I don't know what I'm going to do.
Since the end of last year I decided that I'm going to put my mind on getting a job as a programmer, since I'm very close to finishing my degree. I figured it wouldn't be that hard to just start applying for internships or entry level positions and start getting some real world experience. Little did I know how wrong I was. I've been applying fruitlessly since January and so far there has been no light at the end of the tunnel.
I've been trying to, in the mean time, tackle some personal projects, like making a portfolio website. Truth is when I started working on it I knew jack shit about web dev. Just a little HTML, CSS and JavaScript. And while I can recognise I've come a long way, I very clearly see that I have an even longer way to go. I can't help but question my aptitude as a programmer in the midst of all this. I'm not particularly smart, I'm scatter brained and forgetful. I've always been kinda slow with math and I'm not much better at problem solving.
I've been trying my best to code as much as I can tolerate. Even if it's just a little every day, but I still feel like I'm behind the majority of people in the job market.
I feel like I'm failing. Like I'm grasping at starws. Like I'm watching the life I thought I would have slip away bit by bit. I'm 25. I'm broke. I live with my dad. Sure I work, but it pays really bad.
If I can't make this programming thing work out, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Somtimes I just feel like none of this is worth the effort tbh.
I've talked about all this so much. To the poeple around me I must sound like a broken record. But i can't shake this feelings of dread and doom surrounding this whole thing. It keeps me up at night. It makes me want to scream sometimes.
I'm so tiered of feeling like this. Why can't somthing, just this one thing, just work out for once.
I've been trying to, in the mean time, tackle some personal projects, like making a portfolio website. Truth is when I started working on it I knew jack shit about web dev. Just a little HTML, CSS and JavaScript. And while I can recognise I've come a long way, I very clearly see that I have an even longer way to go. I can't help but question my aptitude as a programmer in the midst of all this. I'm not particularly smart, I'm scatter brained and forgetful. I've always been kinda slow with math and I'm not much better at problem solving.
I've been trying my best to code as much as I can tolerate. Even if it's just a little every day, but I still feel like I'm behind the majority of people in the job market.
I feel like I'm failing. Like I'm grasping at starws. Like I'm watching the life I thought I would have slip away bit by bit. I'm 25. I'm broke. I live with my dad. Sure I work, but it pays really bad.
If I can't make this programming thing work out, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Somtimes I just feel like none of this is worth the effort tbh.
I've talked about all this so much. To the poeple around me I must sound like a broken record. But i can't shake this feelings of dread and doom surrounding this whole thing. It keeps me up at night. It makes me want to scream sometimes.
I'm so tiered of feeling like this. Why can't somthing, just this one thing, just work out for once.
