This comment is a bit on the later side, but wtf. i am a bit lost. first of all! You dont deserve this and all of this is happening bc she cheated on YOU, multiple times. She is like a super manipulative using your fear of loss and depression for her advantage or something. Relationship is for the benefit of both parties and if you suffer in a relationship you should leave it. (that might have been a bit too obvious but i hope you knnow what i mean). You sound young so i hope you would be patient bc you can find the right person and not suffer in this depressing and abusive relationship.

in the end it is up to you what do you want to do. I just hope youll find happiness and stand up for yourself a little more

ps. (also trying to fish reactions with threats of self harm is quite baad, but i get the feeling)