ignore this post.
js doing this to get my feelings out so i don’t bother trying to message him bc im upset and i miss him. he’s blocked me again n im always the first to chase him. i can’t let myself do that anymore. i’m so tired of chasing, catching, releasing.
i hope he sees these posts one day n realizes how much he’s hurt me. i hope he realizes that all i’ve ever wanted was to love n cherish everything i could with him. to love him with my entire heart in which i sadly do. and i do not know how to make it go away, i wish i had aspd atp so i could js not feel anything abt this. i know thats ableist to say but, man. i wish someone could understand why i would say that. i wanna js not care, i wanna be able to js forget it n move on js like he does bc he has aspd. i wish i could js stop loving him like he stops loving me. i wish i could js block him like he blocks me, or insult him back when he shames me, when he insults me, when he puts me down. but i love him too much to ever wanna hurt him in any possible way. why is it so much to ask for that in return. why can’t he js change n get better for me like i always do for him, he was my world. and now he’s js gone?? how can he tell me he wants a life without me when he once told me he’d rather die than live without me. that he’d always come back to me bc im his world and he was mine?? why do men make so many empty hearted promises that always leave me in this state of denial bc idk what else to do but cling onto the fact that they once loved me. or i thought they did. i hate love, why can’t anyone js stay n try to understand why i am the way i am. why can’t anyone love the way i look?? maybe i am as ugly as my most recent partner said i am. but idk how to be any prettier, im not good with makeup i’ve never used it. i has a masculine face n i hate it. everyone always tells me id look better as a male. but i wanna be pretty.
sometimes, i wonder if anyone would miss me if i js decided to kill my self one day.
i miss being loved
i miss being seen
being heard.
i wish there was a boy my age, or even a bit older. that could js love me the way i’ve begged to be loved since i was 12. bc now im 19 crying over a boy that clearly doesn’t even give a shit abt me enough to even try to work with me through relationship issues n js keeps leaving me. why did he have to be my first love. i wish i never met him.
sorry for blabbering. i’m so tired of everything n i js wanna curl up into a ball n die. i can’t stand this anymore n idk what else to do besides cry. this hurts so bad that its hard to breathe. my chest hurts. my eyes burn. n i js feel lost, i gave him so much of myself, i’ve never given anyone as much as i’ve given him. how can he js leave like that? i wish i could be loved.
i hope he sees these posts one day n realizes how much he’s hurt me. i hope he realizes that all i’ve ever wanted was to love n cherish everything i could with him. to love him with my entire heart in which i sadly do. and i do not know how to make it go away, i wish i had aspd atp so i could js not feel anything abt this. i know thats ableist to say but, man. i wish someone could understand why i would say that. i wanna js not care, i wanna be able to js forget it n move on js like he does bc he has aspd. i wish i could js stop loving him like he stops loving me. i wish i could js block him like he blocks me, or insult him back when he shames me, when he insults me, when he puts me down. but i love him too much to ever wanna hurt him in any possible way. why is it so much to ask for that in return. why can’t he js change n get better for me like i always do for him, he was my world. and now he’s js gone?? how can he tell me he wants a life without me when he once told me he’d rather die than live without me. that he’d always come back to me bc im his world and he was mine?? why do men make so many empty hearted promises that always leave me in this state of denial bc idk what else to do but cling onto the fact that they once loved me. or i thought they did. i hate love, why can’t anyone js stay n try to understand why i am the way i am. why can’t anyone love the way i look?? maybe i am as ugly as my most recent partner said i am. but idk how to be any prettier, im not good with makeup i’ve never used it. i has a masculine face n i hate it. everyone always tells me id look better as a male. but i wanna be pretty.
sometimes, i wonder if anyone would miss me if i js decided to kill my self one day.
i miss being loved
i miss being seen
being heard.
i wish there was a boy my age, or even a bit older. that could js love me the way i’ve begged to be loved since i was 12. bc now im 19 crying over a boy that clearly doesn’t even give a shit abt me enough to even try to work with me through relationship issues n js keeps leaving me. why did he have to be my first love. i wish i never met him.
sorry for blabbering. i’m so tired of everything n i js wanna curl up into a ball n die. i can’t stand this anymore n idk what else to do besides cry. this hurts so bad that its hard to breathe. my chest hurts. my eyes burn. n i js feel lost, i gave him so much of myself, i’ve never given anyone as much as i’ve given him. how can he js leave like that? i wish i could be loved.
