Empty?? Idk

Hihi!!! This is just smth new im trying out. I have a feeling I’m either going to delete this, or stop using it though. I’ve always been opposed to venting or sharing how I feel because I always remind myself that at the end of the day, everyone is dealing with their own struggles and nobody really has to care. That is why one of my main forms of dealing with this is by talking to myself excessively. (I promise I’m not crazy lmao). Life really is something though. One moment you’re following a routine, and then a curveball is thrown in the mix and blows everything out of proportion. I’m not used to sharing how I feel but I just wanted to try this for a change. I’m the youngest of four siblings. I have very hardworking parents but I have a feeling their health is declining due to age. My father is in frequent and constant pain due to a leg injury he doesn’t really talk about. His only (and brief) for of relief used to be a heating pad. We only have one in the house so even on my menstrual cycle I let him use it instead since my pain is only temporary. It still sucks to always see him in pain. My mother is a stay at home mom who basically does everything. Unfortunatelyy family and i recently found out that her mental health has also been declining as well due to a refusal to take her medication and was admitted to the hospital about a week ago and I haven’t seen her since. (But I have spoke to her on the phone so that’s good. Now that my mom isn’t present in my house, I feel as if I have taken on a lot of my mom’s responsibilities. As I’ve said, I have 4 siblings yet only 2 live under the same roof as me but that’s a different story that I’m not ready to talk about. Out of my 3 older siblings, one is disabled and has cerebral palsy quadriplegia. The other is a boy and then there’s my father. Of course they help take care of my sister, but of course, due to our genders and how I was raised, the responsibility of her falls on me. After my mom was admitted, I took it upon myself to take care of my siblings. (I.e by cooking for them, taking care of my disabled sister by cleaning her, learning how to change diapers. Making sure she in entertained, and much more. In an African household, or at least mine, girls are taught to cook for their fathers as well.) I also do groceries by myself since it seems that I’m the only one who knows how to do it properly. I have to take the bus and carry heavy bags by myself since by brother usually has work, and has now started university. It doesn’t affect the as much since I’ve always been used to doing it alone, or with my mom but she can’t as of now. I just worry for how things will be in the future since I start school soon. Idk how I feel. Just empty I guess. Wow! That was long… idk if I should post this. Hopefully I can delete it if I change my mind. Tl;dr If you are reading this, thank you. You are loved :)