I need to vent but I don’t wanna bug my friends

I really want a girlfriend. I just want a girl to hold me while I lay on her chest and tell me that she loves me and will always be there for me. I want a girl who will truly love me, not just date me because she’s lonely or “wants to try something new.” I want someone who will proudly show me off to her friends, who isn’t ashamed to hug or hold hands in public. I want a girl who will go on walks with me, someone I can make paintings and playlists with, sharing moments that are just ours. I want a girlfriend who makes it clear that she loves and cares for me, so I don’t have to wonder if her feelings are real. I want a girlfriend I can make TikToks with and do each other’s makeup, where we can be playful and authentic. Right now, I’m in a situationship. She says she likes me, but I just want to feel that. She’s not ready to make things official, and I understand that, but I wish she’d show me she actually cares. Bc I honestly have no clue if she really likes me. I long for a relationship where love is more than just words, where I’m not left questioning if I’m truly wanted. I just want to be in a cute wlw relationship, to be loved and cared for, to be someone’s priority, not just an option. Sometimes, it feels like I’m standing on the outside, looking in at all the love that seems so close yet feels so far away. I wonder when it will be my turn to experience that kind of happiness, to have someone who chooses me wholeheartedly, not just when it’s convenient for them.