Wtf am I doing with my life

God I just had training today and I was crying by the end of it because I was playing like shit and like all my teammate are way ahead of me and I feel like I'm just there without a purpose and probably going to get replaced by someone else soon if I continue my bullshit but the thing is I mdm wtf I'm doing wrong. Up until now my days have been kinda okay like there's a lot of homework but it's not to the point where I'm breaking down like I am right now but I just can't concentrate during trainings. I know exactly what I'm supposed to do and how to adapt to different situations but my body just won't do the right things. It's so fustrating to see all my friends striving while I'm left behind for no apparent reason. Then my coach came to talk toe and I told her I feel like I'm not performing and all she says is yeah I can see and tells me to train more with my teammates and told me to stop crying. HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP? Now it 12am I'm in my bed crying like shit and typing this all out. I'm so sick. I went class to take something after training and I thought of just jumping down I'm only on LVL two so it's not like I'm gonna die. Then when walking back home I had the thought of bashing my head on a large rock after seeing one on the side of the street. Please somebody tell me what is wrong with me. Right now I'm honestly hanging on to life by threads and idk when it's gonna break.