Addressing my childhood memories that bring me shame...and trying to process them

Ever since i remember i have always been a docile kid . I have always wanted to please people in authority positions for no reason at all. It might have to do something with the way i was raised or the values my parents instilled in me. I remember feeling so ashamed and embarrassed when they seem even a tad bit disappointed in me. Even now as i am in collage , nothing seems to have changed. I still remember everything so clearly and suddenly i hate myself. I am trying the self love method everyone has been raving about but its clearly not working . Honestly now that i write about what i am feeling its easier to forgive myself now . I don't fully accept myself but for some reason articulating it in this way gives me time and i have improved so much from that time . I may have acted spoiled at times, but aren't kids always a bit dumb . Honestly what gives anyone the right to humiliate a kid . I have never been perfect but i am done hanging my head for something that i do not have any control over . It was embarrassing, so what ? . I still am gonna do worse stuff in life. The shame washes over me at times but i think journaling about it is the only way to reduce the intensity . I have certain good qualities that only i can provide. I have also really embarrassed about not really being tech stuff , i was never that interested or i dint have parents who were good at it . I also was never raised in the city so i do get embarrassed about certain stuff but is it really that bad? I can always improve myself and learn stuff . I might suck at it but is that really that bad . Anyways this was one of the past memories that always haunted me but i feel like i am letting it go. The rest , ill deal with when the time comes . I cant believe this journaling thing actually works . I always felt it was very tedious .