Just venting

Idk if im well or not, sometimes im happy, sometimes i feel a deep pain in my chest... well most of the time its like that.., my body gives me signs that im unwell but i dont care.. i dont eat, dont sleep well, havent been organized for months and cant do it either because I lack motivation, I dont know if I really want to study anymore.. im feeling dead inside, cant manage to even get out of bed, cant walk without feeling sick, I feel like the world just keeps going and im left behind and im scared that people around me might stop caring about me or will leave me.. i complety feel like dying, Im not good at anything and my life feels depressing, i feel like my family hates me each day.. i feel like im loosing time but i dont know what im loosing it for because i dont know what to do with it, I want to start again but i dont know how, I want to live but I feel like i already did and just want to leave.. i dont know how to have the courage of doing things or motivate myself to do them, i feel like crying each night and cant sleep until its 9am and then wake up at 6pm and dissapoint everybody.. my family tells me im good for nothing, that im not going anywhere with this kind of life, that im a lazzy fuck, they keep comparing me to other people and it sucks but they are right, I feel like a nobody and accept that im a nobody because i dont know how to change that and I want to choke in my tears everynight and want to pass out so that i feel like I care to anybody here... someone tries there best to motivate me and i feel like shit because no matter what they say I cant go even a step forward.. I take even more steps behind..