Is being alone and loneliness weighing you down?
Do you ever feel the crushing weight of loneliness? What has been bothering/weighing down on you lately? About half a year ago I moved from a European country to the US to start a new life here with my husband. We have done a lot of traveling here and really like our new jobs, all in all I am very happy I made the move.
But I didn't anticipate how lonely it would be to come here. I spent Christmas without my family. I spent New Years alone. I miss my best friend more than I ever thought I would.
I am really putting myself out there, I am going out with coworkers, I am going to meet-ups, I am signing up to classes, I even chat on Bumble BFF. But the reality is that all these fletchling relationships can't fill the giant hole my close friends from Europe left in my heart. There is no one I can meet on short notice when I feel like shit. There is no one I can send silly messages to (I will send them to my friends in Europe, but they usually don't answer until the next day). Besides my husband there is no one who gives me a hug. I feel pathetic whenever I meet someone, because I want them to be my friend so bad. Does it get better?
Edit: My impression is that making friends with Americans is somewhat hard, because people never commit to anything. They say „Let’s do this again sometime“, but rarely does anyone take initiative. Meeting new people is easy, making friends is hard. Anyone else had a similar experience?
Edit 2: Follow up question: A lot of commenters have mentioned that I, as the new person, carry a big portion of the responsibility of making the friendships happen. I should be the one to take initiative, contact the others, and so forth. How much initiating meetings/contacting is the right amount in the beginning? And what are signs Someone thinks it is too much? No matter what I do or who I’m with, there is always a weight on my shoulders that I can’t get off. I’ll be laughing or having an okay day, and then a wave of feeling ugly comes over me. I’ll be feeling confident, and then a wave of feeling stupid and talentless comes over me. I’ll see two people in a relationship and I start to get sad because I know I’ll never be in one. No matter what I’m always being weighed down by my thoughts. I always feel inadequate. I always feel ugly or stupid or useless or everything at the same time. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve to be happy. Sometimes I think that I shouldn’t be proud of myself because I’m not as good or special as another person. I hate having the mindset of “I have to be better than everyone else or I’m not good enough”. I’m just so tired of being weighed down by my depression and other problems. I just want to feel better. I don’t even have to feel good, I just want to feel better. I just want to feel what it’s like to be successful, to have talent, to be smart or funny. I just want to know the feeling of being okay. But I’m not and I haven’t been okay in so long.
What if bad things happen and I can’t stop them? Will I always feel this way or will I spend my life feeling alone?
I understand God or the universe or whatever has a plan for me, but where in this plan am I going to be happy? Where in this plan will I make the right decision for one in my life? I just don’t know what to believe anymore. How do you embrace being alone?
I have a solid IT job which I love, making over 200k without leaving home, no debt, no addictions, a LOT of free time. I'm also shy, introverted, physically unattractive (3-4/10) boring and lonely. I spent my whole 20s following the usual advice for self-improvement - hobbies, sports, gym, setting/achieving goals, meditation, therapy and antidepressants, but nothing really helped me build a social life.
I'm not. I'm gonna sound really pessimistic, I apologize for that. I'm a very positive person. I always smile, I always try to cheer up everyone. Right now I'm doing everything I advice people not to do.
I'm going through a rough patch, but I always keep people things will get better. I usually believe so. I try and keep busy, I don't want to let depression keep me down. But tonight I broke. Tonight I can't keep going. I'm a 24 going on 25 Female. I'm both extroverted and introverted. I love people and taking care of them. I love making people happy. I love my family and I spoil them everytime I can. I pay most stuff for them whenever it's possible. I just like it when people are happy. My life was doing okay until recently. Everything went downhill. My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl he left me for. His friends followed him because, well, they were his friends to begin with.
A while later, while coping with it, I found out my male best friend was jealous of him and had hacked into my laptop to spy on my conversations. He'd been doing so for a while, and never bothered to tell me. Then an old friend of mine, male also, told me he had to stop talking to me because he had a new girlfriend that was aware that he had feelings for me and asked him to choose between me and her. I graduated college a while after that, celebrated alone with my family and started job hunting. I still didn't find anything. I'm not doing anything all day. I live on the money I saved. I went back to my parents' house to live with them because well... I'd broken up with my bf.
And yet I always remained optimistic, as much as possible. I didn't want to dwell on those thoughts but loneliness was really hard to cope with. I mediated, exercised, but at the end of the day I didn't have anyone to text or to hang out with, and I'm not the best at finding ways to find new ways of meeting people. I hope finding a job will help, but I can't find anything. Yet I keep smiling, everyday. People tell me I'm brave and strong, and I want to believe them.
But I still cry. My heart feels empty. I'd like to believe I'm better off alone and that I don't need anyone but I do. I miss my friends, I'm sick of people leaving me. I hate spending this summer all alone. I'd love to solo travel, but I can't really afford it and to be honest, I'm a bit scared. I wouldn't know where to start, and how to organize a budget.
Guys, I don't feel depressed because I want to die. I feel depressed because I want to live so much, and I feel like I'm cursed. Everytime I made a friend in my life, I lost them, and I'm all alone. I don't talk to anyone about my little obsessions, about my favorite movies. I tried turning to my family for that. My brother and I have always been really close and I've always had his back. Last year, I paid him his dream trip. Tonight, after a week of staying on his computer with his friends, he told me he cared more about them and his girlfriend than he did me. He told me that he knew it wasn't fair, but he wouldn't change. It felt so unfair. I always helped him, I was always there for him, and hearing him willingly turning his back on me felt like too much.
So tonight, I broke. I just burst into tears. I feel so alone, and it feels really unfair. I try to bring positivity in my life everyday, I take care of the people I love. All I expect in return is respect and a bit of support. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of being abandoned by everyone, I'm sick of having to pick myself up every single time to end up being hurt more. I'm not as strong and positive as people think I am. I'm simply human, and tonight I can't pick myself up anymore. I desperately need a hug, or someone, or anything. I have nobody to call, nobody to turn to, and as much as I'd like to be independent, I'm not. I've always strived to be the best of friend, and I'm sad I don't have anyone to share this with.
I miss my old life. I feel desperate tonight. I feel broken and hopeless. I feel so lonely. I feel so lonely. I'm sorry for being overdramatic. I know it's not the end of the world. But tonight, for me, it's too much to bear. It's late, but my face is all puffy and red and I can't stop crying.
I'm sorry for writing so much. I really needed this off my chest, even if noone ever reads it. Maybe tomorrow I'll be back to my "normal" self. Tonight I just needed to say that I'm not okay and that I'm desperately lonely. Friendship is one of the best things in life, and I miss it terribly. I want to have people to go on adventures with, people I laugh to the point my stomach hurts, people whose shoulder I can cry on without fearing judgement, people that'll have my back as I'll have theirs. I just don't wanna be alone anymore. I've been alone for too long already. Thank you again. I'm sorry, I might have killed the mood tonight. I genuinely didn't expect this many reactions to my post. I woke up this morning feeling like my face had been hit by a truck from all the crying and I didn't think of checking reddit because I thought it'd sunken down in oblivion already. You guys definitely restored my faith in humanity and I wish I could all take you out to get whatever it is you love eating/drinking best. (If you guys ever are in Paris...)
So the question is, instead of fighting the loneliness, how do you embrace it and learn to enjoy, instead of being depressed about? What do you do with your spare time, if you're not into any particular hobbies, and going out alone feels weird? How do you treat yourself? What do you tell people when they ask how did you spend weekend/holiday? How did you learn to be happy being alone, even if you're lonely? Toxic/ negative people are like an anchor to you and your life will pretty much be slow torture when you’re with them.
Most people will find it easier to eventually talk to new people or to seek help but this is a lot harder to do so when you’re with toxic/ negative people for various reasons.
As hard as it is for some to leave these type of people, your life will be far better without them. I don't want to be a downer, but I really just want to talk to someone. This is going to get a bit emo, and I apologize. I turned 30 a few months ago, and up to this point I've basically just worked and had no social life at all. I've done a pretty good job of burying that and not letting it phase me. I just got a new job though and had a few days free last weekend, so I got on Tinder and actually managed to get a girl to have coffee with me. It was my first date in practically forever, and as I sat there getting to know this girl, I started to feel a sense of hope for the first time in a long time. Hope that I could actually be happy instead of just a callous husk.
Anyway, the girl later told me she decided she isn't ready to start dating again. She's going through stuff and is about to go out of town for a couple of weeks, so even if I want to try to just pursue a friendship, I'm going to have a very lonely few weeks (if she even wants to see me again after that). I don't know if it's just me but sometimes I feel like I'll end up alone. I know that my family and friends keep telling "oh dont worry , your prince charming is probably thinking the same thing and he will show up soon" but I get this feeling like it wont happen. I never had a boyfriend. Like I'm 24 now and I still dont have one. I have had crushes but that the furthest it will go. I've talk to guys before but most of them are either weird or they are creeps. I see a lot of people with who found their true love and I see it on Facebook or Instagram and I'm here like "wow must be nice" I know I shouldn't feel this way or I shouldn't feel jealous but honestly I cant help it. I've try the dating app but all these guy just want to have is one night stand and leave but I want more than that. Oh and by the way , your girl a virg and sometimes I feel embarased to tell people that. I mean when I tell a guy that he doesn't believe me or he would say "wow , a girl your age should've of done it already" and I'm like yeah you probably right but then again I am still waiting for the right person to come along and be able to just be myself. What should I do? Should I feel this way or should I do something about it. Any thoughts? I love being alone. But sometimes when I see girls with siblings and sisters their age, they spend their day with and can talk and laugh with I feel alone and sad. I don‘t really feel like needing anybody but I would feel good if I know there was someone. I do have siblings but they are all much younger, which is so sad because I feel like they all have each other, and I'm alone. Also I kinda never feel welcomed anywhere or that anyone would be looking for me in my family or friendships. Does anyone experience this too? I don‘t even know why this happens to me. I'm a decent person and sympathetic person so I'm sure it's not my character. It just makes me feel even odder and as if something is wrong with me. Their negativity, their tendency to hold on to problems, talking about people, trying to bring me down to their level by bringing up the bad things in my life, asking about all the obstacles in life instead of the short cuts. They dont dream they just go around in circles chasing their own tail. What have people in this situation done? I love being alone but I know I cant be alone all the time. I love my friends and I want the best for them but sometimes I think the best for me is to do my own thing solo until I meet people that want to live life embracing positivity and uplifting others. I try to uplift my old friends but they have way too much baggage. Any advice is appreciated. I am trying not to let it get to me, but I can feel it, just below the surface. Friends too busy, family too busy. No one to talk to, whether it's meaningless small talk or pouring my heart out. No one to come home to. Feeling that I'll always be this way, that no matter what effort I make to put myself out there, it's all in vain. How soon til this feeling goes away? At least for a little while...?
But I didn't anticipate how lonely it would be to come here. I spent Christmas without my family. I spent New Years alone. I miss my best friend more than I ever thought I would.
I am really putting myself out there, I am going out with coworkers, I am going to meet-ups, I am signing up to classes, I even chat on Bumble BFF. But the reality is that all these fletchling relationships can't fill the giant hole my close friends from Europe left in my heart. There is no one I can meet on short notice when I feel like shit. There is no one I can send silly messages to (I will send them to my friends in Europe, but they usually don't answer until the next day). Besides my husband there is no one who gives me a hug. I feel pathetic whenever I meet someone, because I want them to be my friend so bad. Does it get better?
Edit: My impression is that making friends with Americans is somewhat hard, because people never commit to anything. They say „Let’s do this again sometime“, but rarely does anyone take initiative. Meeting new people is easy, making friends is hard. Anyone else had a similar experience?
Edit 2: Follow up question: A lot of commenters have mentioned that I, as the new person, carry a big portion of the responsibility of making the friendships happen. I should be the one to take initiative, contact the others, and so forth. How much initiating meetings/contacting is the right amount in the beginning? And what are signs Someone thinks it is too much? No matter what I do or who I’m with, there is always a weight on my shoulders that I can’t get off. I’ll be laughing or having an okay day, and then a wave of feeling ugly comes over me. I’ll be feeling confident, and then a wave of feeling stupid and talentless comes over me. I’ll see two people in a relationship and I start to get sad because I know I’ll never be in one. No matter what I’m always being weighed down by my thoughts. I always feel inadequate. I always feel ugly or stupid or useless or everything at the same time. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve to be happy. Sometimes I think that I shouldn’t be proud of myself because I’m not as good or special as another person. I hate having the mindset of “I have to be better than everyone else or I’m not good enough”. I’m just so tired of being weighed down by my depression and other problems. I just want to feel better. I don’t even have to feel good, I just want to feel better. I just want to feel what it’s like to be successful, to have talent, to be smart or funny. I just want to know the feeling of being okay. But I’m not and I haven’t been okay in so long.
What if bad things happen and I can’t stop them? Will I always feel this way or will I spend my life feeling alone?
I understand God or the universe or whatever has a plan for me, but where in this plan am I going to be happy? Where in this plan will I make the right decision for one in my life? I just don’t know what to believe anymore. How do you embrace being alone?
I have a solid IT job which I love, making over 200k without leaving home, no debt, no addictions, a LOT of free time. I'm also shy, introverted, physically unattractive (3-4/10) boring and lonely. I spent my whole 20s following the usual advice for self-improvement - hobbies, sports, gym, setting/achieving goals, meditation, therapy and antidepressants, but nothing really helped me build a social life.
I'm not. I'm gonna sound really pessimistic, I apologize for that. I'm a very positive person. I always smile, I always try to cheer up everyone. Right now I'm doing everything I advice people not to do.
I'm going through a rough patch, but I always keep people things will get better. I usually believe so. I try and keep busy, I don't want to let depression keep me down. But tonight I broke. Tonight I can't keep going. I'm a 24 going on 25 Female. I'm both extroverted and introverted. I love people and taking care of them. I love making people happy. I love my family and I spoil them everytime I can. I pay most stuff for them whenever it's possible. I just like it when people are happy. My life was doing okay until recently. Everything went downhill. My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl he left me for. His friends followed him because, well, they were his friends to begin with.
A while later, while coping with it, I found out my male best friend was jealous of him and had hacked into my laptop to spy on my conversations. He'd been doing so for a while, and never bothered to tell me. Then an old friend of mine, male also, told me he had to stop talking to me because he had a new girlfriend that was aware that he had feelings for me and asked him to choose between me and her. I graduated college a while after that, celebrated alone with my family and started job hunting. I still didn't find anything. I'm not doing anything all day. I live on the money I saved. I went back to my parents' house to live with them because well... I'd broken up with my bf.
And yet I always remained optimistic, as much as possible. I didn't want to dwell on those thoughts but loneliness was really hard to cope with. I mediated, exercised, but at the end of the day I didn't have anyone to text or to hang out with, and I'm not the best at finding ways to find new ways of meeting people. I hope finding a job will help, but I can't find anything. Yet I keep smiling, everyday. People tell me I'm brave and strong, and I want to believe them.
But I still cry. My heart feels empty. I'd like to believe I'm better off alone and that I don't need anyone but I do. I miss my friends, I'm sick of people leaving me. I hate spending this summer all alone. I'd love to solo travel, but I can't really afford it and to be honest, I'm a bit scared. I wouldn't know where to start, and how to organize a budget.
Guys, I don't feel depressed because I want to die. I feel depressed because I want to live so much, and I feel like I'm cursed. Everytime I made a friend in my life, I lost them, and I'm all alone. I don't talk to anyone about my little obsessions, about my favorite movies. I tried turning to my family for that. My brother and I have always been really close and I've always had his back. Last year, I paid him his dream trip. Tonight, after a week of staying on his computer with his friends, he told me he cared more about them and his girlfriend than he did me. He told me that he knew it wasn't fair, but he wouldn't change. It felt so unfair. I always helped him, I was always there for him, and hearing him willingly turning his back on me felt like too much.
So tonight, I broke. I just burst into tears. I feel so alone, and it feels really unfair. I try to bring positivity in my life everyday, I take care of the people I love. All I expect in return is respect and a bit of support. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of being abandoned by everyone, I'm sick of having to pick myself up every single time to end up being hurt more. I'm not as strong and positive as people think I am. I'm simply human, and tonight I can't pick myself up anymore. I desperately need a hug, or someone, or anything. I have nobody to call, nobody to turn to, and as much as I'd like to be independent, I'm not. I've always strived to be the best of friend, and I'm sad I don't have anyone to share this with.
I miss my old life. I feel desperate tonight. I feel broken and hopeless. I feel so lonely. I feel so lonely. I'm sorry for being overdramatic. I know it's not the end of the world. But tonight, for me, it's too much to bear. It's late, but my face is all puffy and red and I can't stop crying.
I'm sorry for writing so much. I really needed this off my chest, even if noone ever reads it. Maybe tomorrow I'll be back to my "normal" self. Tonight I just needed to say that I'm not okay and that I'm desperately lonely. Friendship is one of the best things in life, and I miss it terribly. I want to have people to go on adventures with, people I laugh to the point my stomach hurts, people whose shoulder I can cry on without fearing judgement, people that'll have my back as I'll have theirs. I just don't wanna be alone anymore. I've been alone for too long already. Thank you again. I'm sorry, I might have killed the mood tonight. I genuinely didn't expect this many reactions to my post. I woke up this morning feeling like my face had been hit by a truck from all the crying and I didn't think of checking reddit because I thought it'd sunken down in oblivion already. You guys definitely restored my faith in humanity and I wish I could all take you out to get whatever it is you love eating/drinking best. (If you guys ever are in Paris...)
So the question is, instead of fighting the loneliness, how do you embrace it and learn to enjoy, instead of being depressed about? What do you do with your spare time, if you're not into any particular hobbies, and going out alone feels weird? How do you treat yourself? What do you tell people when they ask how did you spend weekend/holiday? How did you learn to be happy being alone, even if you're lonely? Toxic/ negative people are like an anchor to you and your life will pretty much be slow torture when you’re with them.
Most people will find it easier to eventually talk to new people or to seek help but this is a lot harder to do so when you’re with toxic/ negative people for various reasons.
As hard as it is for some to leave these type of people, your life will be far better without them. I don't want to be a downer, but I really just want to talk to someone. This is going to get a bit emo, and I apologize. I turned 30 a few months ago, and up to this point I've basically just worked and had no social life at all. I've done a pretty good job of burying that and not letting it phase me. I just got a new job though and had a few days free last weekend, so I got on Tinder and actually managed to get a girl to have coffee with me. It was my first date in practically forever, and as I sat there getting to know this girl, I started to feel a sense of hope for the first time in a long time. Hope that I could actually be happy instead of just a callous husk.
Anyway, the girl later told me she decided she isn't ready to start dating again. She's going through stuff and is about to go out of town for a couple of weeks, so even if I want to try to just pursue a friendship, I'm going to have a very lonely few weeks (if she even wants to see me again after that). I don't know if it's just me but sometimes I feel like I'll end up alone. I know that my family and friends keep telling "oh dont worry , your prince charming is probably thinking the same thing and he will show up soon" but I get this feeling like it wont happen. I never had a boyfriend. Like I'm 24 now and I still dont have one. I have had crushes but that the furthest it will go. I've talk to guys before but most of them are either weird or they are creeps. I see a lot of people with who found their true love and I see it on Facebook or Instagram and I'm here like "wow must be nice" I know I shouldn't feel this way or I shouldn't feel jealous but honestly I cant help it. I've try the dating app but all these guy just want to have is one night stand and leave but I want more than that. Oh and by the way , your girl a virg and sometimes I feel embarased to tell people that. I mean when I tell a guy that he doesn't believe me or he would say "wow , a girl your age should've of done it already" and I'm like yeah you probably right but then again I am still waiting for the right person to come along and be able to just be myself. What should I do? Should I feel this way or should I do something about it. Any thoughts? I love being alone. But sometimes when I see girls with siblings and sisters their age, they spend their day with and can talk and laugh with I feel alone and sad. I don‘t really feel like needing anybody but I would feel good if I know there was someone. I do have siblings but they are all much younger, which is so sad because I feel like they all have each other, and I'm alone. Also I kinda never feel welcomed anywhere or that anyone would be looking for me in my family or friendships. Does anyone experience this too? I don‘t even know why this happens to me. I'm a decent person and sympathetic person so I'm sure it's not my character. It just makes me feel even odder and as if something is wrong with me. Their negativity, their tendency to hold on to problems, talking about people, trying to bring me down to their level by bringing up the bad things in my life, asking about all the obstacles in life instead of the short cuts. They dont dream they just go around in circles chasing their own tail. What have people in this situation done? I love being alone but I know I cant be alone all the time. I love my friends and I want the best for them but sometimes I think the best for me is to do my own thing solo until I meet people that want to live life embracing positivity and uplifting others. I try to uplift my old friends but they have way too much baggage. Any advice is appreciated. I am trying not to let it get to me, but I can feel it, just below the surface. Friends too busy, family too busy. No one to talk to, whether it's meaningless small talk or pouring my heart out. No one to come home to. Feeling that I'll always be this way, that no matter what effort I make to put myself out there, it's all in vain. How soon til this feeling goes away? At least for a little while...?
