im still the kid i was before.

I guess im still the kid i was before inviting everyone in my class to my birthday party and ends up locking myself in my room trying to sleep and not think about it because no one came but inside was just the little me waiting for someone to come and staying up late and checking my window every minute. just like me now, having a panic attack infront of the class because i had to deliver a speech and im so socially anxious my body starts shaking and i couldnt breath but when i sat down i was still shaking but no one asked if i was okay but they already knew i wasnt and i ended up waiting, once again. until now, i wait very patiently, i wait and wait and wait, because in this life, all the people i thought would come didnt ended up coming. i knew that, but i expected it would be different this time. i knew that, but it still hurts. im just the little girl i was before. maybe in another life, someone will come to me with open arms without me having to feel like im begging for it. "but why not this life?" im so pathetic, like the little match girl.