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Just a random vent

I’m really really tired of attracting the wrong people. By attracting, I don’t mean in a relationship. But it’s a general thing.

Admittedly, I have flaws and I choose the wrong people. I stopped choosing. I have no faith in my judgement lol. Given I did my deed. I still seem to grab the wrong people even after I explicitly state “Im scared to trust anyone” yet they come over and be like umm you seem bogus. You can’t be trusted. That’s all cool. I respect how you feel. But then why would you still try to call me and be like i want to trust you but i cant. I am not asking for it. I really want people to let me be in peace lol. This really has to happen to me everywhere. Gosh. My life is a comedy of blunders now.
elafina · 36-40, F
Just keep on doing the work. Add affirmations.
Things will eventually and inevitably change.
I'm sorry you're going through this right now..
I'm not much different and that's how I can understand
Beatbox34 · 31-35, M
@elafina I'm sorry you can relate to this.

But honestly. I just want to keep quiet forever.
elafina · 36-40, F
@Beatbox34 don't. Get into the ring. Expose yourself. Be shameless, make mistakes... But also be humble, knowing where you are.
Take a break too if that's what you need in the moment. Close and rest for a bit.
But don't give up 💔❤️ hearts are healing. You'll do it. I'm sure you're having glimpses too and it's not EVERYONE falling into that category all the time. See further.

As for myself, I'm trying. I see a lot of goodness and kindness and I see a lot of good people. But I keep on making wrong choices and I came to realise lately that is because of hunger. Exactly, I'm depriving myself from humans and then I'm falling like a Hungry wolf asking for others to love me.
I say these things not to judge myself but on the contrary, because I deeply love myself and I need to know the truth so I can work with it.

What about you, can you break it down, can you go to the root..?
Beatbox34 · 31-35, M
@elafina I'm just trying to heal from so much now. It's overwhelming at times. I totally get your point of seeing the good in people to end up being discarded. I mean it's okay but to feel like I never meant anything to begin with hurts. I was hungry to be loved. Now I don't want it. I push people away. I want to keep myself happy till I can. I don't want to rely on happiness from others.

My heart will break but it will heal too. I'm just focusing on my life. Even though this person made me feel like a scam artist. I wished them a birthday today as a stranger and closed any contact with them. I'll do good but it's just that sometimes everything gets to you. I want to see the good in people but I'm scared. Scared to trust and feel like I never mattered to begin with. It's like spending a couple of years with someone to realise I was just used. It has happened far too many times and I won't let myself get used by anyone anymore.

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