What are the qualities of a truly good friend?
Non-judgmental. Honest. Supportive. Isn't dismissive towards things you're upset about even if they seem trivial. Someone you can joke around with.
Someone who always has your back, tells the truth about situations and just anything you ask them. only have one person from high school (in college now) that i can actually call a true friend. we have never argued once since we became friends i wanna say 6 years ago. once, i was over at his apartment complex and we were cleaning his old apartment and moving into his new apartment up the hall and he found a jacket that was his girlfriends, he told me to go and give it to his girlfriend and tell her to hang it up in her closet on the coat rack. I did exactly that, walked back to the old apartment, about 5 mins later she calls him on facebook messenger, crying telling my buddy that "i yelled at her" my buddy was like "first off, thats complete a bullshit lie, #2 even if he was mad at you for some reason, he wouldnt yell at you, thats just not who he is." it was just a big lie because she was mad that earlier that morning when she was too lazy to get herself something to eat, i offered to make her something to eat. Why she got mad at that? Who knows. Someone who listens to you, and challenges you, and has the audacity to disagree with you and to empathize with your successes.
Non-judgmental. Honest. Supportive. Isn't dismissive towards things you're upset about even if they seem trivial. Someone you can joke around with.
Someone who is truly happy when you’re happy, excited when you’re excited and sad when you’re sad. Always has your back, never judgemental. And calls your bullshit.
When you're unconscious and passed out at a party at 3 am, and that person stays with you, puts you in their car and drives you home or takes you back to their place so you can sleep it off. Also provides water, Gatorade, a bucket, and depending on the age of the person will let their parents or SO know where they are for the night. Too many guys my age are stupid and will do shit to people when they're unconscious. We look out for each other in my group.
A true friend is someone that will keep it real with you and not sugarcoat their thoughts, opinions, and advice. This person will stick up for and defend you, even when you aren't around. They are reliable, and will stick by your side even when you do something stupid. They will help you get back on your feet when you are down, and root for you to succeed. They will never criticize and/or make fun your interests, beliefs, worldview, and the kinds of guys/girls you are into.
Someone that has your back unconditionally. Someone that will defend you no matter what but later in private will tell you, you were being an ass. Someone who keeps all your secrets. Someone who always tells you the truth. Someone who loves you without conditions. Someone who looks out for your best interests. Someone who will drop whatever to stand by you if the shit hits the fan. Someone who would take a bullet for you. Someone who makes sure you're ok. Someone who knows when to comfort you. Someone who makes sure you're taking care of yourself in all ways. A bunch more but you get the point...I have like 10 of these people in my life and feel so lucky to have them...I there for them in all these ways too.
I think a real friend is someone who challenges you. Like if you are cheating on your girlfriend, they don't tell you it's wrong. They sit you down and ask you to explain yourself. They ask you if you've considered how it is affecting everyone involved. They don't make snap judgements and force their opinion down your throat. They listen and try to support you in a way that engenders trust and makes everyone happy. Maybe they find out that you're not "cheating" at all, but poly. Maybe they find out that you're cheating, but you've had a dead bedroom for 5 years, and they help you figure out how best to handle your relationship. Maybe they find out that your girlfriend cheated on you and you were feeling vulnerable and they help you talk through that.
When you're going though a rough patch and you can feel the world slowly crushing the little you have joy left. And when you think there isnt anyone who can understand what you're going though or even help you with dragging them into it. They are there for you, and not just a simple pat on the back either, they are there to listen and help you work through it till they know you're going to be strong enough to stand when they help you get you back up on your feet again. That is a true friend, because you know that they will always be there for you no matter what and you'll be there for them just the same.
Respect and support. It isn’t much, but being willing to give your time to support someone and constantly showing them respect is something you’ll only find in a great friend.
A good friend is someone that is there for you in the worst of times. Anyone can be there and celebrate with you when times are good. A true friend is there when you’re family member dies, when you go through a break up, and even when they disagree with your life choices. One more thing, a friend apologizes and forgives you.
A good friend, in my eyes, is someone that inspires you to become a better person. I want to be a good person for that person, not because I am insecure or afraid of their rejection, but because I know that I may make them happier by being happier and kinder myself. A good friend inspires good.
A good friend will be honest with you about something you need to improve in your life. A good friend doesn't secretly plot your downfall while smiling in your face. A good friend doesn't get jealous about your accomplishments posted on facebook. A good friend does their best to not lie to you.
Honesty. Honest enough to tell you the truth even when you may not want to hear it and of course honest enough to never try to mislead or deceive you. Also, loyalty. This probably should be number one. What good is a "friend" if they are not going to stick by your side through thick and thin and have your back always.
Typically a genuine personality. Someone who knows who they are, they are very confident in themselves. They don't lie, because there is no purpose in lying. Their open minded, at least a little. One of my friends is very homophobic, to the point that he's the only friend I have who doesn't know I like both sexes. But that's the only one, and he's a cool dude aside from that. I'm a very relaxed guy, I like my friends to be relaxed. I don't party hard, or do anything to crazy. I like to sit and watch tv with friends and just hang out. I don't think we need to be doing anything. Real friends can sit in the same room playing a game in complete silence for hours.
For me, a friend must be patient and understanding of where I'm coming from. Sure, common interests are nice, but they never got in the way of befriending someone. Neither does age, gender, education or whatever. If you're friendly (hehe) there's a big chance we could be friends.
I find more often than not, I make friends because of personality. There have been plenty of people with the same interests as me that I couldn't enjoy being around. My group of best friends all have different lifestyles but we enjoy eachothers' personalities.
Helping your friend be what they want to be, rather than trying to manage them. The same applies to a good romantic relationship.
In choosing friends, I think respect is one of the most important things. When you communicate, how do you feel about the way they're addressing you; are you seen and heard or dismissed? And I personally try to surround myself with people I look up to or admire in one way or another so that I'm naturally being lifted up and have good examples of the qualities I want to see in myself as I grow. One small example is that I wanted to try amping up my gym routine and I knew this other girl that loved to lift so I asked to join her in a workout session. As for how I practice being a good friend, it'll sound cliche but listening is key. It's really important when you remember people's names, so you can say hello to them intentionally when you see them. Also if i talk about something they're stressing over like an upcoming exam, if I remember i'll reach out and send them best wishes. I find that the little things add up. And if/when friends confide in you or bring troubles to you, asking if they actually want advice or just room to vent is a good way to support others the way they need. My biggest thing at the end of the day is that I don't have social media so I have to be intentional and text or call friends to check up on them or send them a meme etc or just let them know I'm thinking of them and it goes a long way.
I don't really think there is one good way to be a good friend and that's where the issue lies. You and your friends have to figure out what a good friend is to you, because it won't be the same for everyone else, though some things are basic. Like, it depends on how often you both want to communicate or if you'll help the through an issue or be the type who wont answer their phone if they sense some drama or respect or loyalty. You have to figure out what makes a good friend for you, then be it and expect it from others; everyone won't be your friend, though. Like, I have one actual friend, everyone else is an acquaintance.
I’ve only ever had good relationships with men (probably cuz they were attracted to me) and gay men. I’ve tried to make friendships with women, but my therapist says because of the issues I have with my mother, it’s hard for me to trust women. Which is true. The women I’ve come across in my older years (I’m 31) all seem to want something to benefit themselves (especially since I live in Los Angeles) I have a dry sense of humor and I’m finding a lot of ladies cannot keep up with my joking and sarcasm so I get bored. I think I make a great friend though. I’m the childless mother type of person. (My therapist says it’s because I’m making up for what I didn’t have with my mother) I love taking care of people, giving advice to people and sharing my thoughts and having true intellectual conversations with people. I haven’t found that in a lot of women. I haven’t found that connection. I think my ideal friend would be someone i genuinely feel comfortable opening up to when i want to even if we have different opinions, we make it known that our perspectives are valid yet we share similar moral codes. Someone i can chill with in silence or go on big adventure with. Someone who i can push to succeed without them trying to turn it into an argument and someone who pushes me to succeed without feeling attacked. I think we would be open to trying new things together and making experiences. It doesn't feel like they are always doing all the talking, it is a two way street at all times.
But everyone's ideal friend will be different of course. Some people want a friend to argue with, someone who just accepts their flaws maybe because everyone else puts pressure on them to change, a person to sit and do absolutely nothing with or do absolutely everything with no breaks. Some people don't want to talk about feelings at all. Even I don't like talking about my feelings a lot, so when I get a friend that is constantly trying to get me to talk about it just to help psycho analyze me it gets annoying, but some people like hearing a new perspective on their life.
As someone who is currently navigating life and understanding what friendships could be, I would consider a genuine friend someone that I can let my walls down with, that I would unwillingly offer the shirt off my back, the time from my clock, while understanding through action and words that the feeling is mutual.
I think the issue with me is I don't really know who is a true friend until things go bad. The thing is, if that rarely happens, you don't really know who is tried and true, you know? Same for a romantic partner. The true test is when your relationship is hit with a storm. Are you still whole once the tribulation has passed?
I also feel like connecting as an adult can be difficult, too. I notice people place hierarchies on their friends (best friend, etc) and I just think I want to have close friends. I don't have a best friend, I'd rather have a cohort of friends that I can tell my faults too. As far as who those are.. I'm only comfortable opening up to a few. Truly opening up. Talking about things that make me deeply uncomfortable. I found someone here that I believe would truly make a great friend, and they always reach out, but I wonder if that trust/ability to lean on me is mutual. I overthink things. I need to just take her at face value, honestly. Basically, I just pick my friends by comfort-ability and honesty. Are they true? Will their comments/actions make me a better person? Do I feel as though I can open up to them? If they are those things, they have a potential to be a great friend. As far as whether or not it builds to something like that, well..
Did you have any close friends as a kid? I feel like the most important aspects of friendship are the same ones you have/learn as a kid. Nobody teaches you. You meet someone, you just like something about them and they like something about you ( that part can’t really be explained), so you spend time together & get to know one another,, you’re honest to each other (as kids you tell each other secrets, As adults you open up abt personal issues, etc...) you accept one another for who they/you are and navigate life together with respect for the other person. Friendship is about honesty & trust. It’s pretty simple, that’s why I think books aren’t written about it because it’s usually pretty organic and humans are social creatures so it’s natural. Romantic relationships are much more complex and have a ton of pressure behind them that friendships usually don’t. The only reason I think some people have issues with it is because they’re too insecure to allow themselves to be vulnerable and let others in. That’s not society though, tons of people out here have friends, I’ve always been someone with close friends, like the cliche person who can’t be single lol. But like any relationship, it can’t be forced or it won’t be genuine.
If I had one, I’d tell you. Seriously, you reach a certain point in your life where the only things friends are good for is letting you down.
Someone who really doesn't care about how you're doing today, they'll spend time with you whenever, and will be there for you no matter what you're going though. Found this out practically the other day. Selflessness. The same can be applied to marriage. If you're looking out for others first above your own interests, then it's going to be a wonderful friendship/relationship.
A good friend is willing to help you as much as you are willing to help you friend, so there is balance. A friend is empathetic towards you and may go out of their way to help you when in time of need. They also should be good listeners.
Always believing in the best of you, no matter what. It makes you aspire to be the person your best friend sees.
Someone who I can go weeks, months, or years without seeing - yet when we finally do meet again, there is no reproach or awkwardness, and it's like hardly any time has passed at all.
To me, a good friend is anyone who is willing to put in a comparable amount of time and effort that I put in. Reciprocity is important for a good friendship, in my opinion.
Someone who always has your back, tells the truth about situations and just anything you ask them. only have one person from high school (in college now) that i can actually call a true friend. we have never argued once since we became friends i wanna say 6 years ago. once, i was over at his apartment complex and we were cleaning his old apartment and moving into his new apartment up the hall and he found a jacket that was his girlfriends, he told me to go and give it to his girlfriend and tell her to hang it up in her closet on the coat rack. I did exactly that, walked back to the old apartment, about 5 mins later she calls him on facebook messenger, crying telling my buddy that "i yelled at her" my buddy was like "first off, thats complete a bullshit lie, #2 even if he was mad at you for some reason, he wouldnt yell at you, thats just not who he is." it was just a big lie because she was mad that earlier that morning when she was too lazy to get herself something to eat, i offered to make her something to eat. Why she got mad at that? Who knows. Someone who listens to you, and challenges you, and has the audacity to disagree with you and to empathize with your successes.
Non-judgmental. Honest. Supportive. Isn't dismissive towards things you're upset about even if they seem trivial. Someone you can joke around with.
Someone who is truly happy when you’re happy, excited when you’re excited and sad when you’re sad. Always has your back, never judgemental. And calls your bullshit.
When you're unconscious and passed out at a party at 3 am, and that person stays with you, puts you in their car and drives you home or takes you back to their place so you can sleep it off. Also provides water, Gatorade, a bucket, and depending on the age of the person will let their parents or SO know where they are for the night. Too many guys my age are stupid and will do shit to people when they're unconscious. We look out for each other in my group.
A true friend is someone that will keep it real with you and not sugarcoat their thoughts, opinions, and advice. This person will stick up for and defend you, even when you aren't around. They are reliable, and will stick by your side even when you do something stupid. They will help you get back on your feet when you are down, and root for you to succeed. They will never criticize and/or make fun your interests, beliefs, worldview, and the kinds of guys/girls you are into.
Someone that has your back unconditionally. Someone that will defend you no matter what but later in private will tell you, you were being an ass. Someone who keeps all your secrets. Someone who always tells you the truth. Someone who loves you without conditions. Someone who looks out for your best interests. Someone who will drop whatever to stand by you if the shit hits the fan. Someone who would take a bullet for you. Someone who makes sure you're ok. Someone who knows when to comfort you. Someone who makes sure you're taking care of yourself in all ways. A bunch more but you get the point...I have like 10 of these people in my life and feel so lucky to have them...I there for them in all these ways too.
I think a real friend is someone who challenges you. Like if you are cheating on your girlfriend, they don't tell you it's wrong. They sit you down and ask you to explain yourself. They ask you if you've considered how it is affecting everyone involved. They don't make snap judgements and force their opinion down your throat. They listen and try to support you in a way that engenders trust and makes everyone happy. Maybe they find out that you're not "cheating" at all, but poly. Maybe they find out that you're cheating, but you've had a dead bedroom for 5 years, and they help you figure out how best to handle your relationship. Maybe they find out that your girlfriend cheated on you and you were feeling vulnerable and they help you talk through that.
When you're going though a rough patch and you can feel the world slowly crushing the little you have joy left. And when you think there isnt anyone who can understand what you're going though or even help you with dragging them into it. They are there for you, and not just a simple pat on the back either, they are there to listen and help you work through it till they know you're going to be strong enough to stand when they help you get you back up on your feet again. That is a true friend, because you know that they will always be there for you no matter what and you'll be there for them just the same.
Respect and support. It isn’t much, but being willing to give your time to support someone and constantly showing them respect is something you’ll only find in a great friend.
A good friend is someone that is there for you in the worst of times. Anyone can be there and celebrate with you when times are good. A true friend is there when you’re family member dies, when you go through a break up, and even when they disagree with your life choices. One more thing, a friend apologizes and forgives you.
A good friend, in my eyes, is someone that inspires you to become a better person. I want to be a good person for that person, not because I am insecure or afraid of their rejection, but because I know that I may make them happier by being happier and kinder myself. A good friend inspires good.
A good friend will be honest with you about something you need to improve in your life. A good friend doesn't secretly plot your downfall while smiling in your face. A good friend doesn't get jealous about your accomplishments posted on facebook. A good friend does their best to not lie to you.
Honesty. Honest enough to tell you the truth even when you may not want to hear it and of course honest enough to never try to mislead or deceive you. Also, loyalty. This probably should be number one. What good is a "friend" if they are not going to stick by your side through thick and thin and have your back always.
Typically a genuine personality. Someone who knows who they are, they are very confident in themselves. They don't lie, because there is no purpose in lying. Their open minded, at least a little. One of my friends is very homophobic, to the point that he's the only friend I have who doesn't know I like both sexes. But that's the only one, and he's a cool dude aside from that. I'm a very relaxed guy, I like my friends to be relaxed. I don't party hard, or do anything to crazy. I like to sit and watch tv with friends and just hang out. I don't think we need to be doing anything. Real friends can sit in the same room playing a game in complete silence for hours.
For me, a friend must be patient and understanding of where I'm coming from. Sure, common interests are nice, but they never got in the way of befriending someone. Neither does age, gender, education or whatever. If you're friendly (hehe) there's a big chance we could be friends.
I find more often than not, I make friends because of personality. There have been plenty of people with the same interests as me that I couldn't enjoy being around. My group of best friends all have different lifestyles but we enjoy eachothers' personalities.
Helping your friend be what they want to be, rather than trying to manage them. The same applies to a good romantic relationship.
In choosing friends, I think respect is one of the most important things. When you communicate, how do you feel about the way they're addressing you; are you seen and heard or dismissed? And I personally try to surround myself with people I look up to or admire in one way or another so that I'm naturally being lifted up and have good examples of the qualities I want to see in myself as I grow. One small example is that I wanted to try amping up my gym routine and I knew this other girl that loved to lift so I asked to join her in a workout session. As for how I practice being a good friend, it'll sound cliche but listening is key. It's really important when you remember people's names, so you can say hello to them intentionally when you see them. Also if i talk about something they're stressing over like an upcoming exam, if I remember i'll reach out and send them best wishes. I find that the little things add up. And if/when friends confide in you or bring troubles to you, asking if they actually want advice or just room to vent is a good way to support others the way they need. My biggest thing at the end of the day is that I don't have social media so I have to be intentional and text or call friends to check up on them or send them a meme etc or just let them know I'm thinking of them and it goes a long way.
I don't really think there is one good way to be a good friend and that's where the issue lies. You and your friends have to figure out what a good friend is to you, because it won't be the same for everyone else, though some things are basic. Like, it depends on how often you both want to communicate or if you'll help the through an issue or be the type who wont answer their phone if they sense some drama or respect or loyalty. You have to figure out what makes a good friend for you, then be it and expect it from others; everyone won't be your friend, though. Like, I have one actual friend, everyone else is an acquaintance.
I’ve only ever had good relationships with men (probably cuz they were attracted to me) and gay men. I’ve tried to make friendships with women, but my therapist says because of the issues I have with my mother, it’s hard for me to trust women. Which is true. The women I’ve come across in my older years (I’m 31) all seem to want something to benefit themselves (especially since I live in Los Angeles) I have a dry sense of humor and I’m finding a lot of ladies cannot keep up with my joking and sarcasm so I get bored. I think I make a great friend though. I’m the childless mother type of person. (My therapist says it’s because I’m making up for what I didn’t have with my mother) I love taking care of people, giving advice to people and sharing my thoughts and having true intellectual conversations with people. I haven’t found that in a lot of women. I haven’t found that connection. I think my ideal friend would be someone i genuinely feel comfortable opening up to when i want to even if we have different opinions, we make it known that our perspectives are valid yet we share similar moral codes. Someone i can chill with in silence or go on big adventure with. Someone who i can push to succeed without them trying to turn it into an argument and someone who pushes me to succeed without feeling attacked. I think we would be open to trying new things together and making experiences. It doesn't feel like they are always doing all the talking, it is a two way street at all times.
But everyone's ideal friend will be different of course. Some people want a friend to argue with, someone who just accepts their flaws maybe because everyone else puts pressure on them to change, a person to sit and do absolutely nothing with or do absolutely everything with no breaks. Some people don't want to talk about feelings at all. Even I don't like talking about my feelings a lot, so when I get a friend that is constantly trying to get me to talk about it just to help psycho analyze me it gets annoying, but some people like hearing a new perspective on their life.
As someone who is currently navigating life and understanding what friendships could be, I would consider a genuine friend someone that I can let my walls down with, that I would unwillingly offer the shirt off my back, the time from my clock, while understanding through action and words that the feeling is mutual.
I think the issue with me is I don't really know who is a true friend until things go bad. The thing is, if that rarely happens, you don't really know who is tried and true, you know? Same for a romantic partner. The true test is when your relationship is hit with a storm. Are you still whole once the tribulation has passed?
I also feel like connecting as an adult can be difficult, too. I notice people place hierarchies on their friends (best friend, etc) and I just think I want to have close friends. I don't have a best friend, I'd rather have a cohort of friends that I can tell my faults too. As far as who those are.. I'm only comfortable opening up to a few. Truly opening up. Talking about things that make me deeply uncomfortable. I found someone here that I believe would truly make a great friend, and they always reach out, but I wonder if that trust/ability to lean on me is mutual. I overthink things. I need to just take her at face value, honestly. Basically, I just pick my friends by comfort-ability and honesty. Are they true? Will their comments/actions make me a better person? Do I feel as though I can open up to them? If they are those things, they have a potential to be a great friend. As far as whether or not it builds to something like that, well..
Did you have any close friends as a kid? I feel like the most important aspects of friendship are the same ones you have/learn as a kid. Nobody teaches you. You meet someone, you just like something about them and they like something about you ( that part can’t really be explained), so you spend time together & get to know one another,, you’re honest to each other (as kids you tell each other secrets, As adults you open up abt personal issues, etc...) you accept one another for who they/you are and navigate life together with respect for the other person. Friendship is about honesty & trust. It’s pretty simple, that’s why I think books aren’t written about it because it’s usually pretty organic and humans are social creatures so it’s natural. Romantic relationships are much more complex and have a ton of pressure behind them that friendships usually don’t. The only reason I think some people have issues with it is because they’re too insecure to allow themselves to be vulnerable and let others in. That’s not society though, tons of people out here have friends, I’ve always been someone with close friends, like the cliche person who can’t be single lol. But like any relationship, it can’t be forced or it won’t be genuine.
If I had one, I’d tell you. Seriously, you reach a certain point in your life where the only things friends are good for is letting you down.
Someone who really doesn't care about how you're doing today, they'll spend time with you whenever, and will be there for you no matter what you're going though. Found this out practically the other day. Selflessness. The same can be applied to marriage. If you're looking out for others first above your own interests, then it's going to be a wonderful friendship/relationship.
A good friend is willing to help you as much as you are willing to help you friend, so there is balance. A friend is empathetic towards you and may go out of their way to help you when in time of need. They also should be good listeners.
Always believing in the best of you, no matter what. It makes you aspire to be the person your best friend sees.
Someone who I can go weeks, months, or years without seeing - yet when we finally do meet again, there is no reproach or awkwardness, and it's like hardly any time has passed at all.
To me, a good friend is anyone who is willing to put in a comparable amount of time and effort that I put in. Reciprocity is important for a good friendship, in my opinion.
