heavily depend on me and my sister for enjoyment. Thank you!
