There is this point in the decline of the mind, as I have witnessed more than a few times, where all the shadows come out.

All the hidden iniquity, narcissism, jealousy, manipulation, all the "negative" things you'd never allow space for so you could pretend they weren't a part of you, are free. There's no more ego to protect how you want to appear. There's no boundaries to guard anyone from your unhealed parts that you project onto others.

You are a nightmare.

Your mind, lived in a dream, seeks the balance it was never allowed.

And it is not pretty.

It will hurt your loved ones. It will leave an unforgettable unpleasant feeling within every memory of you.

I think this is where dementia starts. You purge yourself of your truth. In my experiences with it, it has been unpleasant. Then they all seem to slip into another world. Fragments of themselves bouncing around but trapped inside.

Whether mental health plays a role, or I have simply been witness to people with dementia who struggled with mental health, it very much makes me want to take care of my mind.

The work I do now, while difficult and apparently not for me, at least helps me understand what happened to my mom. It's closure. It's one of those good ugly things.