I need help.
Want to say sorry for making it long. I just haven't talk to anyone about my feelings for so long. It's also my first time using this website.
I have isolated myself right after School break started. I hate summer. I don't want people to look as i walk with a shorts that they can see my stretch marks. I don't want to wear a shirt showing my arms. (I don't have cuts but i hate the hair on them, parent's say it's not the best thing to shave arms.) I would gladly wear a hoodie and sweat in it. But i will just look stupid. I don't want to look at other girls and see their perfect summer body, walking in tight stuff. My waist is just made out of fat. It doesn't help that my legs go double the size when i sit down too. I have problems. Many. I feel like noone is here to help. I act as if I'm fine but im reality I'm stuck in my bed unable to move an inch just rot. I feel weak. After all that pent up emotions Jealousy, Anger, Sadness, Anxiety. they are Spilling out. 2-1 days ago at night I cried out for hours silently. Hoping someone can save me. I felt nothing all whole month and weeks. Just to feel so much. And it doesn't seem to end any time soon. I'm tired of crying. I want to calm down not to have those puffy red eyes. For atleast half a day. I want to enjoy life again. But all of my passions seem so boring now. I still have the ability and motivation to draw something. But I don't even know if it's worth the time. I hate my art sometimes too, like it will just always suck. I want my art to be good like everyone else's. Match their level. I don't want to be too good for some people nor do i want to be too bad. But why does it matter. I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm just a loner. A sore loser that has isolated herself now shattered into pieces. I broke out to one of the specialist because of my body. Next day it was to my art therapist that i rarely go to even. Cried in front of them. Felt so weak. The other girls we're looking at me. I felt like i did a bad thing. Today my mother took me on a trip. It was exhausting. I never wanted to go. But she forced me. I was all annoyed and angered i always do that when they force me to go somewhere with them. Later my mom snapped at me while i was waiting for my food that i am ungrateful and spoiled when in reality I'm just acting bad just for today. I started to tear up and cry she called me an attention seeker. And she stopped talking when the waiter came with the food. The day has been wild indeed now I'm just crying to a song and writing this too. I'm very Sensitive these days like if someone would say "do you need a hug." I would crash into that hug and cry my whole sanity out. But I'm hoping someone here will help since I actually still want to live and achieve something in life.
Want to again apologize for making it long. You can ask me questions. I re-read this thing a few times myself just to check for spelling mistakes and to add "and" and other stuff. Thank you if you made it this far.
I have isolated myself right after School break started. I hate summer. I don't want people to look as i walk with a shorts that they can see my stretch marks. I don't want to wear a shirt showing my arms. (I don't have cuts but i hate the hair on them, parent's say it's not the best thing to shave arms.) I would gladly wear a hoodie and sweat in it. But i will just look stupid. I don't want to look at other girls and see their perfect summer body, walking in tight stuff. My waist is just made out of fat. It doesn't help that my legs go double the size when i sit down too. I have problems. Many. I feel like noone is here to help. I act as if I'm fine but im reality I'm stuck in my bed unable to move an inch just rot. I feel weak. After all that pent up emotions Jealousy, Anger, Sadness, Anxiety. they are Spilling out. 2-1 days ago at night I cried out for hours silently. Hoping someone can save me. I felt nothing all whole month and weeks. Just to feel so much. And it doesn't seem to end any time soon. I'm tired of crying. I want to calm down not to have those puffy red eyes. For atleast half a day. I want to enjoy life again. But all of my passions seem so boring now. I still have the ability and motivation to draw something. But I don't even know if it's worth the time. I hate my art sometimes too, like it will just always suck. I want my art to be good like everyone else's. Match their level. I don't want to be too good for some people nor do i want to be too bad. But why does it matter. I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm just a loner. A sore loser that has isolated herself now shattered into pieces. I broke out to one of the specialist because of my body. Next day it was to my art therapist that i rarely go to even. Cried in front of them. Felt so weak. The other girls we're looking at me. I felt like i did a bad thing. Today my mother took me on a trip. It was exhausting. I never wanted to go. But she forced me. I was all annoyed and angered i always do that when they force me to go somewhere with them. Later my mom snapped at me while i was waiting for my food that i am ungrateful and spoiled when in reality I'm just acting bad just for today. I started to tear up and cry she called me an attention seeker. And she stopped talking when the waiter came with the food. The day has been wild indeed now I'm just crying to a song and writing this too. I'm very Sensitive these days like if someone would say "do you need a hug." I would crash into that hug and cry my whole sanity out. But I'm hoping someone here will help since I actually still want to live and achieve something in life.
Want to again apologize for making it long. You can ask me questions. I re-read this thing a few times myself just to check for spelling mistakes and to add "and" and other stuff. Thank you if you made it this far.
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