What you're doing isn't healthy or productive. Get off the cross,you're not Jesus. You don't have to suffer for other people's pain. It's not your job or responsibility to heal other people's trauma and take care of their mental health. How are you supposed to help other people when you're failing to prioritise your own mental health? Why are you using other people as an excuse to avoid taking care of your own mental health? If you don't want to burden other people with your problems because they're in a mentally fragile place then why aren't you protecting yourself the same way you're trying to protect them? No really,think about it, if being a good friend means not burdening a friend who is in a terrible place with your problems, why aren't they doing that to you? Is it because they are bad friends who don't reciprocate the love you give them OR are they good friends who don't get a chance to help you because you refuse to let anyone in?
You have a very kind,loving and nurturing heart for everyone except yourself. There is a fine line between being a helpful friend and being used. There's a difference between being valued and being convenient. When you're valued people will treat you with love and reciprocation. When you are convenient they only reach out when they're down because they know you'll always be there for them even if they mistreat you. To them you're not a good friend,you're an emotional support animal.
You need to take care of yourself because you matter. You need to make yourself and your health your first priority. Lastly you need to give your friends a chance to reciprocate the love and support you give them by communicating that you need it. If you killed yourself and I were your friend I'd be crushed to know that you were suffering in silence when I could've helped you. I'd blame myself for focusing on my own problems when in reality I did ask you how you were doing,you just didn't let me in. I wasn't your friend,I was a patient while you played psychologist/maytr. People who truly love you will care about you.
YOU MATTER!
YOU DESERVE SUPPORT!
YOU DESERVE TO GIVE YOURSELF THE LOVE YOU GIVE OTHERS!
