Those who feel 'mentally okay', what is it like?
It's been a journey, but let me share a few of the more important things I've learned about forgiveness, handling emotions, and acceptance along to the way, because I haven't always felt okay. The first thing I needed to work on was forgiving myself. Kicking yourself over past failures won't change what happened, it will just leave you sore from being kicked so much. You need to give up all hope for a better past. Own who you have been so it doesn't own you.
As for dealing with emotions, let's use shame as an example. It's alright to be with shame. It's an emotion. It happens to all of us. You are not a shameful person. You need not let shame control your actions. Do not identify with it just because you experience it. You need not run from it nor let it own you. It's alright. It is normal. It will pass.
The mistakes I have made are done, I do not need to attach judgement to them. Only through accepting what I have done and the tendencies in myself which led me to those actions can I do better now. I used to get bent out of shape when I didn't live up to who I wanted to be. Who I wanted to be was always an illusion, that man never existed. So I've come to accept who I am rather than comparing my real self to the one in my mind. If anything, when in conflict I try to bring my expectations of self in alignment with reality.
Who I have been has led me to where I am, and while change can occur it has limits. I accept my problems will not vanish overnight. There are no silver bullet simple solutions, only gradual work. If you don't own who you are, you will let yourself be owned -- by your illusions, by your emotions, or by those around you.
Finally though, it's been a journey. I realized these lessons quite a number of years ago, but I didn't have the skills to put them into practice at that time. I needed to learn to forgive myself for that too, who I had been hadn't learned these skills yet, and it took time. It's still taking time, I'm by no means perfect at them. But I'm better. A lot better than I used to be. It's taken a while, but I feel I'm okay with who I am, and looking forward to who I'll become.
Difficult. Life is a constant struggle with goals, obstacles, setbacks and rewards. If that difficulty isn't there, it isn't worthwhile. Once you meet one objective, there's another one right around the corner, so you need to take as many moments as you can to appreciate your accomplishment(s) but OTOH it's not always easy to appreciate, so you have to come up with reasons why you should.
I found that guided meditation was very helpful, and regular exercise. Meditation trains your brain to focus on the present (I have a bad habit of ruminating on the past, wondering about the future, and generally playing the “what if” game with every decision I’ve made.). Taking time to focus on the present is a great help. Finding the willpower to exercise is sometimes difficult, but even a quick jog around the block is enough for a mood boost and sometimes after getting started I just want to keep going.
I think I'm considered to be mentally ok. But just like anyone else I have my highs and lows. I have never done drugs or drank. I watched it destroy those around me. To be honest being " OK " is just as mentally taxing as not being. You become the therapist friend and the one who fixes everyone else's problems. Most of us who are "ok" were once in the spot our friends are in. We help them through experience. In a way it's peaceful to be able to help those around me. But in some ways you feel the pressure to keep being ok. No one is 100% ok all the time
I've gone through many phases of my life, but I spent the majority of my life with anxiety and OCD. When I went to college, it became 10x worse and I was struggling to cope, accepting this is how my life would always be. I thankfully took a risk and went against my instinct and did a year long internship to get me away from college for a bit. I moved to a warm place, was with kids my age with similar interest and working instead of studying. Holy crap. I felt fine the whole time. Stuff that use to stress me out or make me flare up just rolled off my back. It felt empowering. I decided to switch colleges to a different setting and this helped a ton as well. I'm not saying I'm always fine, but do really recommend changing up your life, if you can. Maybe going to college away from home if you can afford it or moving to a different state. You don't have to make it permanent! Leases are for a year and you can sublease for even less, just to try it out. I’m in a state where cannabis is legal, so that has helped with recurring bad dreams. I’m not a fan of smoking, but I make my own canna cookies and they go nice with a cup of tea before bed. Helps me sleep through the night without dreaming of anything. Another odd thing — I noticed that if I can’t feel well myself, watching videos of other people laughing or showing enthusiasm for some specific subject helps me feel better. I love it when other people show passion for some subject, sometimes that enthusiasm can be contagious.
I feel like a lot of people who aren't 'mentally okay' have mental struggles, because they don't have goals or things to struggle for and if they do, the struggle seems insurmountable, even though they aren't necessarily. The whole point of things like dieting, exercising, saving money, working to overcome an obstacle, working to achieve a goal, etc. is that it's not a fun process, but rather rewarding. I think a lot of people conflate "reward" with "enjoyment" and when they don't receive the level of enjoyment expected from perusing the reward, they get discouraged and give up. Depression and malaise stems from stagnant consistency. It's the ups and downs that give people a sense of risk/reward and accomplishment.
Today at work is going to be an absolute bitch, but if I can fuck it in the ass, I'm gonna feel good about myself later and I look forward to that.
Ever since I was a kid I've always been keen on treating my body and mind like a temple, and every temple has a routine of care that needs to be followed. This requires a lot of self-monitoring and keeping myself in check. I'm not saying I have spreadsheets of my habits or fitness apps keeping track of my steps, but I take active steps to facilitate a life that is ultimately fulfilling and not driven toward escapism. More importantly, as I get older I try to actively notice the things in my life that bring me joy and contentment.
For instance, this past weekend was my birthday, Friday to be exact. From Friday to yesterday I was low. Felt depressed, sad, no energy to really celebrate my birthday, had no desire to actually be with my long time girl friend. Today? I'm good. Had good sleep. Listened to my 9 year old son tell me about how thermodynamics and physics worked and how he wishes he could nuke North Korea, pet some cats, got bit by a fish, and had a good lunch. Tomorrow will be different.
I felt mentally okay for 2 years. It was the first time in my life I was feeling like that. Before that, I always doubted myself, thinking I wasn't really depressive, despite having constant panic attacks. Then I was diagnosed with adhd and I started with meds. My entire life changed. I managed to go to the gym, be active. Solve my shit. It was amazing. I understood that I was really depressive before and that not being depressed was an entirely new feeling. I no longer felt like those dark humor depressive shit posts were relatable. I was fine.
Then the pandemic came and hit all of us harder than we had thought it would. I had to stop the gym. Lost all the progress I had made, gained weight, lost focus, got bored, got older. I couldn't see people, I couldn't keep in being more sociable like I learned to be. Basically, the pandemic pushed me back to my old self by force.
Maybe not as high as today, or as low as the weekend, but different. There really is no "okay" mentality. I imagine people who have depression or anxiety or any other mental health issues have a similar wave like mental states. Some days are good, some are not.
Substance regulation is key: I don't drink coffee unless I need a midday pick-me-up. I don't smoke weed daily anymore. I only drink alcohol on weekends. I know that if my consumption of any of these ticks too high, then my life is probably falling out of balance. I'm an undiagnosed, unmedicated person who is otherwise neurotypical, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle internally with guilt, societal expectations, or a general lingering discontentment.
I’d argue to say that “mentally okay” is subjective, because it is possible that I have undiagnosed depression, but I still consider myself “mentally okay”. A mentally okay person still has their moments where shit is fucked up and they are just not having a good day, but a mentally okay person would know the proper and effective way to handle it when they have those moments. And that can be different for everyone. For me, when I’m angry, I practice boxing, because punching a punching bag really helps to relieve some stress. When I’m feeling down, I have my gf to talk to. As of late, pretty much everyone is dealing with some shit, so we’ve kinda had to lower our standards for what “mentally okay” means. And hey man, if you’re going through it right now, just know you’re not alone. There will always be someone willing to support you
The day could hold any number of exciting adventures or rewarding experiences. I could drive to the boardwalk, I could go see a friend, I could head out to that bar in the next county where this lovely girl I know waits tables. I could hang some pictures on the wall in my apartment or order take-out or watch a free movie or sitcom rerun on my Roku. I could dig my bicycle out of storage and cruise my neighborhood. I could call out from work tomorrow and go see my girlfriend or fix my motorcycle.
Ok, think of something you don't care about. Think about how little it matters to you, my thing was imagining getting hit with a paper ball. That paper ball is someone's thoughts about you. Really consider how bothered you are by that paper ball, the real, tangible effect it has on you. What damage is it doing, really? Someone has a negative thought about you, you somehow become aware of it. Then what? What actually happens to you because of that thought? If they'd said nothing, would you even know? Would the silent thought have an effect on you?
Understand that YOU are never EVER the root cause of anyone else's thinking, they are. When someone thinks something bad about you, it doesn't reflect the true reality of your worth, not ever. What's really happening is that you're worried their thoughts will reflect something you dislike about YOURSELF. That feeling doesn't come from them, it comes from you.
None of it is real. I know it's hard to really intuitively accept that, it took me a lot of time and pain and self loathing to understand, some really big epiphanies that allowed me to let others' negative thoughts and opinions wash over me, but that negativity doesn't DO anything, it's just sound, it's just wordless thoughts and feelings. It hurts you because you let yourself believe it, and because you've come to believe it matters. It doesn't. Really truly demonstrably does not matter. The pain in their words comes from you.
My mind constantly lives in the future, bombarding me with things I have to do, things I need to make "progress" on, what's happening this weekend, next weekend. I keep lists of lots of things: things I've been meaning to do but haven't yet, shows to watch, gifts to give people at times of the year. Weed has been my biggest crutch in life because it allows me to live in the present for a little bit, but even that is prone to abuse. Like anyone I have good days and bad days. Good days are usually unremarkable. Bad days are plagued with boredom, cageyness, and a general feeling of "Is this all there is?!?!". Self Regulation and activities are key. I know if I'm not learning an instrument, working on a project, keeping myself in modest shape, journaling, playing videogames, or doing anything else to keep my mind occupied, I'll inevitably sink into a depressive state. That's the uphill of life, even for us 'mentally okay' folks.
I wouldn't say I struggled but I definitely had my bouts of self loathing in years past. All of which were tied to the expected image of what I "should" be. Married, kids or 2, good paying job..... then I stopped looking at those far off things are just started looking at this week or just today. What can I do that fixes a little irk in my life. After awhile my mind got much more positive and clearer. This is the best feeling ever. I suffer from a lot of mental health challenges, primarily anxiety which leads me to be a highly stressed person. At times the stress is crippling. It always feels like I am worrying about something. This has been on the rise big time since Covid and other life changing shit, which essentially triggered IBS for me. It's been very not fun.
I finally had enough and decided I needed changes in my lifestyle so I started practicing yoga and mild meditation every day. It's changed me and while I still have moments where anxiety and stress win, there are more days where I feel nothing to worry about which leads to feeling more productive, optimistic and just overall happy. It's pure bliss.
I care much less of what the world sees me as and simply live the "right" way as guided by my moral compass. As long as I can end the day and can tell myself I'm a good person that's all I need. There's more to it but I'm not sure I know how to put it into words. But to answer your actual question it just feels calm. I feel like my mind is as tough as steel and the world can no longer break it. I am me, I like me, and usually the world likes me being me even if im not a perfect me.
So I think I'm mentally okay. I see my psychologist every week which helps as I can talk through how the whole week has been and she helps me understand any situations/conversations I am confused about. When I have panic attacks I know exactly what to do and can get through them quite well at the moment. My PTSD flared up last night as I heard my mom screaming like a maniac, which triggered me and I did exactly what I should have done last year which was leave the situation completely and sort myself out. I've moved to a farm far away from any drama and I'm loving it. My pathological demand avoidance is still kicking my arse, but I've learned to be kinder to myself and work through it. It takes time to get to this point unfortunately and I'm definitely not 100% there yet. I find I have dips and rises in my mood, when I have a dip, I know that I will have a rise again, which is comforting. I also live by the motto, "It be like that sometimes" which is from good old Shane on Buzzfeed Unsolved haha. So yeah, I'd say I'm doing alright. I don't drink or smoke weed anymore which has made all the difference. But that's about it. Its almost like you know things will be a little better eventually even if you're not having a great day. Plus I have five dogs which helps a lot as I am constantly entertained by their antics! I had something really traumatic happen to me. Diagnosed with PTSD, went from making a lot of money to no money ( well paying performance based job) . Saw two therapists. He mentioned I could get meds. I said I didn’t want them. ( I know some people NEED meds for chemicals imbalance) .. anyway my boss put me on an ultimatum or I was going to lose my job. I started focusing on me first . Woke up early did yoga, stretching worked out. Only drank water , ate healthy and got good sleep, and slowly I was back to my normal self. Today I set goals and to do lists and when I check them off I feel accomplished and everyday I wake up with purpose and energy. Seek meaningful relationships with people. Volunteer your time to help those in need. Sometimes helping those worse off than you makes you feel good in doing something nice for others.
I'm just trying to get out of this funk I'm in and find my motivation to achieve my goals and make mine and my family's life better. I've been in worse situations before and came out stonger and I know I'll get through this too. I just needed to say completely anonymously that I'm not fine or okay and I'm struggling a bit. Thanks for letting me share. You aren’t alone! Everyone has moments, seasons, times when they aren’t okay. It was so brave and awesome of you to reach out and tell someone. Even a community of people working to better themselves and their lives. Don’t let yourself stay down, though! You can work through this and have an incredible story of overcoming. Focus on the good things, acknowledge the bad, and move forward in your productive habits. You got this!
You can get through this. It will not be easy though. The reason I think you will get through it is because you have sufficient self-awareness to admit (and share with others, even if anonymously) that you are really struggling. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs, in the last decade. One thing I have found is that it is helpful to keep 1 or 2 good habits going, even when things are going really bad. For example, something like flossing everyday, or exercising regularly can make a significant difference. Having control of one or two small things that are positive and move you in a positive direction (even if it's something pretty underwhelming like good oral hygiene) can be a big, big deal. I feel the same way! I'm okay maybe 5% of the time, maybe less. Each day is a struggle because I am so burnt out. I mostly get thru on sheer teeth-gritting determination, every single day. The exhaustion just builds. My responsibilities (work, family) are a heavy burden, but also my reason for carrying on.On the bright side, I do have moments almost every day where I find some reason to be grateful. I may stumble upon these moments, or I may be able to mindfully conjure them. Either way, it doesn't make me happy; it doesn't solve problems, or give me energy, or a break. What it does is allow me to take a breath and realize that I am okay enough to get through the day, the week, the month. It also helps when I am able to not judge myself for struggling. This can be really difficult to manage. I force myself to allow myself to be imperfect, or lazy, or useless, whatever, depending on what is going on. It gets me through to the next hour or day. It’s ok to not be fine. It’s ok to struggle. As long as you keep getting back up and moving forward you can have a better tomorrow. You have a family, a home and much more I’m sure. Keep getting up and fighting for a better life for your family and show them that as hard as it is, you will never give up.
Sometimes being a "survivor" really, really sucks. We get hit with something and we struggle, deal with it, make it through. Come up for air and then wham! get hit again, struggle again, and get through again. On the good side - we KNOW things will get better. We know we are stronger now. We know whatever the current "this" is won't break us completely because we've been to the very bottom before and came back. The downside is that we start thinking (and those around us start thinking) that just because we're survivors and made it through stuff that we are "ok" no matter what happens - and we're not. We may know we'll make it through, but that doesn't mean we're not on a legit struggle-bus right now, and it completely sucks.
As for dealing with emotions, let's use shame as an example. It's alright to be with shame. It's an emotion. It happens to all of us. You are not a shameful person. You need not let shame control your actions. Do not identify with it just because you experience it. You need not run from it nor let it own you. It's alright. It is normal. It will pass.
The mistakes I have made are done, I do not need to attach judgement to them. Only through accepting what I have done and the tendencies in myself which led me to those actions can I do better now. I used to get bent out of shape when I didn't live up to who I wanted to be. Who I wanted to be was always an illusion, that man never existed. So I've come to accept who I am rather than comparing my real self to the one in my mind. If anything, when in conflict I try to bring my expectations of self in alignment with reality.
Who I have been has led me to where I am, and while change can occur it has limits. I accept my problems will not vanish overnight. There are no silver bullet simple solutions, only gradual work. If you don't own who you are, you will let yourself be owned -- by your illusions, by your emotions, or by those around you.
Finally though, it's been a journey. I realized these lessons quite a number of years ago, but I didn't have the skills to put them into practice at that time. I needed to learn to forgive myself for that too, who I had been hadn't learned these skills yet, and it took time. It's still taking time, I'm by no means perfect at them. But I'm better. A lot better than I used to be. It's taken a while, but I feel I'm okay with who I am, and looking forward to who I'll become.
Difficult. Life is a constant struggle with goals, obstacles, setbacks and rewards. If that difficulty isn't there, it isn't worthwhile. Once you meet one objective, there's another one right around the corner, so you need to take as many moments as you can to appreciate your accomplishment(s) but OTOH it's not always easy to appreciate, so you have to come up with reasons why you should.
I found that guided meditation was very helpful, and regular exercise. Meditation trains your brain to focus on the present (I have a bad habit of ruminating on the past, wondering about the future, and generally playing the “what if” game with every decision I’ve made.). Taking time to focus on the present is a great help. Finding the willpower to exercise is sometimes difficult, but even a quick jog around the block is enough for a mood boost and sometimes after getting started I just want to keep going.
I think I'm considered to be mentally ok. But just like anyone else I have my highs and lows. I have never done drugs or drank. I watched it destroy those around me. To be honest being " OK " is just as mentally taxing as not being. You become the therapist friend and the one who fixes everyone else's problems. Most of us who are "ok" were once in the spot our friends are in. We help them through experience. In a way it's peaceful to be able to help those around me. But in some ways you feel the pressure to keep being ok. No one is 100% ok all the time
I've gone through many phases of my life, but I spent the majority of my life with anxiety and OCD. When I went to college, it became 10x worse and I was struggling to cope, accepting this is how my life would always be. I thankfully took a risk and went against my instinct and did a year long internship to get me away from college for a bit. I moved to a warm place, was with kids my age with similar interest and working instead of studying. Holy crap. I felt fine the whole time. Stuff that use to stress me out or make me flare up just rolled off my back. It felt empowering. I decided to switch colleges to a different setting and this helped a ton as well. I'm not saying I'm always fine, but do really recommend changing up your life, if you can. Maybe going to college away from home if you can afford it or moving to a different state. You don't have to make it permanent! Leases are for a year and you can sublease for even less, just to try it out. I’m in a state where cannabis is legal, so that has helped with recurring bad dreams. I’m not a fan of smoking, but I make my own canna cookies and they go nice with a cup of tea before bed. Helps me sleep through the night without dreaming of anything. Another odd thing — I noticed that if I can’t feel well myself, watching videos of other people laughing or showing enthusiasm for some specific subject helps me feel better. I love it when other people show passion for some subject, sometimes that enthusiasm can be contagious.
I feel like a lot of people who aren't 'mentally okay' have mental struggles, because they don't have goals or things to struggle for and if they do, the struggle seems insurmountable, even though they aren't necessarily. The whole point of things like dieting, exercising, saving money, working to overcome an obstacle, working to achieve a goal, etc. is that it's not a fun process, but rather rewarding. I think a lot of people conflate "reward" with "enjoyment" and when they don't receive the level of enjoyment expected from perusing the reward, they get discouraged and give up. Depression and malaise stems from stagnant consistency. It's the ups and downs that give people a sense of risk/reward and accomplishment.
Today at work is going to be an absolute bitch, but if I can fuck it in the ass, I'm gonna feel good about myself later and I look forward to that.
Ever since I was a kid I've always been keen on treating my body and mind like a temple, and every temple has a routine of care that needs to be followed. This requires a lot of self-monitoring and keeping myself in check. I'm not saying I have spreadsheets of my habits or fitness apps keeping track of my steps, but I take active steps to facilitate a life that is ultimately fulfilling and not driven toward escapism. More importantly, as I get older I try to actively notice the things in my life that bring me joy and contentment.
For instance, this past weekend was my birthday, Friday to be exact. From Friday to yesterday I was low. Felt depressed, sad, no energy to really celebrate my birthday, had no desire to actually be with my long time girl friend. Today? I'm good. Had good sleep. Listened to my 9 year old son tell me about how thermodynamics and physics worked and how he wishes he could nuke North Korea, pet some cats, got bit by a fish, and had a good lunch. Tomorrow will be different.
I felt mentally okay for 2 years. It was the first time in my life I was feeling like that. Before that, I always doubted myself, thinking I wasn't really depressive, despite having constant panic attacks. Then I was diagnosed with adhd and I started with meds. My entire life changed. I managed to go to the gym, be active. Solve my shit. It was amazing. I understood that I was really depressive before and that not being depressed was an entirely new feeling. I no longer felt like those dark humor depressive shit posts were relatable. I was fine.
Then the pandemic came and hit all of us harder than we had thought it would. I had to stop the gym. Lost all the progress I had made, gained weight, lost focus, got bored, got older. I couldn't see people, I couldn't keep in being more sociable like I learned to be. Basically, the pandemic pushed me back to my old self by force.
Maybe not as high as today, or as low as the weekend, but different. There really is no "okay" mentality. I imagine people who have depression or anxiety or any other mental health issues have a similar wave like mental states. Some days are good, some are not.
Substance regulation is key: I don't drink coffee unless I need a midday pick-me-up. I don't smoke weed daily anymore. I only drink alcohol on weekends. I know that if my consumption of any of these ticks too high, then my life is probably falling out of balance. I'm an undiagnosed, unmedicated person who is otherwise neurotypical, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle internally with guilt, societal expectations, or a general lingering discontentment.
I’d argue to say that “mentally okay” is subjective, because it is possible that I have undiagnosed depression, but I still consider myself “mentally okay”. A mentally okay person still has their moments where shit is fucked up and they are just not having a good day, but a mentally okay person would know the proper and effective way to handle it when they have those moments. And that can be different for everyone. For me, when I’m angry, I practice boxing, because punching a punching bag really helps to relieve some stress. When I’m feeling down, I have my gf to talk to. As of late, pretty much everyone is dealing with some shit, so we’ve kinda had to lower our standards for what “mentally okay” means. And hey man, if you’re going through it right now, just know you’re not alone. There will always be someone willing to support you
The day could hold any number of exciting adventures or rewarding experiences. I could drive to the boardwalk, I could go see a friend, I could head out to that bar in the next county where this lovely girl I know waits tables. I could hang some pictures on the wall in my apartment or order take-out or watch a free movie or sitcom rerun on my Roku. I could dig my bicycle out of storage and cruise my neighborhood. I could call out from work tomorrow and go see my girlfriend or fix my motorcycle.
Ok, think of something you don't care about. Think about how little it matters to you, my thing was imagining getting hit with a paper ball. That paper ball is someone's thoughts about you. Really consider how bothered you are by that paper ball, the real, tangible effect it has on you. What damage is it doing, really? Someone has a negative thought about you, you somehow become aware of it. Then what? What actually happens to you because of that thought? If they'd said nothing, would you even know? Would the silent thought have an effect on you?
Understand that YOU are never EVER the root cause of anyone else's thinking, they are. When someone thinks something bad about you, it doesn't reflect the true reality of your worth, not ever. What's really happening is that you're worried their thoughts will reflect something you dislike about YOURSELF. That feeling doesn't come from them, it comes from you.
None of it is real. I know it's hard to really intuitively accept that, it took me a lot of time and pain and self loathing to understand, some really big epiphanies that allowed me to let others' negative thoughts and opinions wash over me, but that negativity doesn't DO anything, it's just sound, it's just wordless thoughts and feelings. It hurts you because you let yourself believe it, and because you've come to believe it matters. It doesn't. Really truly demonstrably does not matter. The pain in their words comes from you.
My mind constantly lives in the future, bombarding me with things I have to do, things I need to make "progress" on, what's happening this weekend, next weekend. I keep lists of lots of things: things I've been meaning to do but haven't yet, shows to watch, gifts to give people at times of the year. Weed has been my biggest crutch in life because it allows me to live in the present for a little bit, but even that is prone to abuse. Like anyone I have good days and bad days. Good days are usually unremarkable. Bad days are plagued with boredom, cageyness, and a general feeling of "Is this all there is?!?!". Self Regulation and activities are key. I know if I'm not learning an instrument, working on a project, keeping myself in modest shape, journaling, playing videogames, or doing anything else to keep my mind occupied, I'll inevitably sink into a depressive state. That's the uphill of life, even for us 'mentally okay' folks.
I wouldn't say I struggled but I definitely had my bouts of self loathing in years past. All of which were tied to the expected image of what I "should" be. Married, kids or 2, good paying job..... then I stopped looking at those far off things are just started looking at this week or just today. What can I do that fixes a little irk in my life. After awhile my mind got much more positive and clearer. This is the best feeling ever. I suffer from a lot of mental health challenges, primarily anxiety which leads me to be a highly stressed person. At times the stress is crippling. It always feels like I am worrying about something. This has been on the rise big time since Covid and other life changing shit, which essentially triggered IBS for me. It's been very not fun.
I finally had enough and decided I needed changes in my lifestyle so I started practicing yoga and mild meditation every day. It's changed me and while I still have moments where anxiety and stress win, there are more days where I feel nothing to worry about which leads to feeling more productive, optimistic and just overall happy. It's pure bliss.
I care much less of what the world sees me as and simply live the "right" way as guided by my moral compass. As long as I can end the day and can tell myself I'm a good person that's all I need. There's more to it but I'm not sure I know how to put it into words. But to answer your actual question it just feels calm. I feel like my mind is as tough as steel and the world can no longer break it. I am me, I like me, and usually the world likes me being me even if im not a perfect me.
So I think I'm mentally okay. I see my psychologist every week which helps as I can talk through how the whole week has been and she helps me understand any situations/conversations I am confused about. When I have panic attacks I know exactly what to do and can get through them quite well at the moment. My PTSD flared up last night as I heard my mom screaming like a maniac, which triggered me and I did exactly what I should have done last year which was leave the situation completely and sort myself out. I've moved to a farm far away from any drama and I'm loving it. My pathological demand avoidance is still kicking my arse, but I've learned to be kinder to myself and work through it. It takes time to get to this point unfortunately and I'm definitely not 100% there yet. I find I have dips and rises in my mood, when I have a dip, I know that I will have a rise again, which is comforting. I also live by the motto, "It be like that sometimes" which is from good old Shane on Buzzfeed Unsolved haha. So yeah, I'd say I'm doing alright. I don't drink or smoke weed anymore which has made all the difference. But that's about it. Its almost like you know things will be a little better eventually even if you're not having a great day. Plus I have five dogs which helps a lot as I am constantly entertained by their antics! I had something really traumatic happen to me. Diagnosed with PTSD, went from making a lot of money to no money ( well paying performance based job) . Saw two therapists. He mentioned I could get meds. I said I didn’t want them. ( I know some people NEED meds for chemicals imbalance) .. anyway my boss put me on an ultimatum or I was going to lose my job. I started focusing on me first . Woke up early did yoga, stretching worked out. Only drank water , ate healthy and got good sleep, and slowly I was back to my normal self. Today I set goals and to do lists and when I check them off I feel accomplished and everyday I wake up with purpose and energy. Seek meaningful relationships with people. Volunteer your time to help those in need. Sometimes helping those worse off than you makes you feel good in doing something nice for others.
I'm just trying to get out of this funk I'm in and find my motivation to achieve my goals and make mine and my family's life better. I've been in worse situations before and came out stonger and I know I'll get through this too. I just needed to say completely anonymously that I'm not fine or okay and I'm struggling a bit. Thanks for letting me share. You aren’t alone! Everyone has moments, seasons, times when they aren’t okay. It was so brave and awesome of you to reach out and tell someone. Even a community of people working to better themselves and their lives. Don’t let yourself stay down, though! You can work through this and have an incredible story of overcoming. Focus on the good things, acknowledge the bad, and move forward in your productive habits. You got this!
You can get through this. It will not be easy though. The reason I think you will get through it is because you have sufficient self-awareness to admit (and share with others, even if anonymously) that you are really struggling. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs, in the last decade. One thing I have found is that it is helpful to keep 1 or 2 good habits going, even when things are going really bad. For example, something like flossing everyday, or exercising regularly can make a significant difference. Having control of one or two small things that are positive and move you in a positive direction (even if it's something pretty underwhelming like good oral hygiene) can be a big, big deal. I feel the same way! I'm okay maybe 5% of the time, maybe less. Each day is a struggle because I am so burnt out. I mostly get thru on sheer teeth-gritting determination, every single day. The exhaustion just builds. My responsibilities (work, family) are a heavy burden, but also my reason for carrying on.On the bright side, I do have moments almost every day where I find some reason to be grateful. I may stumble upon these moments, or I may be able to mindfully conjure them. Either way, it doesn't make me happy; it doesn't solve problems, or give me energy, or a break. What it does is allow me to take a breath and realize that I am okay enough to get through the day, the week, the month. It also helps when I am able to not judge myself for struggling. This can be really difficult to manage. I force myself to allow myself to be imperfect, or lazy, or useless, whatever, depending on what is going on. It gets me through to the next hour or day. It’s ok to not be fine. It’s ok to struggle. As long as you keep getting back up and moving forward you can have a better tomorrow. You have a family, a home and much more I’m sure. Keep getting up and fighting for a better life for your family and show them that as hard as it is, you will never give up.
Sometimes being a "survivor" really, really sucks. We get hit with something and we struggle, deal with it, make it through. Come up for air and then wham! get hit again, struggle again, and get through again. On the good side - we KNOW things will get better. We know we are stronger now. We know whatever the current "this" is won't break us completely because we've been to the very bottom before and came back. The downside is that we start thinking (and those around us start thinking) that just because we're survivors and made it through stuff that we are "ok" no matter what happens - and we're not. We may know we'll make it through, but that doesn't mean we're not on a legit struggle-bus right now, and it completely sucks.
