Numb, tired and exhausted

I hate how my mom always traumadumps. She ruins my good mood and makes me miserable. I am so sick of being an unpaid therapist to her ever since my childhood and holding space. I am tired and exhausted. I want to run away and abandon her. I am sick of being forced into this role of her rescuer and now I have started to resent her. I dont want to stay with her. I dont want to hear how horrible her life is anymore. I just want to go away- somewhere far away where she wont be able to follow me. But now even that seems bleak. I just don't want to stay with her anymore. I wish i could just escape- but knowing how dangerous the world is for women, I can't even do that. I am going crazy with her constant trauma dumping. I dont want to listen to her problems anymore, i dont want to be emotionally available for her anymore, i dont want to be around her anymore. I want to smile, breathe and laugh. I am the happiest when she's away. I wish I could just move away to another country for my PhD and just settle there. I want to be free. I am burnt out. I dont have the time to give efforts for anyone, because i am drained handling her. Yeah that was my rant. You are a hero if you made it so far