I'm so stupid, and I don't deserve friends

Everytime I play a shooter game or any game that shows how stupid and unskilled I am I get so anxious I freakout
I played a Roblox shooter game with my friends and I asked them multiple times if the wanted to keep playing and "how long are going to play for?" BC I didn't want to ring their fun
I get so anxious I get shaky
I start crying and I hate myself
I hate being so shitty
I hate how they see me being so ass
And I just feel like I do nothing but cause problems
I hate it
I don't want to be the person who just whines about everything and anything
I wish I never felt like this
I wish I was better

I ended up going afk for a bit where I just stayed on the sofa and petted my dog before coming back
Then I started to feel freaked out again but even worse
So I ended up just disconnecting my WiFi
And now I'm sitting here
Hating myself for being so weak
Hating everything about me
And just
Wishing I was dead
I feel so shitty
I don't know

Idfkanymorelol

Honestly, real. Whenever I get put into stressful situations in shooter/pvp games, I end up panicking hard (unless it's me against a friend) cus I always feel like I'll let down whoever I'm playing with, because I.. honestly suck ass at pvp in most games and die in my first fight or two and end up going nonverbal when I do inevitably die and get stressed tf out

As for any advice.. idk, if you enjoy playing shooter games, then keep playing ig.. but if you don't, then maybe tell your friends about it and how it makes you feel, and (if your friends are good friends atleast) then they'll understand and opt to play something less stressful and pressuring for you :>

Magicianzini · M

You have to just jump into not gaf. I'm serious. This is what you need to do.

Remember you can always just not go back if you mess it all up that bad but in the meantime just jump in and let care go to the wind.

Don't gaf, try it.

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

Give yourself some space. It takes time to get over anxieties.

The more you deal with them the less stressful they become little bit by little bit.

You might not even notice the difference.